Here goes with another attempt at trying to update my blog from last week, after my short blog last night I am sure you can see my frustration with technology.
Anyway, after I wrote my blog on our anniversary I went to bed, there I cried myself to sleep, I seemed to be crying for hours. I felt alone and lonely, sad the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with has gone. When we said “till death us do part” I had never realised it would come so soon after.
Saturday 15th was pretty uneventful. On Sunday 16th I was supposed to be going out with a friend, a little like the Three Kings he travelled from afar but not with Gold Frankincense and Myrrh but with White wine, Red wine and Mirth. Also, more like a Queen than a King but you get my drift. We were supposed to go and see another friend’s drag show early evening. I was fine in the morning and early afternoon but then it descended on me, like a cloud of gloom, a melancholy mood which I couldn’t shrug so, not wanting to spoil other peoples fun I decided not to go and to go for a drive instead. If I am honest the drive didn’t help but it meant I was alone and not upsetting anyone else with my miserable mug.
Monday was pretty uneventful from what I remember, just work and home as usual but, on Tuesday J arrived, I cooked and we ended up sat till the wee small hours over a few bottles of wine chatting about all sorts, mainly Steve I guess but, my friend doesn’t seem to mind, he understands as he too has lost a loved one tragically way too soon.
On Wednesday it was work as usual during the day but in the evening we hit the town, well, sort of. I got home from work, freshened up and changed as did J, we then headed in to Manchester for dinner before heading off to see Peter Kay and his Tour That Didn’t Tour Show, it was fab, a real laugh and a much needed tonic. Another friend had been bought tickets and was unable to go so they kindly asked if I’d like to go, I said yes and then decided to ask my friend to come too. It was a real giggle. If I am honest I sometimes don’t get the Peter Kay brand of humour which seems to be shout louder and repeat several times but, on Wednesday I did, he was VERY funny and we both enjoyed a good old laugh. I would like to say my laughter wasn’t tempered by thoughts of Steve but it was, I missed him a lot and we spoke of him too during the interval, Steve would however have been pleased to see us out and about. It was an unexpected but very much appreciated night out and as I have already said, a real tonic.
On Thursday we had a viewing on the house so I had to come home from work early to do the show around, she seemed interested but we have heard nothing yet so will take that she has seen somewhere else preferable. Thursday and Friday were quiet apart from that. On Friday I met with a Friend and we headed out for some retail therapy and a chat, it was nice to have a wander about. On Saturday it was much the same, I met with an old friend, we spent the whole day shopping and chatting, our coffee breaks seemed to go on forever as we sat and chatted. Even though we have not seen each other for a long while it was like we saw each other last week, we had a lovely time and again, it was a real tonic to catch up with her.
Last week I also booked tickets to go on the train to see my Sister, her hubby and some friends in November. The train journey is 5 hours but the drive would be the same, the train is cheaper though and it means I can relax on the journey and arrive fresher than if I had driven. It will be nice to see my sister again as I have not seen here since Steve’s funeral, similarly the friends I will see there too, I’ve not seen them since Steve’s funeral. I am really looking forward to it and, I will be stashing a bottle of Gin in my suitcase when I go as I think a few bevies are in order. I didn’t get to see much of them around the time of the funeral so now, five months on, I think it is about time we raised a glass or several to Stephen, to friends and to the future and whatever it may hold.
Sunday was a good day, I spent it being creative and crafty, it was nice to have some me time which was also creative time.
Yesterday was work as usual and Today I left work and headed in to town to the shops, there was something I wanted but alas, the shop is no longer stocking the item, perhaps I will revert to Amazon. Oh, that’s the other thing too, lots of people have already asked me what I want for Christmas. I can’t comment on their planning as I am also well prepared for Christmas. Instead of saying “I don’t know” I have tried to start a “Wish List” on Amazon, just search my name on Amazon and it should be there somewhere, I don’t quite know how it works but I am told it does. As my birthday comes before xmas though I have already said I want to be boring and have cash for that as there is a modification I want done to the car which the money will come in very useful for and it will be the “finishing touch” to the changes I have made so far.
Well, I think I have covered everything now, before I go though I do just want to say a huge thank you to all my friends and family for all their support. Some of you have been supportive without knowing it and others by not doing much other than just being there of making their presence felt. I really do appreciate and thank all our friends, I’d like to think they know who they are.
