Snow and Panic buying

Well the snow is finally here, and from the look of it, its planning to
stay. We've had about 5" since 7pm and its still going, so a white Christmas
is well and truly on the cards.

As a precaution and I'm a Drama Queen, we thought we would pop out to Asda
to get the essentials, Tea coffee bread etc. The amount of stock they are
putting out is amazing, and am glad we don't plan on going there tomorrow as
I'm sure it's going to be bedlam. We managed to get all the stuff we needed
for essentials but still not got anything for Christmas day, so at the
moment were on beans on toast and a chunk of Brie.

On a me side, I'm not feeling to bad now, although am still tired, I did
have an hour's nap this afternoon though and it did make me feel a little
better.

As for tomorrow I plan to do very little. Just relax with Mark, maybe veg in
the lounge and watch cheesy American Christmas movies. I have enough green
tea to sink a battle ship so am OK on that score. The green tea although it
still tastes pants am getting used to it now, and am on a variety so it
keeps me going. If its supposedly helping then I'm willing to give it a go,
and I have noticed that it is forcing a lot of junk out of my body (won't
tell you how I know I just do)

Hopefully the last of the xmas presents and such will arrive, although with
this weather I doubt it, isn't it mad how I can order something from the I
UK and it doesn't arrive yet something from China a few days later and it
arrives, the supplier in the UK has said its because of the weather
conditions, so do the Chinese have different weather in the UK then that
allows their mail through???

Am off to bed now to snuggle up with the old fella, and will wake tomorrow
with an even thicker blanket of snow

Till then snow watchers, don't go out unless you have too.

Steve x

just a quicky

As well as sharing things on Facebook and on my Twitter site I'm going to
share them on here too.

http://www.infi-knit.org.uk/

Its a great way of doing your bit to help the sufferers of cancer. It takes
seconds to do and will mean so much to so many.

Another thing this weekend is the Peggy's charity doo at New York New York
in Manchester it's here usual offensive show, and everyone is guaranteed a
laugh... The whole shebang kicks off at 4pm She's flown in especially from
Spain to do it and its all in aid of Christies Hospital in Manchester

http://www.facebook.com/#!/event.php?eid=134868769899725 for further details

Steve x

Birthday

Today has been Marks birthday and so we went out for a meal, the classy two
that we were we ended up in the Chinese Buffet.... It's not the actual meal
that we enjoyed (although we did eat too much) it was the being together
that we enjoyed.

As for me, I'm slowly getting back to normal, the medication is sort of
sorting itself out, and the headaches are slowly decreasing. I'm still
tired, this is one thing I can't shake no matter what..

Mark enjoyed the birthday present I got him, even though I didn't think he
would, but then again after a title and a star this is actually something he
can touch.

Nothing else to report today as its been a pretty quiet day. More
interesting tomorrow maybe.

Till then

Steve x

Steroids

Well today has been a better day but I can't say it's been one of my best.

I'm still slightly suffering from the headaches caused by me coming off the
steroids, but they are getting better, so that's a good sign, at least the
light-headedness has gone now.

Have had a couple of messages from various people telling me that this is
the hardest time but it will all be over soon and things will settle down
after that so that's good and encouraging.

I managed to sort a load of work emails out this morning for the office,
which made me feel so much better as I can log on tomorrow and not have a
full inbox, that and people were depending on the items being sorted.

Xmas is almost finished now too, Mark is just wrapping the last few things,
he then has to wrap my goodies.

A lot of marks presents I have bought him are from online stores and haven't
arrived yet so am a little worried that I haven't got a lot for I'm if
nothing turns up by the weekend I will be one of those mad idiots who dash
out the week before Xmas.

Mark also took me to the cinema this evening to watch the Narnia film in 3D
(were getting used to this....)

I like our little trips out to the cinema as its complete escapism, and for
the few hours that am there nothing matters, there is no such thing as
cancer, there is no issues and there are no time limits on everything. I
come out and feel refreshed and ready to take on the next challenge, which
is generally the tiredness and the walk back to the car.

This evening two friends came round to do the exchanging of gifts and to see
how we all were. There has been a standing joke between us all that when I
lost my hair due to the Chemo then they would shave their Mary's (work it
out) and that all of Asda would follow suit.

Well for our combined present one of the items was a bag of hair - which
signifies the trimmed Marys.... (you will be pleased to know that its
actually washed hair from the hairdressers) They had also made some "Marys"
to wear, they are basically Santa beards with accessories on them.... Will
post pictures soon. We haven't opened the other gifts apart from the Santa
suits that they got us, we have promised to post pictures of these too.

Thanks ladies I'm sure you're going to cause a giggle on Christmas
morning....

I now need to go and wrap marks birthday present as it's his birthday
tomorrow and I still haven't wrapped his present, I suppose I could do it in
the morning, but it might remind me if do what I have done with his birthday
card.... oh the joys of having a crap short term memory...

Tomorrow is another fun filled day of all sorts, will see what the allsorts
is when it comes but I haven't got anything on my to do list so am doing
well.

Will update again tomorrow

Steve x

My Brains addicted to stroids

Today didn't start too brilliantly, in fact if truth be known it stared
shit....

I woke up with a really sharp headache much worse than yesterday, I felt
sick and generally fuzzy head. Imagine a really bad hangover - the ones
where you vow never to drink again, and that's somewhere close to where I
was. I wasn't well at all, I took my steroid and some pain killers but I
just felt worse. I phoned the Christies hotline and explained and the
outcome is that I have to increase my dosage of Steroids, and be reviewed
tomorrow.

The result of today is I haven't actually done anything, which is actually
the first time since coming out of hospital that my illness has stopped me
being normal.

After taking the additional quantity of the steroid I did start to feel a
little bit better, but it's not really till now that I'm more or less back
to normal.

The Oncologist did say that I would start to feel ill from about week two
after treatment finishes and then again around week 5, and so far they are
right. So can only now sit and wait for week 5 - this is also the time I go
back onto the Chemo, so heaven only knows how am going to feel.

My mum came down this evening for her usual Tuesday visit and dinner

Because of my off day there isn't much else to write about , I'm hoping that
tomorrow I will feel a little more on form

Till then

Steve

Shopping on Steroids...

Well another strange day for me. The headaches have slightly increased and
so as promised I phoned Christies.

I thought it could be something and nothing and would be in relation to my
treatment/side effects but thought it worth checking anyway.

The team I spoke to at the hospital took loads of different details and
suggested that I go back on the Steroids - not what I wanted but they know
best.

Since taking the steroid I have felt much better and haven't had the
Throbbing Head issues, so that's a good thing.

I also went shopping with my mum today in Salford shopping precinct. This
again is another place I can cross off my list of places to go to. Its nice
to go shopping with mum as I used to do this when I was younger and we don't
get chance to go much now.

Mark then came home and we went shopping again, just a few little bits for
Xmas but all sorted now.

Nothing else happened today really. I'm going to have a resting day tomorrow
and if I feel upto it, I'm going to be taking some pictures of costumes for
the website. http://www.facebook.com/?ref=logo#!/group.php?gid=57127533950

The costumes are going pretty well, but need to push it a little more, and
get photographing the hundreds we have on there, and all the accessories and
other paraphernalia as well. The more we get rid of the more we find, eBay
and Facebook will be busy in the next few weeks....

This will all probably change tomorrow though as I forget some of it and
remember about something else...

Till tomorrow

Steve

Trouble Blogging: End of a weekend

Trouble Blogging: End of a weekend: "Well it's been a fun and interesting weekend with lots of random thingsgoing on. Saturday I managed to sleep till 11am, I must have need..."

End of a weekend

Well it's been a fun and interesting weekend with lots of random things
going on.

Saturday I managed to sleep till 11am, I must have needed the sleep,
although I woke up tired, and so I knew that it was the fatigue not the
tiredness. Although if I am occupied doing something then I don't tend to
notice it as much.

Saturday afternoon then was spent finishing the presents wrapping (Mark
wraps and I move things around.....)

Then Saturday evening we were off to see Scissor Sisters, and I presumed
that as they were such a big group it would be bedlam getting into the
Arena, so we went more or less as soon as it opened, and how wrong was I,
the support came on at 7 and was on for half an hour's and then the main
thing was supposed to kick off at *, nope, they were late by about 45 mins
so we were sat in a warm arena on uncomfortable seats waiting for them to
com on.

However in the end the four of us (me, mark Nick and Geoff) all had a great
time. Although I was tired when I got home, notice a theme here?

Sunday was a bit of a nothing day really as neither of us could decide what
to do, so we went out to Swinton shopping centre. We shouldn't have
bothered.... as there was absolutely nothing there. We did manage to spend
£20 though - That's the pound shop for you.

This after however we have had a little bit of excitement. We went to Tesco
in Walkden, casually wandering round not looking for anything we heard a
loud bang then a hissing noise. People started t panic and leave the store,
and on our way out we saw a growing cloud of smoke coming from the freezer
section, there was a growing sense of panic about the place so we did what
any good person should do, is we got in the car and left. Now before you all
start moaning that we could have helped, there was loads of staff around and
the fewer bodies in a situation is better really.

