Monday, 14 November 2011

Time flies.....

It's been a few days.  Not bad for me eh.  It's just struck me tonight that my Grandfather died 25 years ago.  I can't say I remember him like it was yesterday but I do have clear memories of him.  I miss him too, I remember his funny ways, family members reading will know what I mean.   I got on to that train of thought by thinking about my Nan who had to deal with Christmas just 6 weeks after her husband died, I have it looming just 6 months after Steve died and it is daunting to say the least.  Part of me is excited about Christmas  but part of me is dreading it.  I want to be busy cooking on Christmas day but also want to be able to stay in bed hiding from the world all day if I want to.  I don't know how I will manage with it yet. Today has been an ok sort of day.  Work was horrible, after a team meeting this morning my manager commented how quiet I was about the newest announcement.  I explained it by stating how my priorities in life have changed. Some things are not important to me any more and after over two years of trying to get my point across I have given up I guess.  That I guess is because of the new life lessons I learned after Steve died. I did receive a call at work today though from an agent who used to book Steve and I on a regular basis.  Steve would talk to him a few times a week about bookings even after his diagnosis Steve used to book acts for him.  Basically he was asking if I would be going back on stage.  He said a lot of complimentary things which was nice and to hear his refer to Steve and I in such pleasant terms was nice, not least because in a way it is nice to know Steve is still missed and that the "show is circle" is feeling our loss too.  Maybe it's wrong of me but it is comforting to know my loss is shared with others too outside of the family circle. Not a lot of other news to share.  I called to visit friends tonight, as usual one half of the couple was at work.  All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.  Steve and I learned that lesson the hard way.  You're a long time dead and do you want to be remembered for all the missed opportunities and lonely nights waiting for work to end or for the way in which, despite a demanding job, you managed to make time for friends' family and loved ones? I'm a fine one to talk, I saw some friends on Sunday I have not seen for a very long time.  I have been bad at staying in touch with friends for a long while but, I keep referring back to the saying:- Friends are like stars, you don't have to see them to know they are there. With that in mind I am going to bed, take a look / have a listen, this is the song for where I am "at" right now. Nite nite readers,  xxxMxxx

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