Last night as I said I went to bed early and as usual didn't sleep, I watched a film instead, P.S. I Love You which I had downloaded to my iPad. Well, I managed to get to 13 minutes before the tears came. they stayed till the end. I almost flooded my bed! I am not best placed to say whether it was a good, bad or indifferent film but it touched me. that's all I will say. If you have seen it you will understand,if not then reading the synopsis will probably explain.
Odd as it may seem I felt better for having my meltdown. I still miss Steve so much and sometimes I just want to be able to grieve for him not cover up my feelings to spare those of others. If one of my tears was enough to bring Steve back for just one second then I know last night alone would have seen him back for a hundred years or more.
Today has been an OK day. Work was brief this morning as I had a Doctors appointment. Nothing too sinister, (for now) just problems with my hands, a course of anti inflammatory though should help and if not I am to go back. On the plus side it seemed to be nothing major which warrants further investigation or tests... yet.
After that it was back to work. Another tough day, it's difficult to stay upbeat about it. I got a lot done though and managed to clear a lot of mail from my inbox so I was pleased with that as I am out of the office after tomorrow until Thursday next week.
Tonight I logged on to the PC as soon as I got in, I had a few things to sort but before I knew it I had a few phone calls with friends catching up, emails, text and facebook messages. All good stuff. I have a few calls to return though, messages on my phone from a few days ago have not been returned yet, I know I am failing miserably in the "keep in touch" department but I don't seem to have a minute lately but tonight, although busy, has been good and I have enjoyed it. I realise soon I need to start making a move to get out more and socialise. Soon though, not now.
Watching that film last night has reminded me of the need to get out and see people or just have people around. I do want that but sometimes I am just not very good company. I saw this a few days ago and I think it's spot on...
I have no idea why it is on it's side, I have amended it to be the right way up but it clearly didn't work so it's tilt your head time... sorry.
Another I saw which I also thought was spot on is this:
Again, it struck a chord with me. On a closing note though all I have to say is thanks again to all my friends for being there, your texts, messages, emails and cards etc which are still arriving are very much appreciated and if you are waiting a call or a visit from me please keep being as patient as you have, I have not forgot but I there is only one of me now to do all the keeping in touch we both used to do. I have not forgotten you and I know you're all out there.
xxx Love to you all xxx
M x
Love to you all
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