A HUGE update

Here goes. I’ve not written for a few days so you’re in for a HUGE update.


Monday was a fairly good day. Well, sort of. You may recall I’d had a call on Saturday from Christies Hospital to go and collect Steve’s belongings which were there. I combined this with a trip to Steve’s work to drop off his computer which was brought here when he started “Working from home”. The work visit was first and was OK; I only saw Steve’s boss and we chatted a little. He’s a nice guy and Steve got on very well with him and liked him not only as a person but as a boss too.

The Christies visit was less pleasant. I had to go in to the critical care unit where Steve had been treated just before he was transferred to Hope Hospital. The nurse offered her condolence etc and I recognised her from when I was there last. I collected his bag of stuff. On the way out I bumped into the Doctor who had seen Steve on his last Chemo run, we chatted for a while but, she also said how completely shocked she had been about Steve’s passing, ESPECIALLY since she had seen him on 1st June and he died just 2 weeks later on 15th June. It was nice to talk but she understood when I told her I hope to not see her again in a ‘medical’ capacity.

After that I needed some air and a change of thought so I picked up a friend and we went to Heaton Park for a walk. I went a few weeks ago and ended up having to come home when my battery run out on the camera. This time my battery lasted a little longer but I had not charged them so I ran out of power again but I didn’t stress about it. We ended up sitting alongside the duck pond for a while chatting, it was nice to have a proper chat.

After that I drove him home and then called in at home before A friend arrived from Scotland to stay for a few days. It was nice to see here and to be able to chat. It wasn’t purely social, she had business to attend to here but all the same it was nice to catch up. We ended up talking till way too late but, it was good to do. I ended up though going to collect her from Knutsford as that’s where she had been left, it’s a long story.

Tuesday was OK, I took T to look for a scooter, and we found a really decent one quite locally. It will give her more independence, freedom and the ability to be out of the house for longer periods of time, hopefully free of pain. After that we called home again before heading off to see another friend about a different project. It all seems a bit hush hush but we’re trying not to tempt fate by bleating on about it, fingers crossed.

Tuesday evening Steve’s Mum visited as usual and again T and I spent way too long talking till far too late but again, it was good.

Yesterday was an odd day. We got up late because we’d gone to bed late. After T finally ;-) got dressed we went out. We had to call in to the bank first then went for a drive to Marple to the canal and spent a few hours watching the narrow boats navigating between locks 12 to 16. It looked like hard work for them. It made me think how realistic it is going to be for me to live on a narrow boat and cruise the network alone. The lock needs to be opened, and then the boat driven (?) in to the lock, the lock gate closed behind then wait for the lock to fill before opening the next gate, driving the boat out of the lock and then closing the lock gate behind you and then on to the next.... multiply that process by 16 and you can see how tiring and time consuming it is all likely to be, bearing in mind each lock takes about 20 minutes when at least 2 people are operating it.

I don’t want it to alter my decision but it certainly is a leveller. There’s a lot to consider. Knowing me though I am so stubborn, (like Steve) that I will probably just do it but curse the aches and pains (and exercise) involved!

After that T and I went to the Trafford Centre for dinner, we had a Thai meal and it was lovely and we then went to watch the last Harry Potter film. I guess it was significant for us both as she had read Harry Potter to her Fiancée as he lay critically ill. For me, I hadn’t thought about it before but, Steve and I have been to see every film together. I had read the books but Steve hadn’t. I refused to tell him the ending of each part though so, I realised last night Steve never knew the ending to the story. A journey Steve and I had begun together, watching a series of films, and he never got to the end.

I spent a lot of the film with tears running down my face. The 3D glasses were a good disguise. The tears flowed regardless of what was happening in the film, the film didn’t make me cry. Stephen wasn’t seeing it with me and that is what upset me.

I enjoyed the film but I had never considered going to the cinema to see a 12 rated film could be SO traumatic and make me cry almost the whole way through it.

On the way home T and I spoke about loads of stuff but the subject of music came up. She explained how she associates pieces of music with people and places. I asked what mine was. She said it is a piece for Steve and me and invited me to guess. Show tunes or Pop Music were nowhere near so I gave up and asked what song, she told me, Neil Diamond. I immediately thought or “America” or “Love on the rocks” and was puzzled. She told me it was “Forever in blue jeans”. It hit me.

I started crying straight away, the first verse says it all and I remembered straight away the time and place and events and why that song had become significant to us. I re-posted Steve’s blog last night with the song.

