Another weekend over, just as well really. Even though I managed to keep myself busy today I am still pleased it's over. Last year I felt the same.
As you know this time last year Steve was in hospital. In part what annoyed Steve, apart from not feeling I'll, was being unable do do his normal things and missing out on living life to the fullest, something he did till the end.
This time last year we were due to go on an underground tour of Manchester. Steve had booked it early in the year and had been looking forward to it as it is a restricted area and the tours are quite infrequent and we were due to take two friends too
Over the course of the few days he spent in hospital Steve had been going stir crazy. He told us how he spent one night listening to the guy in the next bed calling out "lord have mercy on me...." and singing Onward Christian Soldiers and listening to another guy complain constantly about how rubbish the food was and how constipated he was. Steve said he felt more I'll being in than he had before.
Over these first few days though he had been reduced from 2 hourly observations, (blood pressure, temperature, pulse etc) to 4 hourly but his steroid dose was quite high.
By sheer charm and being a model patient Steve managed to negotiate a few hours out of hospital. Basically he had to wait Until after his afternoon obs were done and he could go out but had to be back before the evening obs at 10pm. Initially he had thought he could get out at lunchtime so I made a lovely lunch and a home made cheesecake, (it was not a great cheesecake.... I have not followed a BBC Good Food recipe since....).
I collected Steve though at the required time and brought him home. He wasn't hungry, well not for food anyway. We fulfilled our carnal desires instead, those past four days had been hellish so it was nice to have that closeness and intimacy back, even if only relatively briefly. We then tried the cheesecake before heading off to meet friends ready for the underground tour, Steve had waited months for this.
The tour was disappointing to say the least, we sort of wished we had stayed in bed. Parts of it were interesting though, parts of the tunnel were the former canal and some of it had been used as air raid shelters during the war, overall though it was not that interesting, especially when compared to the underground tours of Edinburgh which we had both enjoyed.
Steve got back to his ward in time for the evening rounds, the nurse was grateful he had upheld his side of the bargain, he was grateful for a few hours out and I was grateful for a few short hours snatched with my Husband. Gratitude in a relationship seems odd but, think of it as the opposite of taking someone for granted. Be grateful for what you have because you never know how long it will last.
Back to today. I have prepped around 60 listings for eBay later this week then photographed even more stuff to go on and spent a few hours being creative and sewing, that is until the needle snapped. I took that as a natural break in proceedings and decided to go and get some food.
This evening I have relaxed, half watching TV, part checking email and part day dreaming of browsing the Internet. I'm in bed now typing this.
It's odd but, since there has just been me in the bed I spread out as much as possible so as to make the bed feel smaller and no so empty.
Back to work tomorrow Which reminds me of a quote I was sent:
At work, where recovery from broken-heartedness is expected to progress according to a time sheet, life goes on. Yet, we will not feel better according to a timeline determined by others and we cannot just opt out of feeling lonely.
Of course, I think some people may forget this. I am back in the office therefore their lives have returned to normal. How very nice for them eh....