Here I am again sat at A&E at the hospital. Not for myself but this time with my Dad.
I received a call this morning just before 9am to let me know that my Dad had collapsed at work. His colleagues had tried to contact my Mum but were unable to get through so must have got my number from his mobile.
You can imagine my thoughts, not again, I really don't need the stress, neither does my Mum or anyone else in the family for that matter.
Steve's Mum and Uncle Mike were due to come and visit me today, I called to let her know my Dad has been rushed to hospital so that's been postponed. She will be down later in her own, hopefully we will know more then.
Right now I don't seem to be feeling anything, obviously worry and concern for my Dad but sort of numb too, I guess it is just too soon after Steve, I have pushed back the tears etc, not sure what I would be bawling about.
A friend tried to comfort me recently in how well I had been coping with Steve's death, her hubby says we don't get sent anything to deal with that we can't handle, now whether you believe it is God or Fate mapping our future is irrelevant, I just wonder why he or she thinks I CAN cope with all this.
How do I appeal the decision?
Sent from my iPhone
Exactly 3 weeks after Damian died I was coming home from town in the middle of the afternoon when some tosser decided to choose that exact moment to try and 'break-in' to my block of flats. In the 'scuffle' he threw me against a wall and on trying to get up I couldn't weight bear on my left leg. Ambulance and police were called, turned out he had broken my leg/ankle. Sitting in A&E wasn't too bad and I headed home after a few hours with a brand new plaster cast.
ReplyDelete3 days later I was rushed back to A&E in the middle of the night in excruciating pain. I was on my own and waited 6 hours to be seen. I didn't have the energy to fight to get seen sooner, it was all I could do just to stop myself bursting into tears - anything like this before and Damian would have been with me, he'd have been the one fighting my corner.
When they told me I had a blood clot it was at that moment that I thought this is it, I can't handle any more. The love of my life had a blood clot which travelled to his heart and took him from me just 1 month earlier and here I was with my very own clot, panicking and wanting the one person I knew would have got me through...
So many people have said to me since then exactly what you mentioned in your post, 'we don't get sent anything to deal with that we can't handle', the day I leave this world and get wherever I am going I will have just one question....who the hell decided I could handle any more than losing Damian...
Maybe I could have just posted 'I understand' here instead of the whole tale...sorry...
Thinking of you, your Dad, Mum and family. Hope the old boy is back on his feet again very soon xxx
I confess it's my husband (who lost his 1st wife) who says that. And without going into the details, he too has been sent a huge amount of additional 'stuff' that no 'normal' person ever has to deal with, to handle on top of the loss of his wife of 23 years.
ReplyDeleteYet he still says 'we don't get sent anything to deal with that we can't handle' and he really means it.
In my humble opinion you're all extra-ordinary people. Not only do you handle it, but you do so with amazing dignity. You all turn horrendous experiences into a positive force for good and by doing so you inspire we mere mortals onto better things.
We're privilaged to know you. xxx
I had a feeling it might be you ;-) I have been thinking about it since I posted and I suppose just by the fact that I am still here despite everything this past 6 years means I must be doing something right.
ReplyDeleteBut, at the time, when it felt like there was one thing after another being thrown at me in quick succession it was very hard to see how I would get through.
Mel, I think you guys, myself and Mark need to sit down with a bottle of wine (or maybe a box? ;-) ) and put the world to rights some time!
Love to you both, and to you Mark xxx
Wine sounds good and one bottle would never be enough :)
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