However as soon as we got home we did look it up on the news. It turns out
that it's a suspected gas pipe rupture on the freezers.

That's it for all the excitement.

The down side of the weekend is the headache issue. If I hold my head in a
certain position, my head starts to throb and my vision goes funny and I can
hear my pulse, I Have to stop whatever I'm doing and hold my head level and
forward whilst the blood drains.

It is causing me an issue and will be on the phone tomorrow to Christies
just to confirm. It's probably just my head playing around and responding to
the treatment but best safer than sorry.

And in a large nutshell that's my weekend.

Other than tired, and the headaches it's been an OK weekend, that aching has
subsided slightly though so that's a bonus.

Until tomorrow

Steve

End of the week

Well it's the end of the working week and I can honestly say I'm glad as I
like the house busy at the weekend, people popping in and out etc.

I did pop into the office today as it was Secret Santa, so I said I would go
in for the day, so I popped in for an hour or so, so that we could do that
and I could say hello to the guys and the news guys who I haven't met yet.

Whoever got me the hat for my Secret Santa - thank you, it's lovely, only
one problem with it, it sticks to my head like Velcro because of my short
hair lol....

I did have a bit of a rant though today in town. I was approached by an
undesirable (chav) and asked if I had any spare change. I replied as I often
do, "sorry no I don't" and I genuinely didn't. She said something that I
didn't hear and I left it, she then said I wouldn't know what it's like to
suffer. I had two choices here either to bite my lip and say nothing or say
how I felt.

I simply told her that she was right, and I wouldn't know what it's like to
suffer.. I then removed my hat and said that I had Terminal Brain Cancer, so
no I wouldn't know what suffering is. By this time a number of people were
watching the goings on and as soon as I had finished my rant a woman
applauded me. She did come up to me and say well done for standing up for
myself and asked if I was ok. We did have a laugh as I said the only thing
wrong was that my head was cold, she simply told me to put my hat on.

The chav simply wandered off looked on by a number of people. Like a dog
with its tail between its legs comes to mind.

We thought we were going to get a visit from Nick and Geoff this evening but
from the picture Nick has sent me he has win the battle and they have been
out and bought a real Christmas tree and its up. We are however off to see
Scissor Sisters tomorrow with them so we might see it tomorrow.

Till tomorrow

Steve

Cold

Is it me or is it getting colder?

Its been slightly warmer today with the sun but in the shade it was bitterly
cold. Have had a busy two days yesterday and today I have just had a
multitude of things that I needed to do, they were all things that I
couldn't be bothered doing but I needed to do, so in reality I done myself a
favour getting them all done.

Yesterday I also spent the afternoon with my mum, she was helping me sort
out the little things too, including Marks birthday present, which is a
personal thing not something just from the shop, I hope he likes it.

I was supposed to be going into work today to meet one of our clients, but
one of the gorls in the office who was meeting him too emailed and cancelled
the meeting as she wasn't well and didn't want to pass on the bug. I have
asked them to do this as I wouldn't go into the office if everyone is sat
there sniffling as its something I should avoid especially with the chemo
medication (although this is now over I'm still having the side
effects/benefits) Itsas though the choices have been made for me again, but
one I have asked them to do.

Will pop into the office tomorrow as its Secret Santa day so will pop in for
that and then come home again, it will be nice to get out on my own and also
to visit the office as haven't been in for a few weeks now. I wont be
wearing my wig though, as I am used to the fact I am bald now (although I do
need the top part of my head shaving again) will just keep my hat on in the
office, but if anyone asks I don't mind showing them the scar now, its just
anther part of me.

Nothing else to report today other than the tiredness/fatigue if I sit down
to watch TV I tend to nod off so I keep myself occupied....

Corrie was sad tonight too, two deaths and a wedding and a birth. Who are
the other two, I hope it's not Rita....

Till tomorrow, will update then when I have been to the post office with my
large sack of items to post. Its last day for posting to the rest of the
word, if you want to receive it for Xmas don't forget.

Steve

Oldham

Hello again,
Today has been a good day, and I hate saying that as it sounds so cheesy, but it has.
I got all my chores completed this morning just before my dad arrived to take me up to Oldham. I was going to see my Granny too whilst I was there. She doesn’t know the full extent of my illness but she is aware that I have been ill and I have had an operation on my head. I don’t want to tell her the full extent of my illness as at the age of 86 it would really rock her and would make her very ill, the last thing I want is to make someone else ill.
Anyway I think she knows more than she is letting on but will just have to leave it there for the time being. The fact that she has seen me looking OK and healthy is a bonus too.
This week has been a good week in total but was odd this morning as there was only me in the house when Mark went to work. It’s been a full house all weekend with Jayne and Ray from Norfolk but this morning was just me and the Cats.
Was great to see Jayne and Ray for the weekend as she is a real tonic (I’m sure I have said this before, as she is just a mad hatter) We all went for dinner on Sunday with Nick and Geoff too as they know Jayne and Ray too, it was a good night even though Nick didn’t eat all of his desert.....
Its official I now no longer own my motorbike, as it was sold on Sunday and its actually been transferred with the DVLA, never mind I can have a new one in two years when I beat this illness....
Tomorrow am off shopping with my mum to buy Mark his present for his Birthday and Xmas, its hard to get gifts for two occasions that are so close together, but I have a few ideas.

Mark and myself are then off to the pictures tomorrow night (you got to love Orange Wednesday) so will be a nice chilled night.
Till tomorrow

Steve

clearer.....

Well hello my little blogsters.




Today has been one of those days where everything just works out.



My headaches are subsiding somewhat as I have been drinking normal tea as well as green tea. I'm going to look into taking a Q10 supplement too as these have been recommended to me for providing more energy.



Today I managed to get a load of work done for the office, have been to the post office twice and then it was time for me to go to my yoga class.



Yoga is down at BASIC, and I started today, I’m going to be doing a weekly class after the new year when everything gets back to normal, but till then I will just have a few sessions until then.



Today’s session was more meditation and relaxation than Yoga, but I still felt the benefits. It’s not often that I truly relax, I’m always thinking about something even if its trivial, so ot was nice to completely switch off even for half an hour.



As for the rest of the week and my new routine, it looks like I have quite a lot to fit in. This all calumniates on Friday when I’m going into the office as its Secret Santa/ I'm looking forward to going back to the office as am forgetting the simplest of things, so hopefully in the new year I will be able to go back to the office on a part time basis, and I can give my brain something to remember, and thats the problem, because I’m not using the info that I know im losing it.



Anyway, tomorrow is a new day and I have plans for things to do, and I want to make an early start so am off to bed.



Till tomorrow



Steve x

Mummys boys part 2

Headaches

Well what a confusing couple of days it’s been.
Friday and Saturday were the first days I haven’t taken any medication, and I was expecting to have a slight headache as a result like I said in the last post. I’m on a slight comedown from the Steroids. I wasn’t expecting the headaches to be as bad as they have been, so I have taken another steroid t tide me over and will speak to the doctor on Monday morning.
However I have found that it’s not actually the steroids that are causing me all the problems (although they are part of it)
A number of days ago I gave up drinking tea (the PG Tips kind) and have reverted over to Green Tea, which contains no caffeine at all.
Whilst I have been off work my consumption of tea has rocketed dramatically and I have been drinking almost 10+ cups a day. I then drop all this in one day, o go to caffeine free.
Therefore whilst I have been suffering from withdrawal symptoms of the Steroids and added to this I then go Caffeine cold turkey, I was thinking about this in the car this evening and soon as I got to where we were going and had a pint of coke I started to feel a lot better. A few more cokes and my headache started to lift.
Therefore I’m going to try and come off the steroids first then work on the caffeine but will still be drinking the Green Tea as well.
Other things this weekend, Mark has started to wrap the Christmas present whilst I had a a sleep, yesterday was the first day that I actually felt rotten. I was just so tired, I felt ill and my head was aching like mad, it felt like someone was trying to force my brains out through my eye sockets – now I know why.
Jayne and Ray are still here and they leave tomorrow morning, when I start my week with my new routine, no drugs and no hospital.
Tomorrow I also start my Yoga classes at BASIC.
This is an attempt to stretch my muscles which benefits my fatigue and also help me to relax more.
Will update tomorrow when I am more relaxed and stretched.
Steve

Mummys boys part one

Bit of a jumbled day....

Well this is the first day of no treatment.



It’s been an odd day, as I have lost all my routine. And I could actually eat whenever I liked but its thrown me completely.


I have had a headache today, but I presume that’s all to do with the fact I have also finished my steroids too, and they do cause a comedown effect (not that I have had a drug induced comedown, but watching Emmerdale I know what to expect....) The symptoms should only last a few das hopefully and then I should be back to normal.


One good thing of today is I went for my Aromatherapy Massage at BASIC, it was the most relaxing thing I have done in a long while, and I felt so well afterwards, I’m booked in again in January and will hopefully book a weekly session thereafter, as I do think its beneficial.


Jayne and Ray have also come up from Norfolk for the weekend, which again is nice as it’s nice to have a full house at this time of year, that and Jayne is as mad as a hatter, and is a real tonic.