Friends are like stars.....
You don’t have to see them to know they are there.
Love to you all,
M x
Showing posts with label Positive. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Positive. Show all posts
Tuesday, 25 October 2011
Saturday, 23 July 2011
WOWZERS
I know, I have turned in to Batman or Robin, well I would look as good as them in Lycra I'm sure so therefore I can say that.
Yes, I'm on a roll, (although I am not being negative when I say I don't expect it to last), this is the third good day in a row. I have actually had a few "reflective" moments today but, they didn't turn me to a heap of wailing jelly, they made me feel warm, (and tearful) but in a nice way if that makes sense. I have REALLY missed Steve today, he would have enjoyed the spontaneity of the day, naah not enjoyed, LOVED but, I guess I have to keep that in mind and keep going forward.
This morning I got up and tidied our bedroom, I did some washing, Steve used to do it all the time as he liked making sure the washer was busy and I tidies our lounge. Nothing major just putting stuff away. I said the other day I was ready to put some stuff out of sight that had been out since the funeral and I have, theres a few things been put away, it doesn't feel like there is less of Steve here though so that is good.
After that I had a shower as the estate agent was due at 2pm. I managed to get showered and dressed after I had done everything and was sorting some stuff out upstairs when he came. I sorted all that out and then decided to meddle with the car as my new phone cradle and replacement button arrived for the handsfree set. An extravagant £11 in total and it works perfectly, I am V-happy and I am now inclined to agree with Steve that maybe he has "rubbed off" on me and I am turning into a techno geek.
Talking of Steve I thought about his this afternoon too, I was sat in the car outside the house talking to 'T' (pot) about me and about Steve etc and there it was again, another rainbow. 'T' said that's Steve saying he's happy because I sorted the handsfree myself, I think I agree, usually I would have left it to him, not because i couldn't do it but because I couldn't be bothered and he could. It was nice to see though and it made me smile, and this time without streams of tears down my face. Like a bus, you wait for ages for one and then I get two rainbows in a week... BIG SMILES!
This afternoon two friends called around, J was coming anyway and I knew D was planning to come but they had evidently spoken and arrived together with D's two dogs. I was lovely to see them. I love dogs and would love one on the boat with me when I get it but two cats a dog and me might be a bit much.... but, never say never.
We had a coffee and had planned to go for lunch but, with doggies in tow plans were revised and we all went to D's for dinner. It was lovely, it was they type of afternoon Steve would have loved. No plans just deciding on the go and going with it. Dinner was de-lish and, I wouldn't just say that but it was, good grub, good friends and good wine.... yeah forgot that bit, I had a small glass with dinner as I was driving, something I never usually do but it was lovely and, above all, it was nice to have a drink and not drink to get drunk as I guess many of us do when we are younger.
I came home and have been on the PC most of the night, not doing what I needed to but still it's been nice. I am not going to start what I need to now as I have had a few Bacardi's now, well, two actually but they were very large ones.... oops.
I am quite excited about tomorrow oddly, my car goes back to the garage tomorrow, I say goodbye officially to the car Steve and I had and officially hello to the new one. the new one is not as new as the old one but she is lovely, an absolute pleasure to drive, (she's put the fun back in to driving) and it is more the sort of car Steve and I would have liked, smaller, sportier and fun. We always had big cars, when we had the 4x4 it wasn't because we wanted or needed a 4x4 but we needed the space to get out DJ kit around plus suitcases of costumes.
With the next car again, we needed the space for ferrying the kit around and with this car, a Peugeot 3008, we got it because it was practical, it could comfortably fit four people and the boot was big enough to fit a wheelchair in even if we had 4 people in the car.
We didn't know how sick Steve would get or if he would need a wheelchair but we thought about it just in case. Steve hated the thought of a wheelchair but was quite sensible and keen to get a car that would suit our needs whatever they may have turned out to be. He never needed a wheelchair, with hindsight we could have got something sporty and had a more fun car but, we were being practical. Hey though, it's not a big deal.
I guess you can see now why I am excited about getting rid of it, it symbolised Steve being ill and us planning for that. It wasn't a car which reflected two young(ish) guys with no children to worry about and just enjoying life. Although Steve loved the car he hated it too because of what it symbolised and the reasons behind it's purchase. I guess tomorrow is a significant day too, it's saying goodbye to another marker or reminder of Steve's illness and how it affected and changed our lives and how it continues to affect my life. Today has been a good day though and if I keep thinking of the positives about the old car going and the new car meaning a cancer free life then hopefully tomorrow will be a good one too. fingers crossed.
