It's been a really odd weekend with various things going on that have made
me think.
Sunday was All Souls day (I think that's right) and is a special service at
Church where the people that have died in the last year are remembered. My
aunt lost her battle to Cancer on New year's Eve last year so we were all to
attend this service.
I was happy to attend the service, and was a good opportunity for me to meet
a large proportion of my extended family and look healthy.
However on the day I sat and thought about what the service was about I
decided I no longer wanted to go.
I wasn't emotionally ready for all the family who would have been very
supportive but also very fussing. That and the service itself, it could be
that my name is being read out on that list this time next year, im not
ready to think about that, especially after my thoughts of funerals this
weekend.
Someone has left me a message on my log about my wanting to organise a
funeral. They have said exactly how I feel, that once it's done its done,
and that it will be done my way.
Am back to treatment tomorrow, and this is the week that I should really
stat to notice the effects, as they say that treatments 10-20 are when
things start to kick in if they are going to affect you, well tomorrows
treatment is number 12 so who knows. I know that the tiredness is creeping
in much more now and that I still have slight headaches. I'm ready for
whatever is thrown at me though and know its just something that I have to
endure if I wish to have a chance of survival.
Overall its been a rollercoaster of a weekend but I'm fine now I'm bigger
and stronger and am able to handle these off days.
There's a lot of fight left in this old Queen yet, it just takes a little
persuasion to make it go sometimes, just like an old TV (no pun intended)
you have to switch it on a couple of minutes before you want to watch your
favourit TV program to allow it to warm up.
Who knows what tomorrow brings,
Only one way to find out, and that's to head off to bed and wait and see.
See you tomorrow.
Steve x
well said gurl your a strong bird and you will cope best you can when needed and ya know that everyone is always s ending ya positive thoughts and loves <3 Paul <3
ReplyDeleteI think it was me that wrote on your other blog entry Steve, my son also has a BT and I have been chatting with your Mum on fb <3 We are a few more months down this road, not much but just wanted to share that its ok to grieve for the future you imagined, even though its different you still have a future and the courage and determination you have shown will see you through. Today might not be a 'kick its arse' day but that doesn't mean its got to you. You might be tired tomorrow too but the courage you have is there inside you and will breakthrough to make a good thing out of this experience in your life :) Love Lyndsey x x x
ReplyDelete