This weekend is going to be spent chilling out and adding the videos of our past performances to Youtube, as were not likely to be performing for a while and its a shame to have the videos on my computer and only a few people getting to see them. So currently my laptop is burning the TV program that we filmed over 2 years ago, as its now able to be seen in the public domain.


The rest of the weekend is going to be spent chilling out, and I may even lock myself away and do the Meditation DVD which I have said I should do for years, I used to do meditation a couple of years ago and found it beneficial, but then a busy work-life and the performing sort of put an end to it.


I'm turning into a bit of a Hippie at the moment with supplements, herbal tablets and Green tea. The green tea doesn’t taste brilliant (although have found the Grapefruit and lemon one is ok) but its good for me and is a good body clear out. So am between aromatherapy, massage, healthy eating and supplements, and yoga I might grow my hair long (ha ha) and join a commune....


Anyway its late and I’m tired, will have a lay-in in the morning and see how I feel.


Who knows I might make a snowman if we have any more snow.


Steve

Last Day

Well that’s it for the last few weeks of December. Mo more treatment until the first week of January.




I must say I’m glad that its over for the time being as the journey to Christies every day was getting to me and everyone that had to take me. The waiting was also another major factor in adding to the tiredness. But all that’s over now for a while.



The tiredness has been an issue today and I have had to push myself to keep going, although I must admit to having a nap earlier when I had finished tidying one of the bedrooms.



Have made a realisation today, I’m not so bothered by the fact I’m bald any more. I have been to Asda this evening and my head was getting very warm, I even contemplated taking my hat off, it really didn’t bother me.



I didn’t take my hat off as it got cold in the store, but at least it’s not an issue for me anymore.



The whole mirror thing I’m no longer having issues with. I wanted mark to remove the large mirror in our bedroom when I was first diagnosed, but as I don’t look ill I have said it’s not an issue.



Tomorrow will be odd as I don’t have to take my Chemo or go to the hospital and therefore I don’t have timescales to work to like I have for the last six weeks I can eat my lunch whenever please..



Tomorrow I’m also off for a Massage to relieve the fatigue, so hopefully tomorrow I will be nice and relaxed just in time for our friends visit for the weekend.



I'm off to bed now as am knackered



Will update on my first treatment free day tomorrow.



Steve x

One day to go

Well today was the penultimate day of my treatment and I can honestly say that after meeting with the Doctor as I do every Wednesday (she’s actually a leading Oncologist) that I feel very positive.

As usual my bloods are all OK, we have discussed me going back to work in January – although this is only going to be part time at first and will be a phased entry back to work, I can actually see things happening and I'm slowly getting my life back. It’s something I am going to have t work out with my boss and the Oncologist but at least it’s an option.

My Oncologist did ask me all though usual questions and commented that I had done remarkably well to get to this stage of the treatment and still feel as well as I do. The tiredness is quickly becoming part of my day, and am determined not to let it disrupt me. She said that it is more beneficial for me to work through tie fatigue and then have a decent rest rather than semi-vegetating and then resting as well, which is exactly what I have been doing. On a downside to this she has explained that the fatigue tends to get worse towards week 5 after treatment is completed before it gets better.

This is one thing I’m just going to have to put up with. If this is the only real side effect of my treatment then I can’t complain – I have now even stopped thinking about my baldy head as I wear a hat when I go out (especially with the weather as it is) Another good thing she told us today was even though the MRI and CAT scans that are completed tell then a lot of information, however one of the most important factors they look at is the general health of the patient. And considering I’m in good form at the moment, it really did put a smile on my face, and Mark too.
On the way back from the hospital in the snow we had a text from Leon, who normally lives in Israel, but was on a whistle-stop tour of the UK, and his last night he was staying in a hotel in Manchester so that he can be near the airport early tomorrow for his flight.
Was nice to see Leon. We miss his randomness and Leon ways.
Nick and Geoff also came round, which again was nice as I do love a full house and there were many conversations bounding around.

Tomorrows treatment as I have said is the last one in this run. I can’t wait for it all to be over, now it’s not the treatment that’s getting to me it’s the travelling too. Mark has done most of the Christies runs, and I can’t thank him enough for this but my mum and dad have done a couple each and Lawrence has done one too, they can all see how tiring just going that few miles across town, waiting for however long at the hospital and then getting stuck in traffic can be.

If I could turn up for treatment, be in and out and not get stuck in traffic it would a lot easier, but unfortunately it’s not the case, and for the last three days I have had to wait for over an hour and a half because of delays. Suspect that due to the weather this will be the same again tomorrow. Will just have to wait and see.

Anyway were currently wrapping presents (well Mark is I’m writing my Blog) and then I need to look at our webhosting account as we have all lost our emails, and I’m lost without email....
Then am having an early night.

Till tomorrow

Steve

Update update update

Well its been a few days since I last updated the bog so I think its about time to I did....
A few things have happened since the last update.
The tree and all the decorations have now gone up and everywhere looks very Christmassy.... I even had the Christmas tunes playing today to get me in the mood.
Have started the last week of treatment, I only have three sessions to go after today’s treatment. Today’s treatment was tiring, as the machine was running an hour late and it was actually closer to an hour and half, this wasn’t helped by the fact that we were there just over half an hour early so was a long wait. Today I was taken to the hospital with my dad, I don’t often get time to spend with my dad, so in a roundabout way it was nice. He’s also taking me tomorrow.
This week is another busy week, with tidying up ready for the weekend and then to the pictures on Wednesday (its Orange Wednesday) so I don’t know what we will see, but its nice to get out and just spend time together even though its 3 hours in silence...
Have sorted loads of paperwork out today too, and have shredded loads of stuff that we were just keeping hold of for the sake of keeping hold of.
Anyway, I’m off for an early night, possibly a film in bed, but I will fall asleep so nothing to heavy.



Steve

Christmas

Well its official, its almost Christmas.

We started to put the tree up today and decorate the rest of the house. For those that know us Christmas is a big issue in our house and every surface gets a Xmas Makeover.

We normally have at least two trees, the spiral staircase and three fireplaces decorated, altghough this year we have only put one of the tree's up and replaced the other with the huge candelabra. So not much changed really.

One problem with all this merryment is, I have overdone it today and now am aching all over so will be off to bed shortly, i have already had my Radox bath soak, which has heloed massivly.

Tp,prpw were off into town to do the last bits of xmas shopping and then back home to finish the house and tidy up all the mess that it creates.

Till tomrrow

Steve

Freaky Friday....

Well after this morning's little outburst and name shaming, I feel so much
better.

I'm glad that today is Friday, and that I now have two days free of
radiotherapy, as its starting to get to me now.

Not in a physical way although the fatigue is becoming more and more
present.

I only have four radio and Chemo sessions to go, and then I have a four week
break before I continie with my chemo treatment.

In a strange way its all timed well for christmas, if that could possibly
ever be well timed.

The christmas shopping is now al completed and we just have to wrap it all
up, and then thats one less thing to do.

Tomorrow will be spent sorting out the small things (a huge list of small
things) that we need to do, and will then tomorrow night will be spent
relaxingwith a movie, as I have a feeling that tomorrow I will be aching

Other than that there is very little to say today so will sign off and
provide you all with a big pdate tomorrow.

Steve x

Profiteering

I have just had the misfortune to get pretty upset on the phone with a
company that basically wants to take my money for being ill.

As most of you will know I used to drive a motorbike, but due to the tumour
and such I am no-longer able to drive - this is not my choice as you can
imagine as it means basically that I lose my independence and I now have to
rely on public transport (which most of you will know I hate)

Anyway back to the point, I had clearly forgotten to cancel my insurance on
my bike and have attempted to do so today.

I paid the last instalment of the insurance in September and am now paid up
till march of next year, all covered - sorted no problem.

However I explained that the DVLA have revoked my licence on medical grounds
and I need to cancel my insurance as I no-longer have the vehicle and the
reason why, the nice young lady then said OK no problem - the cancellation
fee on the insurance is just short of £50. I thought she was joking at the
time as like I say the policy is paid in full.

She spouted on that the general terms and conditions blah blah blah I said I
think that's pretty sick that even though they have had all my money they
want another 50% of the total policy cost to cancel. She wouldn't put me
through to a manager as there was "none available" but she would speak to
her team leader again blah blah blah, and she spouted on that the terms and
conditions do state blah blah blah.

In other words BULLSHIT

After me getting upset on the phone and telling her that I have a terminal
illness with a short prognosis she again spoke to her team leader and they
have decided on compassionate grounds to waive the fee.

Therefore HASTINGS DIRECT INSURANCE.

Your going down in the bad books, and your being named and shamed in my
blog.

If I had remembered at the time I would have got the young girls name and
would make a formal complaint to them.

It just makes you think that even though things are tough at the moment,
there are people out there that would just like to make it that little bit
harder - I'm ok I can fight my own corner, but some people would just have
said OK no problems and would have paid the cancellation, and that's an
extra £50 profit in the bank for a company that probably makes millions
every year, where is their Social Responsibility and compassion? Probably
lost in their terms and conditions blah blah blah.....