Well I am going to bed, it's 12.56 here now and I hope to be tucked up in bed by 1.30am .... here's hoping!
Goodnight xxx
Yes, I'm on a roll, (although I am not being negative when I say I don't expect it to last), this is the third good day in a row. I have actually had a few "reflective" moments today but, they didn't turn me to a heap of wailing jelly, they made me feel warm, (and tearful) but in a nice way if that makes sense. I have REALLY missed Steve today, he would have enjoyed the spontaneity of the day, naah not enjoyed, LOVED but, I guess I have to keep that in mind and keep going forward.
This morning I got up and tidied our bedroom, I did some washing, Steve used to do it all the time as he liked making sure the washer was busy and I tidies our lounge. Nothing major just putting stuff away. I said the other day I was ready to put some stuff out of sight that had been out since the funeral and I have, theres a few things been put away, it doesn't feel like there is less of Steve here though so that is good.
After that I had a shower as the estate agent was due at 2pm. I managed to get showered and dressed after I had done everything and was sorting some stuff out upstairs when he came. I sorted all that out and then decided to meddle with the car as my new phone cradle and replacement button arrived for the handsfree set. An extravagant £11 in total and it works perfectly, I am V-happy and I am now inclined to agree with Steve that maybe he has "rubbed off" on me and I am turning into a techno geek.
Talking of Steve I thought about his this afternoon too, I was sat in the car outside the house talking to 'T' (pot) about me and about Steve etc and there it was again, another rainbow. 'T' said that's Steve saying he's happy because I sorted the handsfree myself, I think I agree, usually I would have left it to him, not because i couldn't do it but because I couldn't be bothered and he could. It was nice to see though and it made me smile, and this time without streams of tears down my face. Like a bus, you wait for ages for one and then I get two rainbows in a week... BIG SMILES!
This afternoon two friends called around, J was coming anyway and I knew D was planning to come but they had evidently spoken and arrived together with D's two dogs. I was lovely to see them. I love dogs and would love one on the boat with me when I get it but two cats a dog and me might be a bit much.... but, never say never.
We had a coffee and had planned to go for lunch but, with doggies in tow plans were revised and we all went to D's for dinner. It was lovely, it was they type of afternoon Steve would have loved. No plans just deciding on the go and going with it. Dinner was de-lish and, I wouldn't just say that but it was, good grub, good friends and good wine.... yeah forgot that bit, I had a small glass with dinner as I was driving, something I never usually do but it was lovely and, above all, it was nice to have a drink and not drink to get drunk as I guess many of us do when we are younger.
I came home and have been on the PC most of the night, not doing what I needed to but still it's been nice. I am not going to start what I need to now as I have had a few Bacardi's now, well, two actually but they were very large ones.... oops.
I am quite excited about tomorrow oddly, my car goes back to the garage tomorrow, I say goodbye officially to the car Steve and I had and officially hello to the new one. the new one is not as new as the old one but she is lovely, an absolute pleasure to drive, (she's put the fun back in to driving) and it is more the sort of car Steve and I would have liked, smaller, sportier and fun. We always had big cars, when we had the 4x4 it wasn't because we wanted or needed a 4x4 but we needed the space to get out DJ kit around plus suitcases of costumes.
With the next car again, we needed the space for ferrying the kit around and with this car, a Peugeot 3008, we got it because it was practical, it could comfortably fit four people and the boot was big enough to fit a wheelchair in even if we had 4 people in the car.
We didn't know how sick Steve would get or if he would need a wheelchair but we thought about it just in case. Steve hated the thought of a wheelchair but was quite sensible and keen to get a car that would suit our needs whatever they may have turned out to be. He never needed a wheelchair, with hindsight we could have got something sporty and had a more fun car but, we were being practical. Hey though, it's not a big deal.
I guess you can see now why I am excited about getting rid of it, it symbolised Steve being ill and us planning for that. It wasn't a car which reflected two young(ish) guys with no children to worry about and just enjoying life. Although Steve loved the car he hated it too because of what it symbolised and the reasons behind it's purchase. I guess tomorrow is a significant day too, it's saying goodbye to another marker or reminder of Steve's illness and how it affected and changed our lives and how it continues to affect my life. Today has been a good day though and if I keep thinking of the positives about the old car going and the new car meaning a cancer free life then hopefully tomorrow will be a good one too. fingers crossed.
