Saturday, 31 March 2012

Significant for the right reasons

Well I've debated this blog entry in my head for a few days now.  I could explain why but because my blog is reflective of my life and of those around me whom I care about it is difficult.

I would like to point out, or perhaps highlight for newer readers, that this blog started to form some 18 months ago as a way to communicate with friends over the progression of a terminal illness.  Since then it has become so much more and has been referred to by others as an inspiration, a comfort and a glimmer of hope.  John F. Kennedy once said, "We should not let our fears hold us back from pursuing our hopes".

That's where I am at right now I guess.  I am hopeful.  Hopeful of a future that is as bright and as sunny as these past few days.  There are many reasons for this renewed hope, including the weather, a change of attitude and a chance meeting at a business function recently.

I've pondered whether the chance meeting is a chance meeting or fate playing it's part.  There is little doubt that it is fate.  The circumstances and situations around us both are complex and, had this chance meeting happened just one month earlier then it may not have been significant but right now, attending that one business event has had a significant affect on my life.

I am trying not to be cryptic, it is simply that someone has come in to my life and reminded me what it is like to live, to smile and to be happy again.  I feel and hope the feeling is reciprocated and right now I  am enjoying this new phase of my life.

Is it a happy ending to a tale about a terminal illness or is it a new beginning.... hopefully it will be both.

As I mentioned though before, the situation is complex, there are real people and emotions on the peripheries who are or may be finding it difficult to adjust but, for me this isn't about moving on or forgetting Steve but respecting him and in a way thanking him for reminding me life is too short to be unhappy. 

A few months ago I could never have imagined being in this situation, with a chance to take a second bite of the happiness cherry but here I am on unfamiliar territory, a happy place.  I could go on but I wont, for now.

Aside from that snippet of info things are normal.  I say snippet but for me it is very important. For a start it features here, there's so much trivia I censor from my blog so yes, this is more than a fleeting fad.... I hope.

Work this week has been OK, a lot of meetings and quite a lot of stuff to sort through really but it has been OK.  My "reward" came today in the form of a networking lunch at the Midland Hotel a fancy hotel, and a fancy schmancy lunch too.  I really like it there and Steve always reminded me how it is where Mr Rolls met Mr Royce.  They've had loads of famous guests and to me it is the type of place you host a function where you are looking to impress people.  It's just lovely.  Apart from that though it is next door to Steve's old office,it was odd walking past there but it felt good too.  Good that it didn't "creep me out" or make me feel uneasy, it simply brought a warm smile and happy memories so again this re-assures me that life is getting better, so much so in fact I have to pinch myself sometimes to check if its real.  It is and I am!

Have a great weekend whatever you're up to xxx

Mark

11 comments:

  1. I am so happy for you that your heart is lifting out of your desperate grief, you are like Spring itself as your blogs seemed to show you lifting out of the darkness to face the sun. I hope your pain has carved your heart deeper so it can be filled with more Joy. Steve will always be there at the bottom of your heart and the reason you can Love more Lyndsey <3 x x x

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  2. Mark,
    Life is too short, grab every opportunity to be Happy.
    I know Steve will always be in your heart, but there is room for others.
    Love to you, Shirley xx

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  3. there are real people and emotions on the peripheries

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  4. Yes Anonymous that is why I am being sensitive as some people take longer to come to terms with things for many reasons, some because they find change difficult and others because they havent realised life is too short to be anything less than happy.

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  5. This makes ME smile to hear. I'm very happy that you have found some(thing/one) to help hold to.
    *hugs*
    Enjoy it. I wish nothing but the happiest for you dear. :)

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  6. Thanks T, there's a lot going on but I'm hopeful it will all work out.

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  7. Mark &amp; Tony1 April 2012 at 03:27

    I dont know why but something had changed, You see so much more positive and 'Happier' these days. We will always know just how much love that was there between you and Steve and I'm sure that Steve is looking down on you and smiling, pleased that huge hole he left is slowly being filled with a new life, knowing that he will never be forgotten. Love an happy thought as always M&T xx

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  8. This Miracle Of Love which you had with Steve---(i.e., as in this profoundly insightful excerpt, directly Below)---"lives eternally" ONLY when Survivor You, Mark, personally ............ *L.*I.*V.*E.*S.* ............ genuinely knowing that life is too short to be UNhappy!!:

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    "If there is anything that deserves to be called miraculous, is it not love? What other power, what other mysterious force is there which can invest life with such undeniable splendor?

    The miracle which everyone is permitted to experience sometime in his life; the miracle which demands no intervention, no intercession, no supreme exertion of will; the miracle which is open to the fool and the coward, as well as the hero and saint, is love. Born of an instant, it lives eternally."

    ~ Henry Miller, "Nexus" (Book Three of "The Rosy Crucifixion"), Paris: Obelisk Press, 1960.
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    As (Above) other Commenters are, I'm also cautiously/tentatively hopeful ............ (i.e., EVER-so-*h.o.p.e.f.u.l.*!!) ............ for you, Mark; and if I may, prayers and ~ (((*hugs*))) ~ to you, too!! -

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  9. Mark,

    Your optimism is really exciting, thank you for sharing your emotions. If you woud like to share your story within new book project, please contact forSMART publishing house by the following email: pol[at]forsmart.com Wish you lots of strength!

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