Will update more after my treatment.

Steve x

5 treatments to go.

Well its official I am on the home run with regards to my treatment. I only
have 5 sessions to go and then am through.

I'm at a total loss of what to say today as I think I have said most of it.

My mum has taken me to the hospital for the last two days, and its been odd.
Even though I like spending time with my mum, it's been nice having her
round the house etc, the trip to the hospital over the last few weeks has
been an escape for a few hours at least anyway. But like I say I have 5
sessions left and my dad is taking me on Monday and Tuesday. I will be glad
though thwhen they are all over as I will get a sense of normality back and
I will not have to be couriered around all the time.

That's the one big issue with my treatment Mark does not like me going on my
own, especially now that the tiredness and the fatigue are really taking
hold.

The tiredness is taking hold now but was better today than it was yesterday,
I must have had better slept better last night.

One funny side effect that I knew to expect, but hadn't had yet was the
"sunburn" on my head from the radiotherapy.

It honestly fells like my head has been out all day in the sun and its tight
and hot. I just have to use my cream and its much better, just odd that its
freezing outside and there is snow in the air and the side of my head is
kicking out its own little heat source.

Comedy moment of the day came this afternoon when someone (I won't mention
it was my mum) suggested that there could be a possibility of me having more
radiotherapy at a later date but in tablet form because of the progression
in technology etc..... never mind it certainly raised a smile on my face and
was something to laugh about.

Anyway am off to bed, see if I can have another good night's sleep

Steve

Dr. Day

Now when I say Dr. Day I don't mean a nice doctor by the name of Mr Day, but
its the day I visit the doctor at the hospital. The same as I do every
Wednesday.

The last few days at Christies have been difficult because they have been
behind every time I go for my appointment. Which means waiting and waiting.
This just ultimately leads to stress and tiredness, which doesn't help at
all especially when your body is telling you its tired anyway.

Today Mark has had a day off from Christies and has had a full day in the
office, my Mum has taken me to the hospital and is again tomorrow. We did a
little bit of shopping before we went to the hospital which was nice n ot
that we really bought anything....

At the hospital it was amazing I barely sat down in the waiting room before
I was called in for treatment, and then the same happened after treatment
whilst I was waiting for the doctor. I was in and out within 30 mins.

Its sods law really that its been this way, because we have been telling
people how long we have to wait and the one day that someone else takes me
were in and out... Oh well, treatment is priority and I have only got
another 6 to go so cant really complain.

The meeting with the Doctor went ok as usual, it's an opportunity for me to
say how am feeling and ask any questions.

The blood results from yesterday were all ok as usual and there was no
concerns.

This evening we went to the Movies (how American) we went to watch the new
Harry Potter film. Oooh its good, but also slightly wrong as you get to see
a Mr Potter in his boxer shorts..... Slightly wrong as these are supposed to
be school kids and they have all beefed up - Wrong on so many levels - but
if you're a Potter fan you will be swooning too am sure....

The tiredness and aching has not been as bad today as I had quite a good
sleep last night and have drank loads of fluid too.

Other than that my day has been pretty normal, will report tomorrow with
more tales of Christies and the waiting room.

Steve

Blood Day

Today has just been one of those days.

I woke up tired, this is now becoming the norm for me, I could sleep all day
but it doesn't go away so am just sticking to my normal routine and getting
on with it - It worked during the war so the same philosophy applies now.

Have had a very busy Post office run with loads of different things posted
all over the country - the shop is now getting quite busy and is keeping me
plodding on. It's also a motivational thing for me too, as the more the shop
does the more I want it to do and the more I want to push it.

Treatment today was as normal, but I have felt a little bit of nausea, I
don't know if this is something I have eaten or what, but I have actually
taken anti nausea treatment today for the first time, this is amazing
considering I have only got 7 treatments left.

The headaches after treatment are still there and are taking a little longer
to go away each day, but I'm not taking anything for them as I'm trying to
minimise the amount of medication I take as am still taking quite a bit of
other medication.

The fatigue is still there too, but like have said previously, keeping going
and drinking plenty of fluid is helping to combat it, it's still there but I
don't notice it as much.

Today is Tuesday and that means one thing at Christies, and that's blood
day, ready for my appointment with my doctor tomorrow. The Radiography girls
laugh at me because I now know the routine and can pre-empt them and get my
bloods done before my treatment and then once am done I can just go home.

Normally everything is ok with my results and it's just a formality, so
hopefully tomorrow will be the same and we can be in and out tomorrow
instead of waiting round which is the tiring bit.

Anyway not much else to report today other than that so will sign off and
head off to bed.

Steve x

I don't like Mondays....

As the Boomtown Rats said, "I don't like Mondays".

My treatment has resumed today after the weekend, and it's really made
itself present today.

I have felt a little bit sickly when I took the chemo but I have felt a
little bit sickly all day so attributed it to that.

The fatigue and the headache from the Radiotherapy have also stayed with me
all evening. The fatigue is slowly building up and is now a part of my
everyday life, I find though that if I keep moving its not as bad.

I did got to BASIC today with mark which is based at the hospital and have
signed up for Yoga classes and also massage, as this could possibly help
with the fatigue. These start in December. Have also signed up for Art and
Craft classes, just something I can do on my own with other people who are
in the same boat as myself, as Mark has said its all good saying that he is
there for me he doesn't know how I feel and think, yet someone with the same
diagnosis or condition of me knows what it's like.

Will give it a go, see how it makes me feel I'm sure though that the Yoga
will help and the massage too.

Sales in the shop are going well and have a large delivery to the post
office tomorrow which is good, also have someone coming to look at costumes
too so another busy day for me in the "office" as it were.

Anyway not much else to report today

Will update tomorrow

Steve x

Sunday Service

Well its Sunday and the last day of the week, and boy am I glad it is.

Today has been pretty hectic with finishing the lounge - just pictures to go
up when we decide what pictures we like and what frames etc, a visit to a
couple of shops for Xmas presents and then working the shop which again has
been busy.

I have been tired and achy again today but moving and keeping going and the
amount I have had to drink today has really helped, but sitting here writing
this blog I am noticing it creep back in. So will head off to bed shortly
and see if I can sleep my way through it.

Tomorrow again is another busy day with a visit to BASIC
http://www.basiccharity.org.uk/ which is a charity for Brain and Spinal
Injury. Its only round the corner and I want to get involved down there so I
have an introductory meeting with them at 12.30pm.

They have different classes, relaxation etc and a Gym that is monitored by
professionals. It might be nice for me to be able to use the facilities down
there with other people that are in the same boat with me, as at the moment
the only people I speak to about my illness are ether my friends and family
or the hospital on the few occasions I have had meetings with them, I rarely
speak to other people in the same situation as myself.

It's a bit like hiding my head in the sand about my illness but that's just
the way it is, I'm happy to discuss it with you if you ask me questions etc
but wouldn't normally bring the subject up myself other than when I am
making fun of it - which is my way I think of dealing with it all.

Some people have asked how can I be so blasé about the fact that I have
possibly got 12-18 months to live, there is no real answer to that question,
at the end of the day what can I say - yes it's a bit of a shitter that my
time could be so short, but like the surgeons have said there is a lot of
good factors going towards me - my age and fitness etc and that the figures
for the treatment are very poor so I have every chance of surviving this for
more than this time.

As the weeks go on I am slowly thinking about the future and what it could
possibly hold.

I have looked at a funeral plan, but I haven't decided what I want yet, I
know it's going to be my last performance so want it to be just right

I have thought about Mark and what he will do when am not here - we often
laugh that it will be me getting phone calls from the police station saying
that they have picked him up in Tesco shoplifting etc wearing a big Floppy
Hay at the age of 70 - that's our plan you see - he goes slightly erratic
and I go sort him out when were older. Obviously this plan has now changed a
little bit, and I'm doing erratic and odd things and he sorts me out.

Back to treatment tomorrow though, which brings me back to the start of my
final 9 days. And hopefully the start of a long time in recovery.

Anyway am off to bed

Till tomorrow

Love you all

Steve

IMG00050-20101121-0017.jpg

Curtains done
Sent via the Trouble BlackBerry®

Sales....

Today has been an amazing day both in respect of business and also
personally.

The sales from the shop are really starting to come in now and my visit to
the post office on Monday may be spread over 2 or three trips. The gut will
really think am odd or I fancy him lol.

The shop doing well has really given me a boost and has given me the urge to
do more, so over the next few days you will see lots more products on the
Facebook group http://www.facebook.com/?ref=logo#!/group.php?gid=57127533950

The other good thing about the shop being busy is that it it keeps me going
through the day, back and forth to the store room and back and forth to my
desk to collect the printouts and then back and forth to the post office.
The keeping moving part is especially important as it helps to combat the
fatigue that is now setting in, and I have really noticed it today.

My whole body aches if I stop and do nothing, so keeping going, although its
hard it does help - so does drinking lots of fluid - I have turned into a
right tea belly, and must have had about 10 cups today, must remember to cut
down on that one.....

