Looking back over the years entries including that from new year 2011/12 I can see how very much things have changed. Before I go on though I just think it’s worth getting Christmas out of the way with a mention at very least. I had a lovely Christmas this year, waking up in the arms of someone I loved so much was perfect. Something I never imagined possible again just 12 months previously. I don’t need to labour much on the gifts, it’s about the giving not the receiving however, there are some I’d rather have not received. I was fore warned though. I’m not a snob at all but “Poundland” is not known for its fine fragrances.
My Sister and Brother in Law arrived on Christmas Day from Norfolk which was a big surprise for my Mum. She didn’t think she was coming until late on Boxing Day so she was very pleased to see my Sister, as was I. I had to help keep the surprise by laying the table for five (without sis and brother in law) and also only putting presents out for those who were “supposed “ to be here at Christmas.
The meal went off without a hitch. Everything was homemade, nothing was “courtesy of.... A.N.Other supermarket” but all fresh wholesome food prepared with a hint of creativity from yours truly.
On Boxing Day Jon and I didn’t bother getting dressed at all. We slobbed all day in our dressing gowns. It was lovely to just relax all day after a later start. It was something neither of us would usually do. The following day we attended a family party and since then we have also caught up with some other friends. It’s been lovely to spend time with family and friends, new and old. It reminds us what’s important and I hope we can spend more time with each other and those who are important to us for the coming year. We, (I) had hoped to go and visit friends for new year too but after being landed with a £565.00 bill for heating repairs the funds just won’t stretch. Hopefully we can catch up early in the new year though.
Back to now. It’s New Years Eve. One of my least favourite nights of the year. It always has been. Those with Steve before diagnosis were the best I remember but since then they have been as unpleasant as I always remember. Maybe in the future this will change, I expect so.
Looking back over the year there have been many low points. The first anniversary of Steve’s passing, losing friends, being hurt by “friends” and of course the usual tribulations of life when things don’t go to plan. I am sure there are some people who would delight in my pain. They’ll get no satisfaction here. Happiness is the overwhelming flavour of the last 12 months. Some of it forced because I refuse to let grief and/or Cancer spoil my life any more but most of it a genuine and enthusiastic, and an all consuming feeling.
Early this year I met a very special man. Not someone to replace or compare to Steve but someone different, VERY different and he has had a wonderful impact on my life. Yes he knows of and accepts Steve but he also accepts me and I accept him. We BOTH have “baggage” but we manage to make each other very happy. I’ve found a new job and have managed to get the charity I set up in Stephens memory set up. I have a charity number for the charity www.lgbtcancersupport.org.uk now and have a clear vision of where I want to “take it”. When the training for my new job finishes early in March I will be able to focus more time on it and move it forward in leaps hopefully.
Looking forward I have so many hopes and aspirations for the future. Some of them as an individual and some of them as part of a couple. Some will be achieved this year and others may take longer and some may need re-considering but, the important thing is that I am aware of that and accept it and I know, because I have lived through such horrible times, that no matter what life throws at me I can deal with it and I will come out the other side, stronger and better for it. On a more flippant note this cheers me as tonight I’ve discovered my washing machine has broken. That’s £565 for boiler repairs and now a new washing machine...! Goodbye 2012 an d hello 2013!
Whatever you’re up to this evening have a lovely time. Take a moment to recall those who have made you happy this year. Friends and family. I will be.
I hope you have a peaceful and happy 2013 and I wish you all you wish for yourself.
Lots of Love,