Friday, 31 December 2010

Family Lies

Today was a good day to start with, I woke up OK I managed to get a little
more sleep last night although it could be better. Marks snoring and tossing
and turning don't help as he's not sleeping well either, but also the green
tea I am drinking is also causing me to go to the toilet several times in
the night (this is one of the good properties as it clears out your body)
but not at 4am unfortunately it comes from China, so it obviously runs on a
different time zone.

After I had done my work for the office we went out to buy some essentials,
it's a normal week now so the house has to go on and I have a mountain of
washing to do and no washing powder to do it with. So off to Makro we went.
Anyway long story short we ended up buying the most random basket of stuff
and a new mattress, which was a much needed purchase.

Anyway if your following my blog you will know we were looking for a pocket
sprung memory foam topped non roll together mattress, we have actually ended
up with a full memory foam mattress, and it's now got pride of place on our

Now this will only apply to anyone that has ever bought a full memory foam
mattress but they come in small boxes and don't look like they will ever fit
your bed, the box does also say that once opened they cannot be repackaged,
you see why when you open the plastic on the thin ring of foam in the box,
the thing just grows and grows and before you know it, something the size of
a small padded blanket turns into a full mattress.

Will give a verdict on how it sleeps tomorrow, but have had a lay down on it
and it all feels ok.

This evening I got a phone call from mu mum to say there was a problem, this
didn't sound too good and I steadied myself for the next bit of the
conversation. My mum had said that my granny had found out that I had
Cancer. We haven't told my granny any of my medical treatment other than the
fact that I had an operation on my head because I was having migraines, and
I showed her the scar that was left, but never mentioned anything about
cancer. At 87 we felt as a family it would be too much of a shock for her to
handle so we played down that side and simply said I was under treatment for
the operation. Anyway after yesterdays visit and her seeing me with a bald
head she has put 2 and 2 together and rightly got 4.

Sadly she has already lost one son Stephen (who died in the October 1978 and
I was born in the April of 1979, I was then looked after by my granny from
an early age so I have always had a special bond as she has been my second
mother) she also lost a daughter on NYE last year, both people died of
cancer so especially this week it's going to be playing on her mind. The one
bad thing is, she has only ever seen the negative side effects of cancer and
its treatment, for example my Uncle Stephen had Chemo but intravenously and
obviously on a stronger dose and it made him very ill and lost all his hair
as it can do, this my gran saw and is now transferring that image to me.

Anyway, Mark and my mum went to see my gran this evening to explain the
whole story, and both Mark and myself were adamant that she should now know
the full story other than the final prognosis, as ultimately that's not nice
for anyone to know and I don't intend to fit within those statistics

My granny now feels so much better that she actually knows the full story
and that she is not left in the dark about me. I will call her in the
morning and see how she is and hopefully she will have had a better night's
sleep. When I start my Chemo again next week I will ensure that I go and
show her the chemo tablets that I am on so that she can see that it doesn't
make me ill like it did my Uncle Stephen and that I can carry on as normal,
at least then it's one less thing for her to worry about, which makes me
feel better too.

The one thing I have learned out of all this is I can't protect other people
around me all of the time, and that something this small has upset quite a
few people and given me more stress than I need, so going forward if there
is something to be said about my illness or anything in general it's going
to get said, if it upsets a couple of people then that's the way its going
to be. I wouldn't intentionally upset people by my actions or comments, but
I can't handle the added stress that the backlash can cause

As for the rest f the family, its also going to be a lot easier for them, as
everyone knows the same story and nobody has to mind what they are saying in
front of Granny, at least if someone asks a question, the correct answer can
be given and not worry who overhears it.

Anyway am going to go and try out the new mattress as I'm really tired.

Until New Years Eve


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