Mark has almost finished the curtains for our lounge, its been his mission
to get the lounge decorated before I started to become ill with the
treatment so that I could go in there and relax when I wasnt feeling so
good, but we just have had so much on that its taken longer than expected.
The curtains are now almost done though now and once these are up, a few
little bits left (like me putting the surround sound in) and a few pictures
up and its done. I love Mark for doing all the hard work on the decoraating,
and I know he will benefit from it too, but he's done it for me to make me
feel good.

All this has to be done before next week though as we have to start thinking
about Christmas, and putting up the tree's. Now normally they wouldnt be up
so early but we have visitors at the start of December and they would like
to see the tree, and being as it takes over a week to get out, set up and
decorat and then tidy aftarwards we have to bring the whole process forward
a couple of weeks.

This is another thing that will keep me going, as I love the house all
decorated for Christmas, we have two tree's and the spiral staircase becomes
another tree of sorts, every surface is is covered with Christmas, the oill
burners are burning the Christmas aroma - its amazing and am really looking
forward to it.

I now only have 9 sessions of radiotherapy left and am looking forward to it
ending, as much as I know its good for me, I will be glad to see the back of
it, although if I have to go for another session, I will, as it gives me the
best oppertunity to fight the battle.

I spoke to someone today whos father is also on Chmotherapy, but its
obviously an IV treatment (needles and drips etc) and they have had really
bad reactions to the treatment, im fortunatet that touch wood I havent had
any issues with the Chemo, and have managed to settle into a routine that
allows me to work through the day and work with the treatment. I'm just
hoping that this is a good sign that the treatment is being effective and
that I can beat the cancer instead of it beating me - although I know it
will ultimately beat me, if I can give it the runaround for a few more years
and manage to loose it then the better it is for me.

Right I need to go to bed as im aching and tired, and I feel tomorrow is
going to be another busy day, I still have to make the bed too, as I did the
laundry too today (like I do most days, I really dont know where it all
comes from).

Anyway till tomorrow

Steve x

Changes

Well its the end of another week for my treatment and its starting to show.
I'm now tired and my body is starting to ache with fatigue

Luckily I only have a 9 sessions to go and then am a few person. No more
daily trips to Christies.

The last few days have been strange as things with different people have
been ironed out - the issue f pressure and crowding has now been addressed
and everyone feels a lot more comfortable, me especially.

I have had a busy two days, and have been a lot more focused on what I have
been doing. I have managed to do loads of work for the office and have
actually managed to stay at my desk and my inbox is now empty - im sure it
will be full again on Monday morning....

The shop is going well and we have finally managed to get new pictures of
stock onto the Facebook group http://www.facebook.com/?sk=messages
<http://www.facebook.com/?sk=messages&tid=1456591622405#!/group.php?gid=5712
7533950> &tid=1456591622405#!/group.php?gid=57127533950 I no longer have an
issue about selling all my costumes and see them simply as stock. A few of
my costumes have gone to close friends, and am happier knowing that they
will be worn rather than stored and go to waste.

There is still loads of stuff to go on there so will keep us both going for
the next few weeks.

My visits to the post office, which is both needed for the sales and my
daily outing are becoming more regular and on some days I have to go twice,
or as earlier in the week three times. The guy in the post office thinks am
running some dodgy scam or something am sure.

Today I realised how tiring travelling to Christies and back can be. The
treatment appears to be the easy part of the process, but the majority of
this week the treatments have all been delayed by a minimum of 45 minutes.
This doesn't help when you turn up 30 minutes early, sitting in the waiting
room just draws the energy out of you.

This is one area where I really do feel sorry for Mark, all the driving,
even though it is only 8.5 miles away, it can take an hour each way. But he
wants to do the journey every day as its our time together - sad I know but
we have some really good conversations just the two of us in the car, it's
ike the conversations we had whilst travelling to a gig and back again, bit
like a mobile lounge, just with less candles and no access to the toilet....

Yesterday we also sorted out the piles of Christmas presents that we have
bought. Those people that know us will know that were usually really
organised and by now are almost completely bought up for Christmas, well
were not far behind and have only got a couple to buy for but there is now
very little time so we better get our skates on. Am looking forward to
Christmas this year, and have vowed that it will snow on Christmas Day - I
dug the snow machine out too so I know it will.....

Tomorrow I'm going to have a full day working on the store, and will see
what stuff I can get on. Once it's all on Facebook, I can then put it on
eBay, so plenty to do. Ark is going to finish the curtains for our lounge
and then we can get these put up, I must then fit the surround sound and
make sure all the cables are hidden away, I have been doing it for weeks,
but don't ever get round to it.

Anyway my legs are aching and I should be in bed.

Will update tomorrow.

Steve x

Not Holiday

Today has been a long day, a good day, a weird day and a not good day all in
one day.

Long day - We were up early to collect friends from the airport, they went
on the holiday we were supposed to be going on - we would have had an
additional week to go yet but hey ho, things were not supposed to work out
that way. We would have loved to have gone with them especially after seeing
their holiday pictures, but my treatment was priority as have said before.

Good Day - it's been good in the respect that everything I wanted to achieve
I have done, and now have a new to do list for tomorrow with only two items
on it (although one of them is only to put jacket potatoes in late in the
day for dinner) I like days where I get things done, and wish every day was
like today. I want to photograph some stock tomorrow so will get all my
little chores done first thing then work on that. Today at the hospital was
Doctor day, where I meet with the Oncologist. It's just a basic meeting with
to make sure am al ok, and that I don't have any issues., Another positive
tick on my daily good things list.

Weird Day - weird in the respect that although I know inside my head I am
ill today its not been an issue. I haven't had any symptoms other than my
bald head that have bothered me, today I haven't been fatigued it's been a
normal day, a day I could have gone back to work, a day I could have done my
normal life...

Not good day - Today I have also had words with someone very close to me,
that have been taken not the way I intended them to be, this has hopefully
all been sorted now as my intentions were not to create the scenario that
has arisen. One thing I have to realise is that my illness doesn't only
effect myself, but others too, and that they too can have good and bad days.
I know in part I have to be selfish and look out for myself, but sometimes
when people are looking out for me too, even though I may think they are
doing my head in, crowding me, or making decisions for me that what they are
doing is right and I should go with it.

I think I might ask my father in law to build me a soundproof booth in the
garden, and it can be used by myself and anyone I know to go and vent and
scream in, just get it off your chest and then everything will be back to
normal again.

The other bad thing was I had to wait over an hour and a half for my
treatment today at the hospital, one downside of having my treatment later
in the day is if there is an overrun on any of the treatments during the day
it all rolls up and ends up in me being delayed. I just have to sit with
Mark and wait, but this is one of the most tiring things of the whole
process the waiting. Still I can't complain it's all for my benefit in the
end.

Will finish by saying those people that are close to me, and they know who
they are mean the world to me and I know I might say the wrong thing
sometimes, it's not intentional but my excuse is simple - I'm human and
sometimes my emotions get the better of me and things come out wrong, I
haven't had training on how to handle situations like this, I wish sometimes
I could go on a course to understand what's going on and how to deal with
it, but these don't exist do they, you just have to work at it and carry on.

Love you all

Steve

Hair today, gone tomorrow....

<http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=5661691&id=580802044>
http://sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc4/hs1163.snc4/150582_457233192044_
580802044_5962637_8142794_n.jpg

I know what you're thinking...

I'm thinking the same thing, I look like my dad.

I have made the conscious decision to crop all of my hair since it started
to come out because of the radio therapy, I can't stop that, and it was
going patchy all round the back and on the right hand side too.

At least if it's all short then there is no problem with it coming out, as
it looks all short anyway, I just look a bugger with short hair, who knows I
might actually wear my wig more now, or more hats will be purchased....

There is so much to update for today but I am so tired I will do ti tomorrow
in a mega update.

Steve

Choices

Time for an update I think.

Yesterday was a bit of a hectic day and we managed to fit a lot in.

We started the day with a trip round the warehouses looking for a new product range that will be revealed soon. Fun and practical is the brief for the product so your going to have to wait till its launch. But everyone is going to want one or multiples of them.....

One part of yesterday I didn't enjoy though was as Mark would put it. "My Wobbly" in the shop. I can't even remember what was said now but it all boils down to the fact I feel like the majority of my choices and decisions have been taken away from me

Mark said his bit, I said my bit and we cleared the air. I shouldn't have had a go at him, but he's the closest person to me and unfortunately has to bear the brunt of my "Wobblys"

Going back to choices and decisions. Some of this cant be helped. I do have to eat at certain times, I do have appointments every day etc these u can't get out of. Its the smaller things like when people tell me I can't do that because am tired, or don't let Stephen do that because he shouldn't be doing it.

Stephen knows when he's tired and will sit down rest. I know my limitations and these are changing every day.

Whilst I am not ill I wish to carry on as normal. Or as normal as my life has become anyway. For example today I have done work for the office, been to the post office, done some chores and crossed off the majority of my to do list. I'm currently writing this whilst waiting in Christies for my treatment, will probably finish it in the car on the way home.

Today has bEen a good and productive day. And because I have been moving I haven't ached as much which again is a good thing.