Well I am going to bed, it's 12.56 here now and I hope to be tucked up in bed by 1.30am .... here's hoping!
Goodnight xxx
Friday, 22 July 2011
A good habit to get in to...
Today has been another good day! I know! Shock horror and all that. It was good insofar as I didn't feel so down today. The sun has shone for most of the day, well for long enough for me to put the washing out to dry after being lulled into a false sense of security just before the heavens opened and the rain came down!
I got up this morning and pottered for a bit, I cleaned the car out, took it for a wash and then came back to polish it, stopping off en route for some cat food and the obligatory new air freshener for the car.
This evening I called round to see a friend and we went out for a drive. We weren't out long but I suppose it beats sitting around with a brew.
Tonight I have been sat here reading, reading stuff on the Internet but reading all the same. A friend (M) said to me a few weeks ago I should consider writing a book. I initially thought no but, I guess my life is quite unusual in some respects. If nothing else it will be therapeutic to write. I've looked in to it and, the first thing I need to do is map out my chapters. I guess if nothing else it will give me something to do, especially as the winter nights approach, we've had the longest day now you see so we're now on the down hill slope to winter. I'm not looking forward to that. Steve and I used to sit in and snuggle on the sofa in the winter. I guess this year I will need a throw or a blanket to snuggle in to.
The other positive thing today is that my olds have celebrated their wedding anniversary, I think it's 38 years, either way it's more years that I am old if that makes sense. 38 years eh! I was late with their card, I didn't forget I just remembered late. They didn't bother with cards though, they said they didn't feel like celebrating this year. I understand that but I know Steve would have got them a card and would want them to celebrate too as it's a decent milestone.
that was one of the things Steve liked about my family. He said on more than one occasion how he loved that special days and dates were made to feel special. I am sure he had a fuss made for his birthday as a child but he said as he got older it just became another day. That was until he met me, he loved birthdays, Christmas, anniversaries even valentines day because he knew I would usually get him something, sometimes something odd, sometimes useful but he just loved the surprises. He kept most of the cards I ever sent him. When I went in his bedside drawer after he had died I found a lot of cards from me to him there, he was very sentimental really, odd but some of those cards are years old but he had kept them close to hand.
I'm going to miss spoiling him this year at Christmas, I loved how his face lit up like a child's because he had no idea what he was getting. I guess I am glad thats one habit he didn't pick up from his Mum. She opens her presents straight away, regardless of how early they are. She will look at them and then close the package back up, Whats the point? Theres no surprise then. Steve loved surprises, I guess I do really but Steve had a special way with surprises.... need I say more than "Star"?!?!? (go back to my blog around mid June onwards if you have no idea).
Well it's time for bed now, I was good yesterday and got in bed a whole hour earlier than the night before, it was 2.30 am, I did meddle with the phone for a bit though and will probably find something to do tonight too but, at least I am in the right place.
Before I go, if you use twitter then follow me at: adifferentmark I guess then at least there is a "Chance" of a 2 way conversation.
Goodnight xxx
I got up this morning and pottered for a bit, I cleaned the car out, took it for a wash and then came back to polish it, stopping off en route for some cat food and the obligatory new air freshener for the car.
This evening I called round to see a friend and we went out for a drive. We weren't out long but I suppose it beats sitting around with a brew.
Tonight I have been sat here reading, reading stuff on the Internet but reading all the same. A friend (M) said to me a few weeks ago I should consider writing a book. I initially thought no but, I guess my life is quite unusual in some respects. If nothing else it will be therapeutic to write. I've looked in to it and, the first thing I need to do is map out my chapters. I guess if nothing else it will give me something to do, especially as the winter nights approach, we've had the longest day now you see so we're now on the down hill slope to winter. I'm not looking forward to that. Steve and I used to sit in and snuggle on the sofa in the winter. I guess this year I will need a throw or a blanket to snuggle in to.