The first verse reads:

Money Talks

But it don't sing and dance

And it don't walk

As long as I can have you here with me

I'd much rather be

Forever in blue jeans

Forever in Blue Jeans

I told Stephen it was relevant to us, sod the drag, sod the stage lights and the glitz and glam and fun and sequins, wigs, shoes, parties, laughter and travelling, I just wanted him. I STILL only want him but, I know it will never be, not in this life at least.

I’m not going to write much about today, it’s been a Shitty day so far, hopefully I can turn it around but for now I think I have written enough.

Until next time xxx Mark xxx

and so to bed...

Almost. I was going to head off then remembered I didn;t do a blog yesterday and haven't done one today so I guess I ought to write.

I'll start with yesterday.  Not a bad day really, I got up early and took the old car back to the garage, I wasn't sad to see it go at all, like I said before it signified Cancer to Steve and, since he had said that it did to me too.  We only had a big car in case he needed to fit a wheelchair or scooter in etc.  Anyway, enough of that, it's gone and, whilst it was a good car etc I had no complaints of it at all I am still not sad to see it go.

When I got home the postman had been and brought the decal I had ordered for the new car on Thursday evening, a pretty rapid response I reckon so I was very happy.

I loaded the car with a few bits for the charity shop, the eBay stuff which needed to be posted, yep, I am still plodding on with Steve's eBay empire although a lot slower than I was before but I am sure I will find the motivation soon once other things have fallen in to place also.

Once all sorted off I went, I took the camera as I wanted to picture the car on grass, I think cars look nice with a grassy backdrop but, the parks I chose had events on and, long story short I didn't get to find a grassy area so I went for an 'urban' look instead, the pics are below:

I did of course take a picture of the decal too, I had decided to give the car a name on Thursday evening and seeing as the car has so much attitude I decided it could only have one name..... what do you think?

It made me smile and I think it is appropriate too and I am sure Steve would also.  After this I came home and started working on filling out a few forms.  I'd received a text from G telling me he'd be picking me up at 7.30 to go for dinner and drinks at theirs.  I didn't argue.  It's so much easier when someone else makes decisions, normally I'd not like or let people make decisions for me nut at the moment i am sort of going with the flow where possible.  Now you know why I didn't blog.  I was collected at 7.30 and didn;t leave their house until 3am, I walked home and got home about 3.40 ish, off to bed then for a snooze with no blog, sorry!

Today has been another busy day.  Up this morning and finishing off my forms.  When those were done I sorted the spare room, the eBay room, T is coming tomorrow for a few days so I needed to at least make it so she can get to the bed. 

After that I finished a scrapbook I had in mind for Steve's Granny, it had lots of pictures in but not only of Steve but his stage alter ego too.  Granny loved the cabaret stuff, we performed for the residents at her wardened flats a a few times in the communal lounge.  they all loved it and she was always really proud to be stood there, all 4ft something of her next to Steve's 7ft something, (complete with high heels and wig), and introducing her Grandson to her friends, the fact he was wearing a sequin gown and a huge amount of bling never bothered her.

Once that was done I got showered and set off for Granny's place.  It was nice to see her, she was really pleased with the scrapbook and she could tell which numbers Steve was performing from the costumes.  I was pleased she liked it so much.

I was going to call in on Steve's Uncle on the way back but, judging by the cars on the drive he had company so I thought it best not to call in unannounced.  I'll go and see him soon but I didn't want to interrupt.

This evening I have been busy sorting paperwork again, I had a long conversation with J after he finished work around 11.30pm and then just finished the last few bits before I though of heading to bed..... until I remembered to do this of course.

All in all it's not been a bad weekend, I have managed to go now 5 whole days which have all been pretty good.  I'm not counting chickens before they are hatched but I hope to see more good days coming around the corner.

Not sure if tomorrow will be a good day though.  i received a call on Saturday from Christies Hospital where Steve was admitted initially.  The critical care unit have been in touch to say they have a bag of Steve's possessions there which need to be collected.  It will be his washbag and pyjamas etc but the thought of going back to 'that' hospital and 'that' ward where we received SO much bad news in such a short space of time is very daunting.

I also have Steve's computer here which his works brought in for him to work from home, I think I will take that back tomorrow too.  They are only little things I guess but they are still significant markers on the route to finding a new normal.  I'm not going to worry about it for now, it's bed time and I have nice clean crisp sheets to get in to.... mmmm I love that feeling.

Goodnight and see you tomorrow.
Mark