This evening again is busy. We have friends from southport coming over to say hello and then we get the photo's back from last weeks photo shoot. All this takes time though.

There doesn't appear to be much time for us at the moment and a lot of our time is occupied by other peoples demands. These demands have always been there but we have always had an excuse be it Trouble - were working etc or something along the same lines, and people accepted that too. But now that Trouble has been retired off (albeit temporary as far as I'm concerned) now we haven't got this excuse were finding that a lot more people are demanding our time. and we haven't got an excuse to get out of it. I know that sounds awful its not intended to sound that way.

I understand because of my diagnosis and such that people do want to spend time with me, but this is different to how it was pre cancer. I would like to keep to normal and all these extra visits are out of the norm. I do appreciate the visits though in the same manner.

Anyway on a lighter note...

Mum I want to do a poo at Paul's... This appeared to be the phrase yesterday (its off the glade advert) as most of you will know because of some of my medications I have been unable to go to the loo. Yesterday though everywhere I went - I went if you get my drift.

Anyway will update more later.

Steve x
Sent via the Trouble BlackBerry®

ebay

Well today has been another good and productive day.

Our dressing room is slowly becoming more like a shop, as items go from our
personal things to sale items. The washing machine will be going into
overdrive in the next day's washing some of the costumes before they are
photographed. eBay has become my new home page as I work out what is going
on there and what to charge (I must admit to bidding on a few things as
well)

The treatment is slowly starting to make its presence in my life now, not
only in the loss of my hair on the left side of my head, which is now
getting to be a bigger bald patch, and its bloody itch, think sunburn and
your half way there. I have cream that I can apply but it still itches.

The aching and tiredness are also becoming a permanent presence too. The
aching can be alleviated by keeping going, and drinking plenty of liquids,
I'm constantly attached to a water bottle now, as I drink loads during the
day.

Tomorrow is another busy day as would like to pop to the warehouse for a new
product range and then off to my mum's for dinner.

I have felt good today, and want to continue this way.

More to follow tomorrow.

Steve

Smile

Hello my little bloggers.

Well today has definitely been a good day.

Managed to get my work done for the office this morning before a friend
arrived and we discussed a few ideas for her partners business, which we
have learned by running the Trouble Business. Simple ideas that often get
overlooked but are the simplest of things and make such a big difference.

Have also been to the post office with my ever growing eBay sales. These are
starting to roll back in again after a little time of inactivity. The best
thing is, the more sales I have the more I want and the more energy I have
to push the sales and get more listed. A friend I spoke to yesterday told me
that they are now turning over £20k a month on eBay so it can be a viable
business opportunity.

This afternoon my mum came down and took me out for the afternoon, we went
shopping before my treatment to a local shopping centre and picked up basics
(Hand sanitizer, cat food and juice) and then we headed off to Christies for
my treatment.

After I came out of my treatment there was a grl roughly my age who was in
with her Nan. She was on her second Radiotherapy session and was having
major issues with it, o be honest she was petrified. She explained that her
Nan was going into the treatment with a CALM nurse and that they helped her
through the experience.

I explained how it was from my perspective as our treatments are very
similar in respect of the mask etc. and explained that it does get easier,
and the thing that becomes the issue is the waiting for the treatment and
the travelling, as you know once you enter the Radiotherapy Suite you are
generally out aging within 10 minutes, it made them both feel a little
better that they had spoken to someone that had actually experienced the
treatment and the nurse with them also agreed with everything I said.

This also made me feel much better that I am also able to help someone else
overcome the fear of the treatment that I had to overcome myself.

I'm now on a countdown of the number of treatments I have left as I have
completed 16 Radiotherapy sessions now and have only got 14to go all going
well. There is signs of my treatment showing more though now, im bald
completely on the left side of my head in a large patch over my scar area
and the hair on the right side of my head is starting to fall out and go
thinner, this is to be expected.

I also get very achy after treatment especially towards the end of the week.
I found that by taking the advice of the nurses to keep a high intake of
liquid that this helps with the aching and Fatigue. It also helps to keep
meoving sometimes so even though I don't want to go for a walk I go, just to
keep my body moving, and I do feel that this benefits me, even though I
feel tired afterwards, the body doesn't feel as achy, its fir trade off.

After treatment we went to the Trafford Centre to do a little Xmas shopping,
we picked up a few nice things and have now sorted two presents that I
needed to get.

All in all a good day and now have a weekend free of Radiotherapy so just my
Chemo to take but this fits in with my day anyway.

Ready then for Monday when it all starts again.

But I have a full weekend to occupy myself with yet so what mischief can I
get upto? Will only know tomorrow.....

Till then

Steve

Tired

I have been tired today, and I know it's because of the treatment. This
morning I struggled to get myself motivated and even the littlest of things
were hard work. This is really the first time that I have experienced this
feeling for a full day. It got slightly worse after my treatment this
afternoon.

After my treatment today I had the usual fuzzy head and pressure behind my
left eye, this fades though after a couple of hours. Today though it's all
faded as usual but it has left me very tired. A good night's sleep should
help me out though, I'm glad that tomorrow is the last treatment of the week
though. I'm now half way through my entire course so that's a good thing.

I also managed to do a little bit of work from home, I'm just limited in
what I can do because of my machine. But the little bit that I can do gives
me some reason for every day - its mad that we all complain about going to
work every day and would like give up work at the drop of a hat. My choice
in the matter was made for me because of the illness and its now almost two
and a half months since I have been officially been in the office, its mad
but my whole day has been disrupted by nit going to work, and my normality
has been turned upon its head. The work I do now from home with the help of
work, helps me retain some of this normality, and I would like to thank work
for being accommodating in the issue.

Tomorrow I'm going out with my mum for the afternoon, nothing planned just
as yet but have to have treatment at 4pm so who knows what we will get up
to, will just be nice to be out with my mum for a couple of hours, it also
gives Mark the afternoon off and he can do whatever he wants to, its good
that he has time on his own too, although I do enjoy spending time with him,
even if it is just travelling to the hospital and back.

Will update tomorrow with what I get up to.

Steve

Wash and went....

Well today has been the first full day with my balding patch. Its also
started to come out on the other side of my head too today, I did remark to
the Oncologist that I expected it to be a gradual loss, and she said thats
not always the way... oh well.

I wore my wig all day today, including to the office where I have been in
and done a little work.

Nobody made an issue out of the fact I had a wig on, it was actually me that
made the first joke about it, to break the ice.

I really enjoyed going back into the office today, it provided me with a
little bit of normality, that and I got a load done as the PC was so
fast....

Have said as long as am able will go in and do more next week.

Nothing else to update though now, so will sign off and have an early night.

Steve

Just before Bed

Just before bed I have had a shower to try and rinse the loose bits if hair
from my head.

<http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=5661691&id=580802044>
http://sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash2/hs469.ash2/74284_453193022044_58
0802044_5924118_958098_n.jpg

This is the result, I now have a huge bald patch right over my scar area.

I'm OK with the hair loss, as it's all for a good reason, and the treatment
I am receiving will hopefully help me to be here for a lot longer. Its' just
odd that its gone from no hair loss yesterday to a huge bald spot today.

I have decided to go into the office tomorrow for a few hours, I have said I
would do, and it also gets me out of the house and gives me a little bit of
normality to my day, and would like to do it every week if possible.

He one issue I have now is, do I wear my wig, or a hat to hide my baldness.

I know the guys in the office will be OK with me wearing a wig, and that it
will actually be me that makes a joke out of my wig before any of them do, I
think that way there will be no issue.

Will decide in the morning.

Anyway am off to bed

More tomorrow.

Steve

Hair

Today I noticed one thing that I wasn't looking forward to, the loss of my
hair because of the Radiotherapy.

I noticed that my dressing gown was covered in hair on the left side when I
took it off this morning, and then when I went to scratch my head a little
later on a full clump came away in my hand. I will now consider cutting my
hair very short so that the bald patches are not as obvious. That and I now
have my wig on standby if I wish to use it, as well as my new vast
collection of hats too.

Will update later fully.

Steve

Hmmm

Today has been an odd day.

Back to treatment, this afternoon, but it all started this morning.

I just can't focus on anything today, and have done loads of little random
things to try and jolt my mind into something. I don't think it's a side
effect of the treatment, but more of just one of those days where my mind
just isn't where it should be. I had these days before any treatment or
illness so will just put it down to "one of those days"

Today has also been a busy day since going to Christies. Have arranged to
meet with friends this week, have made an appointment for BASIC as we didn't
realise that you cant just pop in you have to make an appointment to see
them, and they are busy so the earliest I can go is the 22nd. This is good
as I was going to pop down there on Friday with my mum.

My treatment today was as it is every day, however it does appear to have
drained me out this evening, and will be going to bed right after Corrie
(Jack leaves so has to be watched as apparently Vera makes an appearance
too....)

Tomorrow a friend is coming over to look at a load of costumes that he wants
to take back to Gran Canaria. It will be odd to see them go, but I know they
have to, both for my own sanity and for the space for my new ones when I get
through this. I have already seen a couple of pictures of someone else in
one of my costumes, so it will get easier.