The other positive thing today is that my olds have celebrated their wedding anniversary, I think it's 38 years, either way it's more years that I am old if that makes sense. 38 years eh! I was late with their card, I didn't forget I just remembered late. They didn't bother with cards though, they said they didn't feel like celebrating this year. I understand that but I know Steve would have got them a card and would want them to celebrate too as it's a decent milestone.
that was one of the things Steve liked about my family. He said on more than one occasion how he loved that special days and dates were made to feel special. I am sure he had a fuss made for his birthday as a child but he said as he got older it just became another day. That was until he met me, he loved birthdays, Christmas, anniversaries even valentines day because he knew I would usually get him something, sometimes something odd, sometimes useful but he just loved the surprises. He kept most of the cards I ever sent him. When I went in his bedside drawer after he had died I found a lot of cards from me to him there, he was very sentimental really, odd but some of those cards are years old but he had kept them close to hand.
I'm going to miss spoiling him this year at Christmas, I loved how his face lit up like a child's because he had no idea what he was getting. I guess I am glad thats one habit he didn't pick up from his Mum. She opens her presents straight away, regardless of how early they are. She will look at them and then close the package back up, Whats the point? Theres no surprise then. Steve loved surprises, I guess I do really but Steve had a special way with surprises.... need I say more than "Star"?!?!? (go back to my blog around mid June onwards if you have no idea).
Well it's time for bed now, I was good yesterday and got in bed a whole hour earlier than the night before, it was 2.30 am, I did meddle with the phone for a bit though and will probably find something to do tonight too but, at least I am in the right place.
Before I go, if you use twitter then follow me at: adifferentmark I guess then at least there is a "Chance" of a 2 way conversation.
Goodnight xxx
Thursday, 21 July 2011
Naked Boys Dancing and Free Chocolate
Today has certainly been a different day, in the main because I have been out for most of it I guess. For the past few weeks I have been in for the most part of most days, (or it certainly seems that way) but, today has been different.
I was up at a reasonable time this morning despite still being up till 3.30 am meddling. I am planning on going to bed quite soon so hopefully before 1.30 am today. I have not thought about whether I am still avoiding bed or if I have now just got into a routine of late nights and minimal sleep? I don't know but I guess I ought start to go to bed at a reasonable time sometime soon.
I had to go to Wigan today, there were a few reasons none of which need to be explored here but I did get to see a friend there too and have a good old natter. We are as bad as one another and can both talk for England but we just flow from one thing to another. Steve used to laugh at me, he could tell who I was speaking to just by hearing one side of the conversation but, I guess that is because he knew me so well.
After leaving the house around 2pm today I got home just before 9pm, that's unusual for me at the moment as I said, most of my time seems to be spent at home these days but, today has been a good day, I've not had a "Steve" focus to the day and it's not felt bad doing something for me. In fact this morning seemed OK too, I was thinking about putting a few things away. Just stuff which belongs to Steve which I have kept around since he passed away, old pictures, (in a box; but close to hand), some clothes and bit's and pieces really which were his. I think I am now mentally in a place where these can be put away. Out of sight, NOT out of mind but I suppose it means I can reduce the clutter around me, something Steve hated and tried to rid us of, (even though he was a hoarder, a gene he definitely got from his Mum).
I now have a sense of busy-ness, there seems to be a lot to do. By doing it I will keep my mind active but also perhaps just be able to move on mentally from under the big black cloud and make my way toward the end of the cloud and moving toward those nice fluffy white ones before I get to clear blue skies and sunshine.
Well not a lot more to report, like I said it's been a good day. Last Wednesday was a good day too, I had "things" to do on both days though so I doubt there is a Wednesday connection just a "being busy" connection. Hmmm, good job I have lots to occupy my time tomorrow, there's another estate agent comimg on Friday, this one seems to be a little more pro-active in finding punters. Lets see what he has to say but I reckon we'll be reducing the price and trying to get things jogging along pretty soon, our boat is calling...
Well goodnight again oh and sorry about the title, I just thought it looked a little more interesting than "A Good Day" but, if I were to ever have a day like that I can assure you I wont be writing my blog until both are long gone, well, you need to make the most of these things which reminds me.... theres chocolate in the cupboard which had a "best by" date on it of April some time... they tasted OK last week so should last a little longer.
Well TTFN,
Mark x
I was up at a reasonable time this morning despite still being up till 3.30 am meddling. I am planning on going to bed quite soon so hopefully before 1.30 am today. I have not thought about whether I am still avoiding bed or if I have now just got into a routine of late nights and minimal sleep? I don't know but I guess I ought start to go to bed at a reasonable time sometime soon.
