One year older

One year older but do I feel wiser? Hmm it's debatable. Looking back to my birthday One year ago I can see I was in a very different place.

Here is the post from the day before my birthday last year: http://troubleblogging.blogspot.com/2011/12/significant-six.html

I could never have imagined the year I have had. I don't remember what I wanted for the coming year last year but I never imagined, just three months after this post it would bring a new partner as special as Jonathan.

So lets look at it. It's now 18 months since Steve passed away. It's gone really quickly. As you will have read in recent posts I have had highs and lows but Steve is very much still a part of my life and of Jonathan's life too now as if it affects me then it affects him too.

It seems some people have assumed because I have Jonathan then I have forgotten Steve. That isn't the case at all. Eighteen months on though and in general I feel like I am in a good place. Jon has really made a difference in my life. I'm not sure what my frame of mind would have been now if I had not met him but I'm not going to dwell on it. I am just happy I met him.

My birthday this year has been lovely. Jon tried his best to get me "excited" about my birthday this year but I struggled. I guess I have been nonchalant about it for a few years so am just not used to enjoying it.

This year though I did enjoy it. It started on Thursday when Jon took me to see Ken Dodd's show. I mentioned a few weeks ago I'd like to see him whilst I still can as he's 85 and wont be around forever. The show started at 7.30 but he is notorious for being on stage for a very long time. This was a problem as I had an important exam to sit on Friday morning so we left in the interval.... at 10.40! He was great and my lasting impression was that he thoroughly enjoyed doing what he does.

I commented that I would be happy to work until I physically can't work any more so long as I am able to enjoy it as much he clearly loved what he does. That is of course if I am lucky enough to get to his age.

On Friday we had a relaxed night in and on Saturday we went to a family gathering. That was nice too. On Sunday I got to open presents. That was lovely. My Sister and some other friends had sent presents and Jon had bought loads, it was great. I don't think I am a difficult person to buy for though. Everything was lovely and there is too much to list and I appreciate it all and will look forward to using them.

On reflection I don't think I looked forward to the last two birthdays as there seemed little to look forward to. There was so much uncertainty in the future but the future generally looked bleak. Now I have a new partner I realise I have a brighter future. Not because of him but in part, with him. Being "loved up" again makes everything seem better.

The other positive change has been the new job. I am really enjoying it so that has lifted my spirits too. The house needs to sell now and then things would be really rosy. I keep getting told to let things take shape in their own time, I'm impatient though and whilst I know "everything for a reason and nothing before its time" it's still toughs obtaining focus. I suppose though I now have a special guardian angel, he sent me a new partner and guided me toward a new job so I guess he will be nudging the move in due course.

Well, this week so far has been a good but busy one. Seeing friends, wrapping presents and finishing off the chrimbo prep. Not long to go now before the fat fella comes down the chimney so I will try and write again before then but if not will at least aim to "review the year" before it ends.

Take care of you and yours and I hope you all have a happy safe and wonderful christmas.

Lots of love,
M x


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