Wednesday, 20 July 2011

A busy day of updating

Phew, that's all I can say!  I have spent most all of today at the computer.  My first mission today was to update Steve's website and get the interviews up there that he did for a few months ago.  I started on that train of thought when I updated the site after Steve died but I had techie problems and I needed to be in the right frame of mind to do it.

At the time I wasn't able to split the audio up but I got some help (thank you Tpot), and they have sat there on Steve's computer ever since, just waiting for me to do something with them so now I have and they are here if you want to listen to them.

Whilst you are at the site be sure to take a look around, I have added a few more pages including a piece on radiotherapy masks, it is something Steve wrote but I have just added pictures.  It's odd seeing his writings, I can just hear his voice reading it to me in my head as I read his words, it's sort of comforting in a way.

I spoke to a few people on the phone today, there were a few things I remember thinking of as I was speaking which made me think, "Ooh that's what today's blog will be all about", of course I have forgot though.

I did read Steve's blog again today though, almost the full 9 months worth from diagnosis to his last entry.  It made me smile but also made me think as there is a lot of 'back story' which fits behind or around his blog entries, I guess like me he was cautious about not wanting to hurt feelings, seem dramatic or cause upset, I could explain further and give examples but I wont.  I have copied a few of his entries and made my comments on a new page I added today, I have only taken a few of his entries though, I guess just ones which seemed important to me.

The first is his first entry after his diagnosis and after his parents knew about his prognosis.  The last is his last entry in his blog.  He commented "I would have been ill at home anyway so might as well be happy and ill", it made me smile, it proves to me in his mind he had never and would never give up.  That night he was quite excited as we sat and spoke to H about the protest march she had been on, "Slut Walk" seemed like fun and much more interesting that sitting in watching the soaps.  He was also excited about

We sat like old men, in the corner of the bar, glasses of Coke, him because he more or less stopped drinking when he got his diagnosis and me because I was driving, (Steve reckoned his body had enough to deal with without adding alcohol to the mix).  We put the world to rights and had a really nice night.  I suppose that's where Steve and I were alike, yes the grand gestures, fancy restaurants and swanky hotels are nice but nothing beats good old comfort food, good company and a proper chin wag.  I miss talking to him, of course I still do, in my mind and out loud too, the difference is I now look odd doing it and nobody is there to answer back or tell me how silly my new idea is. 

Anyway, after doing Steve's site I have been working on his legacy this evening, it's at a frustrating stage now, I want it to leap forward so I can shout about it from the hills but I also know I need to hold back as there is a long way to go yet.  I'm sorry I can't share it with you just yet but I'm not sorry that your first sniff of it will (hopefully) knock your socks off and make you proud that you knew the person that has inspired this piece of work.  It's all very cryptic, I suppose here I should ask what you "think" it might be.....?

I suppose overall today has not been a bad day at all, again, doing stuff for Steve has made the day a positive one, what happens when I cant do that?  I'm not thinking about that now, my mind is racing and I have thought of something else I need to investigate right now, he's given me plenty of food for thought you know.  Someone told me, (or maybe they told Steve), "bags are for holidays not for eyes",(or something like that), well my eyes are ready to go on holiday I guess as they have been packed for weeks now, oh well, it will all add character to my face and, each one is packed with stories.

Until tomorrow.... Goodnight xxx


  1. Laughed out loud at the 'bags' comment - mine want to go for 2 weeks of pure luxurious pampering somewhere hot and sunny - lol :)

  2. *hugs* Thank you for sharing all of this. My husband Wash is also 'living' with GBM and there are many times I feel less alone- I think you've been there.

    Wishing you peace, love, and some bit of happiness each day from across the pond.