Wednesday, 17 November 2010

Not Holiday

Today has been a long day, a good day, a weird day and a not good day all in
one day.

Long day - We were up early to collect friends from the airport, they went
on the holiday we were supposed to be going on - we would have had an
additional week to go yet but hey ho, things were not supposed to work out
that way. We would have loved to have gone with them especially after seeing
their holiday pictures, but my treatment was priority as have said before.

Good Day - it's been good in the respect that everything I wanted to achieve
I have done, and now have a new to do list for tomorrow with only two items
on it (although one of them is only to put jacket potatoes in late in the
day for dinner) I like days where I get things done, and wish every day was
like today. I want to photograph some stock tomorrow so will get all my
little chores done first thing then work on that. Today at the hospital was
Doctor day, where I meet with the Oncologist. It's just a basic meeting with
to make sure am al ok, and that I don't have any issues., Another positive
tick on my daily good things list.

Weird Day - weird in the respect that although I know inside my head I am
ill today its not been an issue. I haven't had any symptoms other than my
bald head that have bothered me, today I haven't been fatigued it's been a
normal day, a day I could have gone back to work, a day I could have done my
normal life...

Not good day - Today I have also had words with someone very close to me,
that have been taken not the way I intended them to be, this has hopefully
all been sorted now as my intentions were not to create the scenario that
has arisen. One thing I have to realise is that my illness doesn't only
effect myself, but others too, and that they too can have good and bad days.
I know in part I have to be selfish and look out for myself, but sometimes
when people are looking out for me too, even though I may think they are
doing my head in, crowding me, or making decisions for me that what they are
doing is right and I should go with it.

I think I might ask my father in law to build me a soundproof booth in the
garden, and it can be used by myself and anyone I know to go and vent and
scream in, just get it off your chest and then everything will be back to
normal again.

The other bad thing was I had to wait over an hour and a half for my
treatment today at the hospital, one downside of having my treatment later
in the day is if there is an overrun on any of the treatments during the day
it all rolls up and ends up in me being delayed. I just have to sit with
Mark and wait, but this is one of the most tiring things of the whole
process the waiting. Still I can't complain it's all for my benefit in the

Will finish by saying those people that are close to me, and they know who
they are mean the world to me and I know I might say the wrong thing
sometimes, it's not intentional but my excuse is simple - I'm human and
sometimes my emotions get the better of me and things come out wrong, I
haven't had training on how to handle situations like this, I wish sometimes
I could go on a course to understand what's going on and how to deal with
it, but these don't exist do they, you just have to work at it and carry on.

Love you all


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