Saturday, 18 June 2011


Well toight has been a tough one, I have done a little more work on Stephen's site,, the site now has a gallery of pictures and somewhere for people to post their condolences, tomorrow the funeral arrangements will be posted as will a few other bits and pieces.  The past 48 hours or so has been spent trying to co-ordinate a fantastic send off for Stephen. 

I've not managed this alone, I am so pleased to say I have the support of fantastic parents, all four of them.  We've laughed together now we cry together.  The support doesn't end there, there are countless friends and you have really been there for me and I truly thank you for this, your text, your hug or just your smile is often enough.  Calling on and conscripting some old friends who have known Stephen for many years has made the task ahead bearable, I am confident with their help we can make Stephen proud of his final performance and for that I am eternally grateful.

As for you Stephen well, I hold on to; and take comfort fom knowing I have thousands of happy memories with you and because of you. From our first date at Ikea to our marriage less than 18 months later, from holidays and "us" time through to travelling the UK with a suitcase of frocks and car full of kit but most recently our walk last Saturday along the banks of the canal where we chatted about the trips we would make along there in our narrowboat home working on our newest venture where instead of your first words of the morning being "I Love You" as usual, you instead told me about how we have to do "that", it was a good job I knew what you meant.

I miss you pud, the pain seems to double with each passing minute but I am trying not to cry for what I have lost but with joy for all the good times we shared. You're gone too soon from my side but I know you will be with me every day. I sense your warmth but long to see your beautiful blue eyes, your cheeky smile or feel your arms embrace me just one more time.

I still love you more with each passing hour and my heart will be broken until the curtain goes up on our encore and we meet again...

Mark x


  1. Dear Mark,

    My heart aches for you and all you have lost, but, I am so glad you are calling on happier memories and the support of loved ones and friends which will be what gets you through all this.

    I keep trying to find the 'right' words to explain how much I truly understand what you are going through but as yet I haven't found them. Hopefully you already know what I mean.

    I wish neither of us knew the pain that losing a soulmate brings, but, I am so glad we had them in our lives. I wouldn't be the person I am today without the love I shared with Damian, and I know you feel the same about your Stephen.

    Thinking of you all.
    Your BT Buddy,

    Natalya xx

  2. I know its different but when my Dad died, suddenly, just over 6 years ago me and the 'family' had a laugh about the stupid, lovely things he used to do.

    That got us through the days leading up to the final send off.

    When that happened, me and my brother had a laugh at the song choice at the crematorium, FFS 'When I'm Sixty-Four' the words just got to us!!!!

    Whatever happens in the future and whatever path you take, 'Enid' AKA Stephen will always be there looking over your shoulder and saying
    'those shoes don’t go with that outfit your wearing’

    Much love from Tony (one third of the boys in Bargoed)