Thursday, 8 December 2011

It gets harder

I know it's been a while since I've written but things have been tough but not sure why they would be more tough now than previously and I don't really think that it's due to Christmas although it may be.  

I think there is apprehension there but perhaps approaching Stevens anniversary too as it's almost 6 months since he died that's quite daunting. 

Since my last post there is not really a lot to write about although I have written my Christmas cards  I did that last week, they have not all been posted yet but that was very tough it was difficult just writing from Mark on the card instead of from Steve and Mark.

Sitting at my desk I was again overwhelmed by feelings of grief, as I said I just think its the realisation that there is just me now.  It was the same a few days before when I was wrapping presents and writing the tags, Steve helped choose some of them but many he didn't.

The general buzz around Christmas is difficult too.  Many people fussing over what to buy their loved one this year. I can't buy mine anything.  People are whizzing about trying to cram as much as possible in to their time before Christmas and worrying about what to buy, they forget that they are losing the best gift they could ever give a loved one, time.  

Time spent chatting, sitting or just watching the world go by is what memories are made of.  Who wants to be remembered for being busy all the time and not having a minute to spare?  It's good to be productive but not at the expense of precious time with family and friends. 

How many times have you prioritised work over your family or worse still, spent time with your family in person but not in mind as you are too drained from the pressures of work to be able to enjoy that time?

For that I am grateful to Steve.  We always had time for each other, yes we worked long hours but we knew out limits and we often opted out of our routine for a night of togetherness in front of a movie or an evening out.

These past few weeks have been difficult, I don't know when they will get better but I am confident they will.

I came home last night and after cooking I settled to watch a film.  I saw the first 10 minutes and the last 20 and fell asleep in between.  I missed a few phone calls, text and emails in that time though.  I must have needed the rest.

I am at a meeting this afternoon and it's due to start in 10 minutes but I was very early so have used the time to blog... I will write again soon I just don't know how soon xxxx

Bye for now,
M x

Sent from my iPhone

No comments:

Post a Comment