Today I've been to Edinburgh. In part it was my treat to myself for my birthday, it's somewhere Steve and I loved so would like to think he'd have arranged something similar.
I set off from home before 6 this morning and, (because of power failures at carstairs, didn't get to Edinburgh until 11am! I was supposed to be there at 9.20! Still I guess that's just the way it rolls sometimes.
My first item on the agenda was a trip up Scot monument, 297 steps up to the top of the tower all on a spiral staircase!
There were 3 or 4 'landings' on the way up which afforded photo opportunities but it was VERY narrow when it got to the top! Oh, did I mention too that I HATE heights, my knees wobble and I am just not comfortable with it. It this was something I did for Steve.
When we were together in Edinburgh last out friends ended up climbing the Monument, Steve wanted to too but, as we'd done a lot of walking already and he was about to start month 5 of his chemotherapy regime he was far too tired to do it. We said we'd do it next time we went when he was better. Today I did it for him, it was well and truly out of my comfort zone but I did it for Steve.
Following that I wandered up to the castle, it's sort of a ritual I guess, something we always did. On the way back down I called in at Steve's favourite chippy and had haggis and chips with salt n sauce, (it's a Scottish thing which Steve introduced me to).
After that I made my way to Jenners. It's a department store and again, Steve's favourite. He loved it there at Christmas, they have a large atrium so always have a huge real tree which is easily in excess of 50 ft. I bought a few small bits and then ventured out on to Princes Street.
The buzz of the city was lovely today, they have the European markets there much the same as they do in Manchester but in addition in Princes Park they have a small fairground with a big wheel, (not as tall as the Scott monument but standing an impressive 115ft (which is 35 metres, I'm not a geek but the info board mentioned it).
In addition to this there was a "fair trade" marquee and another selling ethically sourced goods. There were reindeer, a samba band, choirs, a ski slope and ice rink and a whole host of other things. I enjoyed the atmosphere and it did go some way to Making me feel Christmassy, that was until the brass band started.
As the band started I felt the mellow tones of the brass instruments envelop me and with it the grief came too. In that moment of good cheer and festive spirit I was consumed by the loss of my soulmate. I can't explain why or how this happened it just did. As tears rolled down my face I walked on and away from this magic crying music.
Until that moment I had been enjoying the trip down memory lane, the celebratory atmosphere and just the feeling I'd had of having made progress and being able to do something positive for myself but still with Steve in mind. I guess I'll just have to accept that this is how life will be from now on.
The journey home has been good, trains were on time and it only took a little over 3 hours to get back to Manchester. I'm off the train and on the tram now and should be home in 20 minutes or so.
I'm going to sign off for now, it's been another day of mixed emotions but, overall, I think it's been pretty positive.
Until next time,
Sent from my iPhone