Wednesday, 6 July 2011

A Tiring Day

Well what a day yesterday was, sorry for the delay in posting, I really didn't feel up to it again last night but am forcing myself tonight.

As you may have seen from my post yesterday my Dad was rushed in to hospital yesterday morning.  To cut a long story short  I went across to be with him yesterday morning so spent a large amount of the day at the hospital, (the same one Steve died at).  We came home for a few hours late afternoon and then went back in the evening as they were planning to let him out.  We got out at 11.30pm! 

The upshot of it all is that they don't know what caused the collapse and they will do further investigations and will send him for tests.  I guess it's lucky he didn't pass out in the car on the motorway or at the top of a flight of stairs or something.  He's not concerned, he said he feels fine now.  I am not convinced, he would say that anyway just so people don't worry, he doesn't realise it makes them worry more.

I came home and went to bed, or at least I tried, I had stripped the bed in the morning and washed the quilt cover and had not had a chance to change it so had to fight with the duvet before getting in to bed :(  I still managed, by about 1 minute, to get in to bed before midnight, the first time in as long as I can remember.  I didn't sleep great though, I was awake early this morning.

Today has been a tiring day.  not because I have done a lot but I think I am just coming down with a cold or something similar.  My everything aches, I have a sore throat, nasal congestion and and my head is throbbing.  that sounds a little like Steve's symptoms on times, I know I am not as ill as he was though but I think an early night is in order.

I have spent a lot of today working on Steve's legacy, I have been trying to map what it will look like and more importantly what it will achieve, it's all interesting and enjoyable but I lost focus around lunchtime.  I got bogged down in reading technical stuff so had to change my plan. I wrote some more instead.

I keep trying to push myself to focus and concentrate more every day as I need to go back to work soon but I am struggling.  At home I can be grouchy, get upset and change my mind about doing something or not.  At work there is less flexibility and I really don't want to be grouchy with my colleagues or turn to a blubbering mess when the phone rings and distracts my silence or when I just cant think what I need to do next.  At home those don't matter, at work they do.

I feel I have so much to do but not enough time to do any of it, I guess in part it's because I am tired.  Yesterday didn't help, it brought back lots of things to me and it consumed the whole day, from 9am when I took the call to 11.30pm when we finally left the hospital.  Still, at least he is OK.

Not a lot of other news really, I spent a while on the phone today talking to a friend and then this evening to another friend, I have read the comments on my blog from yesterday too.  I guess it comes to us all, bad stuff I mean,  and what does seems to be evident from those and other emails and messages I have had is that bad things always happen to nice people, I have probably said this before but, maybe I need to not be so nice!

One nice thing though, to end on a positive, is that Steve's charity collection is now OVER TARGET!!!  this is FANTASTIC, obviously it would be great to get it even higher and I would desperately love that.  If you have donated already THANK YOU and especially to those who have donated MORE than once.  Remember every little helps, one beer less this month or one less take out coffee can make such a difference to the fund.  Remember, you won't be able to buy Steve a drink when you see him out so leave it here for him where it can do more good I know I keep harping on about it but I make no apologies, brain tumour charities are VERY under funded and need as much help as possible. Thank you for your help from the bottom of my heart xxx

On another positive, and my final thought for the evening is that the 13 year old boy I mentioned a few days ago is making slow progress but in the right direction, please join me in sending lots of love, hopes and positive vibes to H and her family.

Goodnight and take care, until next time xxx

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