Nothing more to mention today - so will sign off and say see you all
tomorrow.

Steve

Weekend Over

Well its the end of another weekend at Trouble Towers.

It's been a really odd weekend with various things going on that have made
me think.

Sunday was All Souls day (I think that's right) and is a special service at
Church where the people that have died in the last year are remembered. My
aunt lost her battle to Cancer on New year's Eve last year so we were all to
attend this service.

I was happy to attend the service, and was a good opportunity for me to meet
a large proportion of my extended family and look healthy.

However on the day I sat and thought about what the service was about I
decided I no longer wanted to go.

I wasn't emotionally ready for all the family who would have been very
supportive but also very fussing. That and the service itself, it could be
that my name is being read out on that list this time next year, im not
ready to think about that, especially after my thoughts of funerals this
weekend.

Someone has left me a message on my log about my wanting to organise a
funeral. They have said exactly how I feel, that once it's done its done,
and that it will be done my way.

Am back to treatment tomorrow, and this is the week that I should really
stat to notice the effects, as they say that treatments 10-20 are when
things start to kick in if they are going to affect you, well tomorrows
treatment is number 12 so who knows. I know that the tiredness is creeping
in much more now and that I still have slight headaches. I'm ready for
whatever is thrown at me though and know its just something that I have to
endure if I wish to have a chance of survival.

Overall its been a rollercoaster of a weekend but I'm fine now I'm bigger
and stronger and am able to handle these off days.

There's a lot of fight left in this old Queen yet, it just takes a little
persuasion to make it go sometimes, just like an old TV (no pun intended)
you have to switch it on a couple of minutes before you want to watch your
favourit TV program to allow it to warm up.

Who knows what tomorrow brings,

Only one way to find out, and that's to head off to bed and wait and see.

See you tomorrow.

Steve x

With a bang....

Well folks time for another update. I didn't do one yesterday as I was both tired and frustrated. Tired because of the treatment and frustrated because of the blasted fireworks that were going off all round the place. Heaven knows why especially on november 5th anyway lol....

I don't like fireworks at the best of times, call me miserable and such but I just see then as a waste of money and a noisy thing that lasts for weeks. Also one of our neighbours tries to blast his house into orbit every year with a commercial standard display. It just makes my ornaments rattle (in more ways than one)

The other thing about last night was memories. The last time I was stood on my doorstep was new years eve of last year. I was drinking a glass of champagne to my aunt Val that had sadly lost her battle to cancer that dat.

It got to me slightly and I ended up in a strange mood afterwards when we went to bed.

In bed I couldn't sleep, Mark was snoring, my legs were aching and restless and I just couldn't settle so I ended up trying to occupy my mind on eBay and by some odd internet advertising fluke I ended up looking at planning my own funeral.

Now I have no intention of going anywhere yet but know that my funeral being within the next few years is a possibility.

I would like to plan my funeral and not leave the burden to family and also to ensure that its done the way I want, after all its the last finale I will ever get to perform in.

That's something I have to think about now though as at present with all the songs I would like played its going to be a week of a funeral and the catering will have to be done in rotation.....

Anyway back to today, we have driven down to Lincolnshire to collect a chais lounge that Mark bought on eBay he will be doing it up and either selling it or it will fit into the house somewhere. On the way back we stopped in Leeds to do a spot of christmas shopping. We haven't bought any presents for anyone just a 5ft candelabra for us. Oh well....

Now were off to my mothers for a takeaway to finish off the day.

Who knows what's in store for tomorrow..

Steve

Sent via the Trouble BlackBerry®

Tired

Today has been another of those days when I have started to think about my
treatment.

I noticed last week that on the Thursday I was a little more tired than
normal, and that the Friday was a hard day to complete, I have been told
that this is to be expected as the treatment builds up in my system. I was a
little refreshed by Monday. However today I have noticed the signs again and
am expecting tomorrow to be a long day.

I have now completed 9 sessions of radiotherapy and have another 21 to go,
the travelling is starting to take its toll on me as is all the waiting at
the hospital, but is something I have to put up with. Medication wise
everything is running smoothly and am in a good routine for taking the Chemo
at the appropriate times. I'm sure though if you pick me up I will rattle
with the number of tablets I take...

Had a meal out tonight which was good but I think I ate too much (I know I
ate too much) and the mammoth Mixed grill was simply far too much for me, I
must admit to leaving half a sausage though which is bad form in considering
how much I actually ate, I'm sure I could have squeezed it in somewhere, we
then went from there to friends who offered us food, but we had to
graciously decline....

We have just got back from delivering three of our wigs to their new home
(two of mine and one of Marks) now it's always been our rule never to lend
anyone our wigs as they are our image but now that things have changed and
everything is going its odd to see someone else in our costumes and wigs
etc, it's also flattering that people would want to own them too. Still very
sad though that this part of my life has come to an end because of the
illness, but like I said before, when I come through the other side we will
have bigger and better costumes, and this is just an excuse to clear the
dressing room.

Nothing much else to mention today.

More to follow tomorrow.

Steve x

A new Hairstyle

Today has been a fun and interesting day, but also a day that has made me
think.

The shop is going well, which ic good, and the costumes are slowly working
their way to new owners all round the country, this is both sad for me as
they are ultimately costumes made for me but also good as they will actually
get worn again and be performed in, which is what they were made for.

Today have been at Christies for a large amount of the day. First was my wig
appointment at the Wig Room. Now this is going to sound stupid, but I was
very nervous about wearing a wig (who would have though) The wig is only
going to be used to give me a choice when my hair starts to fall out later
into the treatment. This part I am not too particularly bothered about but
my scar will be much more evident and I simply don't want the hassle of
people pointing it out and assuming whatever they like.

The wig itself is not far from my natural colour so is ok in that respect,
however its slightly longer than my natural style so looks different, but
considering in hadn't had my hair cut for the best part of 3 months before I
had it cut last week it was getting long anyway and it looked like that. So
now I have the choice of my wig or the hats to wear, I just need cold
weather now to wear my hats....

The other thing I have been thinking about today is the whole cancer issue
and the fact that there is so much money raised for cancer awareness, it
also annoys me that there is only a very small percentage of this money
raised that is actually spent on research into brain tumours and cancers.
Breast and testicles are all over the place, but the brain, the biggest and
most important part of the body is lacking in funding.

I have set myself a task of helping to raise the awareness of Brain Tumours
and Cancer and will do as much as I possibly can.

This blog is not just published on my blog but also linked on the
http://btbuddies.org.uk/ BT Buddies website. The site is a mine of
information on all things Brain Tumour related, and is run by a very
dedicated team.

The team are a charity and rely on volunteers and charitable donations.

This is where I get on my soapbox and ask for a little bit of help. As some
of you have said is there a charity that you can donate to then yes there
is, please go to their shop on eBay http://shop.ebay.co.uk/btbuddies/m.html
and buy something from them, so your doing your bit for charity, making me
smile and helping your retail urges all in the name of a good cause. Were
all smiling.

Something somebody said to me today is that I am an inspiration and that I
am so brave facing the news I have been given, my only response was that I'm
actually shit scared of the future but I have two choices either stand up
and fight and see where it gets me, or sit back and let this thing eat me up
inside and everyone around me. I'm not like that, I'm going to make a lot of
noise, be cantankerous and give this thing a run for its money. But I
suppose I do look at other people and see them as an inspiration so in a way
I suppose I am, it depends upon how you see things.

If you see me as an inspiration then good, im glad I am giving you the will
to go on, just like the people I look up to and make me want to carry on.
Together we can get through this, together we can beat this, Together we can
be strong.

Anyway that's enough of me ranting on, I'm going to organise a charity event
or something to work off the tension, who knows Miss Whiplash and Bobbie
Dazzler may make a Special guest appearance.

Steve x

Holiday

Today is the day we were supposed to be going on holiday.

Three weeks in India, has been booked for us since early March of this year.
But unfortunately due to my illness diagnosis, this had to be scrapped. The
choice was simple really. Go on holiday and probably no see Christmas, or
stay here, get the best possible treatment I can, and fight this thing.

There really isn't much of a choice is there.

For myself and you guys all around me I chose to stay and fight, and fight
is what am going to do.

There will be plenty of time for other holidays next year when am better.

This whole thing has made me think of some of the other choices I have had
to make in my life, and the choices are simply easier to accept and make.
Its amazing how life changing this whole thing has been.

Steve

Hmmm

Well is been a few days since I last updated my blog, and nothing major has
happened other than tiredness is becoming a major part of my life now.

Saturday was the visit of my sister in law and her husband, which was nice
as we only get to see them every few months as they are from Norfolk (or
that's where they live at least)

Saturday night was dinner with friends in Wigan - Jamaican delicacies - it
was lovely, and the conversation brilliant too, was nice to go out, not get
blind drunk (who would have thought me not getting blind drunk would be a
good thing....) and hen leave at a reasonable time.

Sunday morning was a bit of a slow start though for me as I was aching all
over - like I had run a million miles. I managed to complete the day though
as had loads to do.

