Catch up

Wow! It's been over a month since I blogged last. How time has flown and how things have changed in such a short space of time.

On November 5th I received a call confirming I could start my new job on December 3rd. I quickly had to submit my notice and start finalising things including the £200k funding bid I was working on.

My notice period went without a hitch really. I was pleased to leave my old job as so much has changed and it had become less enjoyable. I'm not going to discuss my new job as many will know what it is and it isn't really that important although its suffice to say this week has been very enjoyable. It's week one of an eleven week training course so there's a long way to go but I'm pleased I made the move.

I had to call back in to the old place on Wednesday to sign the £200k bid before submission. We will find out how it's gone in around 16 weeks so fingers crossed eh!

Part of the reason for leaving my old job is so I can spend more time focussing on a more personal project. Although the new job is still full time I won't be able to take my job or work home with me so in my spare time I can focus my energies on making a difference to other people's lives.

If you've read for a long time then you will know Stephen and I had a very mixed experience of cancer and of cancer support. We found there is no specific support for members of the LGBT community dealing with cancer. After he'd receive his first wave of treatment Stephen and I made a pact to rectify this just as soon as he got better.

As you know, he didn't get better but I've still kept to my end of the bargain. With support from a friend and also Steve's Mum who has been doing car boot sales this year to raise funds we have finally got to a point where we are now registered as a charity with the charity commission.

www.lgbtcancersupport.org.uk was "born" this October officially. This isn't the end of the journey but the very beginning. There is a lot to do and I am slowly gathering support. I have an old friend who is an accounts expert who has volunteered for doing the finance stuff and a few others who are happy to help wherever possible but I will also be on the lookout for others, researchers, web designers, graphic designers, copywriters and other forms of help which I may not yet know I need.

Take a look at the website and feel free to use the contact form there to tell me what you think. It's going to change a lot over the coming months. Those changes will probably happen more once training for my new job is complete but at least I am now in a job which will afford me free time to do what I want and need.

I must say I have been very lucky though to have the support of those around me and in particular the support of a partner who is happy to help and support me in trying to pay the best possible tribute I can to my late partner. I am not sure outsiders understand what a positive effect he has had on me and some perhaps do not want to see how good he has been for me, it may be that they don't want to see because their feelings for steve are influencing that but the point is though that I know and I appreciate it.

On times I feel I need to remind other people that I am still a widower and I am still fighting a daily battle to deal with how that makes me feel. Not Jonathan, in fact never Jonathan, he accepts Stephen is as much a part of his life as he is mine. I am convinced others look in and think I have forgotten Steve and their insensitivity, attitudes and actions back this theory up. It's difficult, for many reasons. Yes, I have good days and good weeks but a recent incident reminded me that my recovery this far is relatively fragile.

Onwards. Christmas is just over two weeks away and then new year. I love Christmas and hate new year by I am looking forward to reflecting on this year. It's been difficult. There have been good and bad times and whilst its been wonderful meeting someone special in equal measure that has been tough too. Obviously my history factors a part of the difficulty but there are other external factors too. Hopefully 2013 will be more positive.

For now though most presents have been bought, many are wrapped its mainly Jonathan I have left to buy for. This weekend though we are heading to London so no shopping but, I am looking forward to us spending time together .

I'm signing off for now, have a great weekend and I hope to write soon

xxx M xxx

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