As I sit here now at the side of the canal alone I don't feel lonely. There is something strangely comforting and calming about being here, the wind in the trees the birds song and not a lot else.
Being alone is not a bad thing right now, it has been lovely to have lots of people around but it is nice to have quiet time too.
It feels like I have escaped, I took Natalya to the train station then drove to the canal and have so far walked over an hour from where I was. A hour or so to walk back means there might be a phonecall soon to check on me.
I can't explain how I feel, I don't understand it I do know at the moment though I am struggling to be sociable for any period of time, it's a mask I can put on for a while but it slips. Stephen was my world and he's gone.
I keep reminding myself he won't be back, am I punishing myself or helping it become real, I don't know.