Tonight I don't think my fingers will type fast enough as there are so many things whizzing around in my head right now. Things flit in and flit out of my mind.
This week has been SO hectic again, meetings and a huge amount of email but I have been really happy and positive. After Sunday's "wobble".
Yesterday I had a lovely day though for lots of reasons. I was up early, a breakfast meeting at 7 at the Lowry and spotted some rowers on the Quays on the way back. It was a mild morning and it looed so serene as they just cut through the water silently.
Police & Crime Commissioner which will affect everyone, it was really interesting. Some real issues though which will need ironing our but still interesting and really quite exciting as theres potential for a lot of positive change.
From there I went to see some friends, they are going through a tough time at the moment, again as a result of Cancer. It's such a difficult position. In some respects I feel hardened to Cancer, losing Steve has "toughed me up" but I still wish I could take all the hurt away and stop the suffering, for the patient and family. Soap box away though, I can't work miracles.
Last night I ended up in deep conversation online, right through till well after 2 this morning and thats after being up at 5 ish yesterday morning. I was chatting to a friend, something I've not done for ages online, (via Twitter actually), I can't remember smiling so much in a while.
When we finally went offline I put my phone on charge and the music started up on my iPhone automatically. Odd really as I'd last been listening to Accuradio, (an app based station) on my phone. I don't know if you read my blog a few weeks ago about 'signs' or 'messages' (read it here if not) but the songs went like this, (and this isn't on any playlist etc). "Forever in blue jeans", (a song which has become associated with Steve, see here why) then "Marta", (a song from a musical about someone who is "over the wall", I've always thought this is because she'd died, listen here) then it was "It Takes Two" then "Make it Easy" finally it was "He Makes Me Laugh" from Phantom, Steve's favourite musical.
A completely random and eclectic mix and, I couldn't help but wonder if this was a message to me from Steve? On reading my blog re 'signs' or 'messages' again tonight I can see the last sort of coincidence like this came when I was happy too. Perhaps Steve is liking seeing me happy and is trying to tell me that he is happy for me too? Who knows? I don' but I like the thought that that's what it is. And yes, I am happy.
Today, I have just been in a super good mood. Spring is here and I feel like my life has started again. It's that old 9 month thing maybe which I debated months ago in a blog.... hmmm there is a lot to ponder there.
Anyway, tomorrow is going to be a good day too, I have work meetings but also hope to finish at a reasonable time as my 4pm appointment has been moved. Saturday sees the return of the wandering widower as H,(a different H to real ale H), and I are off to Scarborough. She was very disappointed to learn that a Priest's Hole may not feature in the day out but the promise of an ice cream should distract her, (I hope).
OOH I almost forgot too, I did have a lovely and exciting invitation today but, I don't know if I am allowed to tell you what it is yet but, I nearly let out a bit of wee! Sorry it's cryptic but it'll be worth the wait and it does go some way to explaining part of my sickeningly sweet smile!
Well goodnight folks, I've taken ages writing this as yes, I have been writing, reading, listening, tweeting and googling whilst trying to make sense so apologies if it doesn't make sense.
xx M xx