Me Me Me, Busy Busy Busy and Chrimbo is coming...

Phew, I can't believe it's been a week but at the same time I have done SOOO much i can't believe it is only a week.

Firstly and most importantly, I have re-read Steve's blog from this week last year, it's made me smile, just hearing his voice in his blog really is comforting.  It wasn't a great time for him but theres no self pity.  Amazing really.  Despite his terminal diagnosis he never whinged.  Thats something the "friend" who has been trying to cause me stress this week would do well to remember. A few people know to whom I am referring and those that don't really don't need to worry.  Just join me in smiling when you think of how Stephen never stopped smiling and never lost his sense of humour.

Since last week I have been SO busy.  It's good I guess.  On Friday a friend came to visit, it was great to see him.  He seems quite well although I was a little concerned for him healthwise but I'm sure he is adult enough to take care of himself.  We didn't get to chat for long but hopefully we can meet up for dinner or coffee soon.  We have never been "high maintenance" friends, we just catch up as and when we can and it's great.  He was also my "wingman" after Steve died whilst I arranged the funeral etc, in part my level head.  Something Steve had always been.  I will always be grateful for that.

On Saturday I was up early, I went for a walk along the canal for a few hours with the camera and really enjoyed the fresh air,the photos and seeing how different life is on the canal on a Saturday morning, SO much different to being in the city centre.  It was real ME time and I enjoyed it.

Afterwards I did some shopping then ended up in for the evening with friends andthe X Factor.  Whilst watching, chatting and drinking wine I also spent time being creative and making bracelets

On Sunday I spent the morning busy online then late morning and early afternoon busy cooking.  I made some beautiful carrot soup with roast peppers and onions, it was lovely.  I also busied myself making a roast dinner too.  All very nice even if I do say so myself.  In the afternoon I popped in to Manchester to collect another friend from the train station who was staying for a few days, strangely i managed to get lost near the train station.... I was avoiding parking charges by driving around the block but took a few wrong turnings.   It turned out OK in the end though.

On Monday T and I had to go to Liverpool and that turned out good too.  We also called in to lay flowers at the grave of another member of our Brain Tumour community.  It was sad. I felt Steve with us a lot on Monday, on the way to Liverpool the John Miles song, "Music was my first love" came on the radio.  It was a song played at Steves funeral.  On the way to the cemetary the Take That song "eight letters" came on the radio, the song mentions, eight letters, three words, one meaning..... Steve and I always used to say 831 and the response was always 8312.... think about it, eight letters, three words one meaning.... I LOVE YOU.  The first time I heard the song it took me by surprise and made me tearful, not so much now but it does make me mindful of him.  Our 831 came long before the Take That song.

On Tuesday I got up at a reasonable time and decided to fit the "shiny bits" I have bought for my car.  Stainless steel grilles for the lower openings in the front bumper, a stainless steel 'rotary accent' for the front of the car, chromed side vents, fender strakes and colour coded repeater lights for the side of the car.  Quite a list really.

It meant I had to remove the front bumper of the car, lots of nuts and bolts etc.  Ihere was much concern from my facebook family. A gay doing mechanical type stuff.  A drag queen getting their hands dirty?  Yep, I really didn't conform to type.

The bumper had to be removed along with fog lights etc

there were quite a few bits to add and remove and lots of screws to remember the location of

but with grilles, and accent added I replaced the bumper

and added chrome vents and coded fender strakes to the wing.

I guess now I should "fess up" that I am actually a time served mechanical engineer.  A four year apprenticeship with the ministry of defence and time spent "in industry" come in handy occasionally.  Not the sort of background you expect for a gay and certainly not for a drag queen.

So, if we add in the other things I have worked on this week..... last night I decided to "trim" the heart decorations I have ready for my christmas tree this year.  You will recall I have stuck toa hearts theme but am adding in some tartan.  this was last nights activity.  I've done about 3 dozen so far and have almost as many more to do.

I am enjoying being creative, both for my own Christmas and for others.  Last year Steve and I decided to make some handmade christmas gifts, some were lucky enough to get them.  Early this year Steve decided he wanted to make gifts again this year, not all gifts but just some and really so that the gifts were truly personal, created and given with that specific person in mind.  I am of course planning on fulfilling his wishes but, with just me on the production line the pressure is on to meet the deadline.  Pah, sleep is for losers anyway!

On top of all that some of you may recall Steve and I visited some friends in Norfolk in February this year.  Whilst there Steve bought some wool he liked.  He had seen some sweaters he liked and, instead of him buying one, his Mum said she'd like to knit one for him, he just needed to provided the wool and pattern.  It's surprising how costly it is to go retro and home made but he liked the idea of having something unique.