Sunday afternoon was the photo shoot that I wanted with Mark and all four
parents, The photo shoot will be a reminder of good times when I don't feel
very well as the treatment gets further underway.

Today has been another of those days where the treatment is starting to kick
in. My body aches and is tired, and doing the smallest of things takes just
a little longer. I have not had any sickness though in the last few days
which is certainly a positive, and my appetite is at the moment unaffected.

The week ahead is looking really simple, just normal day to day items,
taking my exercise which I am intent on doing, although it's only walking to
the post office and back and my treatment.

Early nights are something that are becoming more of an option now too,
although I do struggle to sleep when I get there as I become restless, that
and my brain is slightly confused as to why I am in bed at such an early
time.

Tomorrow is the day were also supposed to be going on holiday to India. We
have been looking forward to the holiday since early March when it was
booked. Unfortunately because of treatment and the timescales involved we
have had to cancel.

Two of our friends who were going on the same holiday are still going
though, which we are OK with but it's still there that were supposed to be
going too. Were taking them to the airport though and waving them off. We
hope they have a lovely time and bring us back the goodies they have
promised (a stick of India Rock, and a Straw Elephant.....)

Tomorrow is another day (although it will start early because of the Airport
run, but tomorrow is going to be a good day. Every day no matter what is a
good day, and being ill, down or just not wanting to do anything - I have
to keep thinking positive and keep going forward.

Anyway enough of the PMA soapbox.

Just wanted to finish by saying thank you to my Partner Mark, and my four
parents for being so supportive over the last few weeks. They all do their
own little bit, and perform a little something in my life each day even
though they may not know it. I love you all.

Steve x

The Invisible Sun

Well yesterday was just the final day of this week's Radiotherapy, and its
already starting to show, as both Thursday and |Friday I was really tired
and I actually succumbed to a nap on Friday.

I think it's a culmination of my normal life doing normal things, and the
treatment, one of them is going to have to give a little, and I don't have
any choice with the treatment so am going to have to look at the rest of my
life me thinks.

The week as a whole though has been good, and this weekend my sister sis up
with her husband, which is nice as it's a change of the norm.

I'm still tired today but don't intend to do massive amounts, as even though
am sleeping I'm not getting any less tired, the Radiographers did say that
though as its not tiredness its fatigue (whatever the difference is)

Were off out today to do a little shopping as its a nice change (although
that's all we appear to do at the moment) so were off out with sister and
brother-in-law.

This evening were off to friends for dinner, I'm looking forward to it as
its going to be a Jamaican and I love different foods.

Will update later

Steve

Tired.

Today has been another good day for me, however the tiredness has really caught up with me. I walked to the end of our road a trip I try and do every day. The road just got longer and longer as I walked.
I had to do the trip though as I needed to go to the post office, and was something I feel I have to do.

I know I can push myself just a little every day but I know I suffer the consequences later in the day. Although am not napping at the moment like I was, today was one of those occasions where I should have possibly had a nap.

Another thing I have noticed this week is the amount of interest people have in me.

I know being a public figure of sorts as Miss Whiplash that I should be used to that but this is my real life. I know I have publicised the whole story of my illness on my blog and on Facebook but people always want to know more. And often people question you the same on a daily basis.

Have found though that because my Radiotherapy treatments are in the afternoon I can stick to a normal day, including food. I can have breakfast and lunch at appropriate times and then treatment and then dinner at normal time.

The timetable also allows both me and Mark to have semi normal days, as he is now going back to work as much as possible and am working from home too.

I'm sure its just me being me, and the attention is a good thing and the positivity is a good thing for me too but it is starting to stress me out a little, hence this blog I can release the info how I please. And its in a truthful manor.

Mark picks up on my stress and it then becomes an issue between the two of us.

Anyway am off to sleep now as tomorrow is another day.

Ps is it almost Xmas soon or something all the adverts are either sofas, games consoles or food hampers....
Sent via the Trouble BlackBerry®

Alone

I have just had a thought about my radiotherapy.

Its something I have to do on my own. Even though people can come with me I have to be alone to have the treatment.

This technically be a very frightening experience for a lot of people. I am here to say that its not a frightening experience at all.

If anyone wants to discuss it with me drop me a line and I will be happy to talk you through it as a patient rather than from a medical side.

Anyway doctors turn now for my weekly check up.

Steve
Sent via the Trouble BlackBerry®

Mini update

Well here I am day 4 of my radiotherapy and its the same faces both patients and nurses. This goes some way to adding normality to my life. Hospital is just the new norm.

The other thing is I now walk round the hospital and go to various departments and 1) I know my way around 2) I now am one of the smiling people.

That's the biggest thing about the hospital for me and have probably said it before but everyone smiles. Even the porters delivering the mail smile too. There is a positive vibe about the place, even though the worst ever news anyone can receive is delivered here on a daily basis.

POSITIVITY is all anyone here can have and it shows in all these smiling faces. With a back-up army of love from friends and family either way they all keep smiling.

Will update later as I have to see the doctor shortly for my weekly consultation. Have also had my blood taken too, joy another weekly occurrence.... There is more of my blood in labs round Manchester than there is in me I think. All for my own benefit though so can't complain.

Steve x

Sent via the Trouble BlackBerry®

Odd Week

Well its only Tuesday but its already been a funny old week.

With the costumes being slowly sold and visits to the post office now
becoming a daily basis. This is making the new normal for me.

This is one thing I am finding strange, my life has changed dramatically, I
used to be all focused around work on a 9 to 5 basis and then my other jobs
around that. It's now completely different, having to fit in a little bit of
work every day for the office, I have treatment to fit into my day, tablets
to take, calls to make for various appointments etc. It's really odd but I
don't know how my old life actually fitted together.

The problem with my treatment and such is my attention span is shorter than
normal and my short term memory is completely shot. I have to wrote lists of
things to do, or put dates in my diary so that I remember things. By having
structure in my day I'm overcoming all these issues.

The other odd thing I have seen this week is the pictures of Jayne, who came
up with her partner at the weekend.

Mark decided to do her with a Drag makeover, and it was odd seeing someone
wearing my costumes, generally I wouldn't share them with anyone else, but
now that they are being sold its no longer an issue, it's still odd though,
and will be more odd when I see pictures of other artists wearing them.

The other odd thing about the weekend is being centric around my medication,
the day now runs around my meds, and I have to take a few... I'm constantly
watching the clock so that I know when to take them, I used to just take a
Paracetomol every so often when needed and then only when I had the time.
Its strange how the structure of my life has changed.

One other thing I have discovered since I have come out of hospital, and
it's not a bad thing really is I have discovered now have a little OCD for
washing my hands, every time I walk through the kitchen, or past the
bathroom i wash my hands, I used to use a lot of the alcohol hand wash in
the office, but I'm now getting progressively worse. It's not something I am
worried about as it's a good thing, but something I must be aware of, have
let other people know too so that they can monitor it around me.

Oh well me and my little OCD are off to be, and I promise to keep a much
more regular update on here, would be interesting to see if after hospital
visits anyone has experienced an OCD coming on? Let me know if you do,

Steve x

Treatment day 3

Well today is treatment day three, and still no side affects which is good.
Normal life is resuming as normal as It can anyway.

We have been planning the next few weeks of my treatmnt too so that we can
work it into our life, its has been decided that im going to have the
treatment later in the day so that at least Mark can at least to work for
the majority of the day, and I can have a normal ish day working at home, it
also allows me to put structure into the week as well as thats the one thing
I have lost over the last two months.

I'm so glad that I am not suffering sickness from the Chemo, as I can
handle being ill, but I cant do being sick.

This weekend has been great as friends of ours have been up from Norfolk,
and they have been a real tonic, like with Last weekend, it changes
everything it takes theh Cancer Element out of the day and makes it a normal
day.

Nothing much else to wrote today, as its just beeb a nice day with friends,
doing nice things. Thats how I wish to continie and just fit my treatment
into the day.

Steve x

Mega Update

Well I didn't do an update as I had loads on, and then friends came over
too.

Yesterday was the first day of my treatment.

I now have to take close 20 tablets a day as you have seen from the
photographs,

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http://sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc4/hs892.snc4/72523_445171857044_58
0802044_5779823_1566916_n.jpg

The radiotherapy went without a hitch, although the appoitment was much
longer than I axpected as she run through absolutely everything. She has
said that my subsiquent treatments will be much quicker as it will be a case
if turn up, get clipped in and get zapped.

The chemo also started on Friday, which consists of 5 tablets.

The only problem with Chemo is the sickness. So I take an anti sickness
tablets as well. The sickness was the main worry of mine as I donr do being
sicl. Luckily I havent had any sickness on either Friday or Sunday.

The only problem is the headaches. Ever since I have come off the steroids I
have had progressively worsening headaches, and have been taking painkillers
to combat them, this has now been combatted as they have put be back onth a
small dose, and they have halped dramatically.

I have also been told that I have to drink lots more water as this will
combat the fatigue that I will start to feel over the course of my
treatment, so my new man-bag accessory is a sports bottle of water.

Other than that its been a normal weekend we have been shopping with friends
who have come up from Norfolk for the weekend.

Will update again tomorrow.

Steve