I had to go to Wigan today, there were a few reasons none of which need to be explored here but I did get to see a friend there too and have a good old natter. We are as bad as one another and can both talk for England but we just flow from one thing to another. Steve used to laugh at me, he could tell who I was speaking to just by hearing one side of the conversation but, I guess that is because he knew me so well.
After leaving the house around 2pm today I got home just before 9pm, that's unusual for me at the moment as I said, most of my time seems to be spent at home these days but, today has been a good day, I've not had a "Steve" focus to the day and it's not felt bad doing something for me. In fact this morning seemed OK too, I was thinking about putting a few things away. Just stuff which belongs to Steve which I have kept around since he passed away, old pictures, (in a box; but close to hand), some clothes and bit's and pieces really which were his. I think I am now mentally in a place where these can be put away. Out of sight, NOT out of mind but I suppose it means I can reduce the clutter around me, something Steve hated and tried to rid us of, (even though he was a hoarder, a gene he definitely got from his Mum).
I now have a sense of busy-ness, there seems to be a lot to do. By doing it I will keep my mind active but also perhaps just be able to move on mentally from under the big black cloud and make my way toward the end of the cloud and moving toward those nice fluffy white ones before I get to clear blue skies and sunshine.
Well not a lot more to report, like I said it's been a good day. Last Wednesday was a good day too, I had "things" to do on both days though so I doubt there is a Wednesday connection just a "being busy" connection. Hmmm, good job I have lots to occupy my time tomorrow, there's another estate agent comimg on Friday, this one seems to be a little more pro-active in finding punters. Lets see what he has to say but I reckon we'll be reducing the price and trying to get things jogging along pretty soon, our boat is calling...
Well goodnight again oh and sorry about the title, I just thought it looked a little more interesting than "A Good Day" but, if I were to ever have a day like that I can assure you I wont be writing my blog until both are long gone, well, you need to make the most of these things which reminds me.... theres chocolate in the cupboard which had a "best by" date on it of April some time... they tasted OK last week so should last a little longer.
Well TTFN,
Mark x
Wednesday, 20 July 2011
A busy day of updating
Phew, that's all I can say! I have spent most all of today at the computer. My first mission today was to update Steve's website and get the interviews up there that he did for www.gaydio.co.uk a few months ago. I started on that train of thought when I updated the site after Steve died but I had techie problems and I needed to be in the right frame of mind to do it.
At the time I wasn't able to split the audio up but I got some help (thank you Tpot), and they have sat there on Steve's computer ever since, just waiting for me to do something with them so now I have and they are here http://troubleonline.co.uk/#/steves-thoughts/4553483178 if you want to listen to them.
Whilst you are at the site be sure to take a look around, I have added a few more pages including a piece on radiotherapy masks, it is something Steve wrote but I have just added pictures. It's odd seeing his writings, I can just hear his voice reading it to me in my head as I read his words, it's sort of comforting in a way.
I spoke to a few people on the phone today, there were a few things I remember thinking of as I was speaking which made me think, "Ooh that's what today's blog will be all about", of course I have forgot though.
I did read Steve's blog again today though, almost the full 9 months worth from diagnosis to his last entry. It made me smile but also made me think as there is a lot of 'back story' which fits behind or around his blog entries, I guess like me he was cautious about not wanting to hurt feelings, seem dramatic or cause upset, I could explain further and give examples but I wont. I have copied a few of his entries and made my comments on a new page I added today http://troubleonline.co.uk/#/more-thoughts/4553485583, I have only taken a few of his entries though, I guess just ones which seemed important to me.
The first is his first entry after his diagnosis and after his parents knew about his prognosis. The last is his last entry in his blog. He commented "I would have been ill at home anyway so might as well be happy and ill", it made me smile, it proves to me in his mind he had never and would never give up. That night he was quite excited as we sat and spoke to H about the protest march she had been on, "Slut Walk" seemed like fun and much more interesting that sitting in watching the soaps. He was also excited about www.Sheffieldpride.org.uk.
We sat like old men, in the corner of the bar, glasses of Coke, him because he more or less stopped drinking when he got his diagnosis and me because I was driving, (Steve reckoned his body had enough to deal with without adding alcohol to the mix). We put the world to rights and had a really nice night. I suppose that's where Steve and I were alike, yes the grand gestures, fancy restaurants and swanky hotels are nice but nothing beats good old comfort food, good company and a proper chin wag. I miss talking to him, of course I still do, in my mind and out loud too, the difference is I now look odd doing it and nobody is there to answer back or tell me how silly my new idea is.