Long story short, as you guessed, he didn't get his sweater, (who needs a sweater in the summer?  Remember he passed in June).  Now I am on a mission to make sure the wool he chose is being put to good use.  With my plan to fulfil his dream and go and live aboard a narrowboat I anticipate the evenings can or will be chilly.  The wool will be used to knit a throw for the sofa or bed when I am on the boat.  There's no better time to start than the present so, afteran hour of knitting, tonight I can say I have made a start.

So, if I re-cap on the "crafty projects" I have ongoing at the moment I have, sewing, knitting, jewellery making, photography, customising chrimbo decs, re-upholstering chairs, upcycling my favourite items of Steve's clothing, website creation & development and "pimping my ride" to name but a few which add on to the usual things we do such as working, cooking, eating, shopping, socialising, reading, relaxing oh and occasionally sleeping and visiting family and friends. 

I don't like to think of myself as a "jack of all trades" as I don't like the second line of that saying but I do like to think of myself as living life to the fullest because I really think I would struggle to fit much more in to my life.  I hope Steve is pleased, he inspires me to continue despite any other issues I may have to deal with emotianally, physically or mentally. I now feel I have two lives to live.  His and mine.  I miss him dearly but thinking of him and having those little reminders of him at the most unexpected times really do lift my spirits and make me smile.

Thanks you Steve and thanks to you too for reading xxx

Mark xxx

Sporadic updates...

I'm not going to bother apologising; sporadic blogs seem to just be the “norm” at the moment.

Since I wrote last there has been a real mix of feelings, thoughts, emotions and all those other external factors that shape them.

On Thursday I had to go to the Doctors, this time for some jabs, not sure what for, I don’t recall but, I had a reminder from Steve’s diary that they were needed and the docs knew what I needed so that’s all good. Apparently whatever it was I had is now not needed for 20 years, so I suppose it was worth doing.

When I got back from the docs I tried to find something to busy myself, my mind wasn’t in the right place for work so I didn’t log on, I am listening more to myself now and I am getting good at spotting my stress triggers, well, some of them.Instead I got creative and painted a chair, I actually did three.

One is Gold and I have done another two in a rose gold colour, they look ok painted but, here is the pic of “before”...

(sorry I can't find how to rotate it, but you get the idea...)

I didn’t do much else on Thursday. It was good to get busy being creative though, it required very little thought and made me focus on something positive.

On Friday I got up and took a trip out to the warehouse, I just needed a few things for my next creative splurge. When I got back I continued to work on the chair I had started on Friday. It was again a great distraction as I had been feeling a little flat.

I was pleased with the finished look though and have now decided that it will become my new chair for my home office, why shouldn’t it look a little bling? Below is the picture of the “after”,

as I said I was pleased with it and am not really bothered if anyone else likes it. I guess that is a benefit of being “single”, I can do what I want when I want how I want and have nobody else to please but, I know for sure Steve would love the chair too. It’s in our bedroom until I get rid of the current chair I have at my desk.

On Friday evening I got creative making bits of jewellery, just another thing I am enjoying at the moment. Again, it is pure distraction therapy; I got so engrossed in it I was up until after 3am meddling with that.

Yesterday was another odd day. Weekends seem to be, (and since Steve died have always been), very difficult and the hardest parts of the week. I feel more lonely at weekends, even when I am with other people I feel lonely as I just keep feeling like something is missing. I know it is not something, it is someone, but either way that missing feeling is impossible to shake at weekends.

I ventured out in the morning to the fabric shop for inspiration to cover the two rose gold chairs. I saw some nice Chinese fabric but it was not the colour I wanted, it was very nice though.

After spending hours looking at fabric I decided that nothing was right and that I will use the black velvet I already have and I will embroider some design on there to make it different. I will post pictures of those when they are done too.

Last night, after watching the start of Freak Factor, (otherwise known as X Factor), I decided to sort the large spare room. There has been quite a lot of stuff in there until recently which is all making its way to new owners via eBay. I decided I would sort it ready for N coming later this week.

Aside from it being necessary it was a better use of time than sitting in front of freak factor and losing a whole evening.

After that I came to my desk to write my blog. I failed, I got to two paragraphs and I kept yawning so much my eyes were streaming so I gave up and went to bed, (where I promptly spent over an hour on the iPad looking at stuff I have no use for on the internet.

This morning was a lazy one, just spent in front of the computer. A friend called around for a coffee and a chat and now he’s gone I have decided to update you on where I’m at. Whilst doing this I have been inspired to go and finish sorting the spare room too so, that’s where I’m heading.

Till next time,
Mark