Tuesday, 17 April 2012

Not giving up.... Not now, not ever!

Well it hasn't been that long since I wrote last but seeing as I have time right now I thought I'd get a few words jotted down.  Today I am at a business event, there are over 3,000 visitors expected over two days but, I have to say today has been very disappointing in terms of quantity of visitors but what it has lacked in quantity I would like to think we have made up for in terms of quality as I have had quite a lot of decent conversations today.

I am not going to dwell too much on work and that really is as positive as I can be.  I have learned a lot today though.

On a different note Jonathan came over to the exhibition centre and that really made my afternoon, finally someone I REALLY wanted to speak to and someone who I wanted to smile with not have to smile at if that makes sense?

It's been a really long day so far and it is only 17.30, this event is due to finish around 19.00 and then I'm back tomorrow.

I've been thinking today though how much I have really changed in the past few months.  I noticed after chatting to a guy today that he had been very nice and seemed very interested in what I had to say.  The level of interest he showed was almost the same a Jonathan when I met him but clearly the difference was I wasn't interested in him and, I don't think he was interested in me as a person but more as a representative of the organisation I work for.

We discussed a few weeks ago, Jonathan and I, how our sub conscious is able to pick up on "vibes" that our conscious mind misses and that is why we felt fate has brought us together as the spark was just there from that very first hello.... I wanted to talk to him but, I didn't know this until he turned to me and introduced himself.  Then I realised he was warm, friendly and handsome too.  I wanted to know more about him and, I am pleased he was happy to talk too, even though at that point we could never know what the fates had in store for us.  

The reason I think I may have changed though is that in general I am connecting with people in a different way, I am certainly sensing different "vibes" and I like it.  I guess having a difficult life experience has truly changed me so not only do I believe life is too short to be unhappy, but perhaps I am projecting that too and therefore people want to be close to me and enjoy the positivity I try to draw around myself?  Yes I still get down days but, I see hope in things around us.

I see hope in the leaves budding on the trees, hope that tomorrow those bright green leaves will unfurl and unleash the first days of summer.  I see hope in the clouds in the sky, hope that tomorrow or the day after may be a sunny day with  a bright blue sky.  I see hope in myself too, hope that after such a difficult time I can use my experiences to help others and show them that the future  may look difficult but it will be worth it.

That really; I suppose is the point of my blog today, I took a long time to get there and I didn't know where it was heading when I started out but hope.  If I can leave you with anything at all I would like it to be hope.  I know many people are facing difficult times, some facing days and weeks ahead much like I experienced after Steve's passing but, now I am here and things are 'happening' I can see I am experiencing those brighter days I had hoped for.  Don't give up hope.

Bye for now,
Mark x

Sent from my iPad

1 comment:

  1. Oh, Mark, this post is just *so* extraordinarily insightful!! Those of us who have had very, very difficult life experiences HAVE indeed been changed; and it's up to us, as agonizingly-painful as it might be, to "grab the bull by the horns," so to speak; and never give up on *H.*O.*P.E.*............ (realistically knowing that, through-the-years, there WILL BE "highs and lows," i.e., which might *temporarily* make us think about totally givin' up, though)!!

    This is a little poem, directly Below, from a book----("A Book of Wishes for You," by Eve Merriam, copyright 1985)----given to me by my dear younger sister for Christmas, 1987, which PERFECTLY says how I feel. (And which also~~now that I think of it~~might actually make a lovely surprise gift for a *special* someone, using, say, this h.a.n.d.w.r.i.t.t.e.n. poem in a wax-sealed envelope............ with a small array of interesting dried branches, sprayed the recipient's *favorite* color, arranged in a complementary piece of pottery/glassware/porcelain, WITH a miniature enameled-and-bejeweled bird; (or with a realistic little "mushroom bird")............ lovingly attached TO a *single* branch!!):

    I wish for
    a talking mynah bird
    with silky plumage
    and an iridescent beak

    to perch
    on a tree
    your bedroom

    and every morning
    when you awaken
    there is the
    magical bird on the bough

    speaking the one word
    the only word it knows
    the one word it has been
    trained to say
    especially for you

    and you hear the bird speaking
    that one word
    over and over
    and sweetly over

    the word is