Anyway, after doing Steve's site I have been working on his legacy this evening, it's at a frustrating stage now, I want it to leap forward so I can shout about it from the hills but I also know I need to hold back as there is a long way to go yet. I'm sorry I can't share it with you just yet but I'm not sorry that your first sniff of it will (hopefully) knock your socks off and make you proud that you knew the person that has inspired this piece of work. It's all very cryptic, I suppose here I should ask what you "think" it might be.....?
I suppose overall today has not been a bad day at all, again, doing stuff for Steve has made the day a positive one, what happens when I cant do that? I'm not thinking about that now, my mind is racing and I have thought of something else I need to investigate right now, he's given me plenty of food for thought you know. Someone told me, (or maybe they told Steve), "bags are for holidays not for eyes",(or something like that), well my eyes are ready to go on holiday I guess as they have been packed for weeks now, oh well, it will all add character to my face and, each one is packed with stories.
Until tomorrow.... Goodnight xxx
At the time I wasn't able to split the audio up but I got some help (thank you Tpot), and they have sat there on Steve's computer ever since, just waiting for me to do something with them so now I have and they are here http://troubleonline.co.uk/#/steves-thoughts/4553483178 if you want to listen to them.
Whilst you are at the site be sure to take a look around, I have added a few more pages including a piece on radiotherapy masks, it is something Steve wrote but I have just added pictures. It's odd seeing his writings, I can just hear his voice reading it to me in my head as I read his words, it's sort of comforting in a way.
I spoke to a few people on the phone today, there were a few things I remember thinking of as I was speaking which made me think, "Ooh that's what today's blog will be all about", of course I have forgot though.
I did read Steve's blog again today though, almost the full 9 months worth from diagnosis to his last entry. It made me smile but also made me think as there is a lot of 'back story' which fits behind or around his blog entries, I guess like me he was cautious about not wanting to hurt feelings, seem dramatic or cause upset, I could explain further and give examples but I wont. I have copied a few of his entries and made my comments on a new page I added today http://troubleonline.co.uk/#/more-thoughts/4553485583, I have only taken a few of his entries though, I guess just ones which seemed important to me.
The first is his first entry after his diagnosis and after his parents knew about his prognosis. The last is his last entry in his blog. He commented "I would have been ill at home anyway so might as well be happy and ill", it made me smile, it proves to me in his mind he had never and would never give up. That night he was quite excited as we sat and spoke to H about the protest march she had been on, "Slut Walk" seemed like fun and much more interesting that sitting in watching the soaps. He was also excited about www.Sheffieldpride.org.uk.
We sat like old men, in the corner of the bar, glasses of Coke, him because he more or less stopped drinking when he got his diagnosis and me because I was driving, (Steve reckoned his body had enough to deal with without adding alcohol to the mix). We put the world to rights and had a really nice night. I suppose that's where Steve and I were alike, yes the grand gestures, fancy restaurants and swanky hotels are nice but nothing beats good old comfort food, good company and a proper chin wag. I miss talking to him, of course I still do, in my mind and out loud too, the difference is I now look odd doing it and nobody is there to answer back or tell me how silly my new idea is.
Anyway, after doing Steve's site I have been working on his legacy this evening, it's at a frustrating stage now, I want it to leap forward so I can shout about it from the hills but I also know I need to hold back as there is a long way to go yet. I'm sorry I can't share it with you just yet but I'm not sorry that your first sniff of it will (hopefully) knock your socks off and make you proud that you knew the person that has inspired this piece of work. It's all very cryptic, I suppose here I should ask what you "think" it might be.....?
I suppose overall today has not been a bad day at all, again, doing stuff for Steve has made the day a positive one, what happens when I cant do that? I'm not thinking about that now, my mind is racing and I have thought of something else I need to investigate right now, he's given me plenty of food for thought you know. Someone told me, (or maybe they told Steve), "bags are for holidays not for eyes",(or something like that), well my eyes are ready to go on holiday I guess as they have been packed for weeks now, oh well, it will all add character to my face and, each one is packed with stories.
Until tomorrow.... Goodnight xxx
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