Office Move

Well today has been a change for me, as I have been in the office. We have
moved offices so I went in to ensure that my desk was put right and I had
all my files etc.

I managed to get loads cleared too which was good as normally Monday is a
busy day but as I work from home it normally takes a lot longer.

I'm still struggling to shake the neck and head aches but I'm at the
Hospital on Wednesday so will mention it to them then.

The eBay sales are going well and I have been to the post office twice today
already and have more parcels to go tomorrow first thing.

Yesterdays mood has now lifted too, which is good as I couldn't live like
that all the time.

I have had quite a few positive comments about the radio interview, I will
hopefully be uploading it to my Facebook in the next few days s those that
missed it can listen t it.

Anyway will sign off and update tomorrow.

Steve x

Out of it

Today has been an odd day, I have felt disjointed from everything and
everyone.

There has been no particular reason, just little things have added up to me
being on my own.

I'm really tired this evening but I just don't want to sleep, my mind is
racing with lots of nothing.

Mark has said something this evening about planning something for June, but
he said he doesn't want to do it as we don't know what the outcome from my
final chemo treatment will be, this has brought it home slightly how soon my
decisions are being made. I don't want to put my life on hold for a
decision that I have no control over, but there is a certain element of
reality in the situation.

I think I need to look at my plans for the next few months and start writing
them down, but I don't want to put my life on hold though.

Anyway I'm not in the mood for blogging today so will sign off and update
tomorrow, hopefully I will be in a much better mood.

Stev

Marks Behind the Mask blurb that accompanies his mask

Behind the mask...

It seems obvious but, behind every mask there is a person. Every person has
their own story to tell but this story is interwoven with the stories of
their families and friends.

When a family member or friend learns of the diagnosis there are many other
questions and worries at the forefront of their mind which seem to obscure
their view of the person behind the mask.

The individual feels like life is spinning out of control as they become
another patient, another victim and another statistic. Decisions and
choices are removed as their new regime is dictated by hospitals, doctors
and treatment along with those well wishing relatives insisting, "you must
rest", "You should do that" or "We have to do this"

Behind this mask is a glimpse of a life that has now been changed forever.
It tells of the love between two individuals, united by a civil partnership,
their love of the stage and the art of traditional drag cabaret. With a
loving and supportive family around them and an act which wowed audiences
all over the UK.

Life looked rosy and the future looked fun and exciting. Or, at least it
did until September 29th 2010 when Steve was diagnosed with a Glioblastoma
Multiforme.

Knowing the name of the tumour meant very little at the time and learning
the correct pronunciation seemed pointless once we were told the average
life expectancy of someone with this diagnosis is 12 to 18 months with less
than 20% reaching 2 years and less than 5% reaching 5 years post diagnosis.
There are no statistics for survivors who make it past 5 years; the numbers
are too few to be considered relevant.

Life has changed forever, two performers who will never perform again, two
families wondering if they will ever be able to laugh again and two lovers
grasping at the time they have, like watching sand run through your fingers
not knowing when it will stop.

As the partner of a Brain Tumour victim I am powerless to stop this
merry-go-round. I am on it too but very few people see me as I wave on my
way around. I don't like this ride, it makes me feel sick, but I don't want
the music to stop...

Mark Faccenda

Blackpool

Well were finally back home, and what an amazing day we have had, not just
one show but two.

This afternoon we watched Soap - A story of seven baths. It was a mix of
contemporary dance, baths, semi naked boys and girls, comedy, opera,
acrobatics and lots of water. Very random but very good.

We then went for dinner - Traditional Blackpool feyer, Fish and Chips

It was then time to wander shortly and have a drink before moving onto the
Grand theatre in time for The Crack.

The Crack is a traditional variety show with a little bit of a twist. The
acts were all a little bit random, but I can honestly say I haven't laughed
that much for a number of months, and laughter really is a good cure. I
completely forgot about my sore neck, as now my sides and face ache with
laughing so much.

The tickets were for Geoff's birthday but the four of us enjoyed it
immensely, was nice to be out for the day with them too.

All this and I was on the radio this morning too. The radio interview I
recorded earlier in the month for Gaydio was played this morning. I have had
many comments through the day of people that were listening and all has been
positive.

All in all its been a good day, and was something I think I needed just to
blow the cobwebs away, the radio interview got things off my chest too.

They say that laughter is a real treatment - and I'm prescribing laughter
for you all, I won't even charge you a prescription fee. Go out and laugh at
something till you hurt, till your face aches, till you cry - just don't wet
yourself as that's only funny for everyone else. You will feel so much
better for it.

Steve x

Bizarre

Well I feel compelled to update quickly. I have just seen the most odd show ever. Soap. In the globe theatre in Blackpool. Look it up on youtube. All I can say is its odd buy strongly captivating. Anyway dinner will be here shortly so will sign off and update later.

Steve
Sent via the Trouble BlackBerry®

All Change

Well today has been a good day, although am tired now.

Have been in the office for the last day as we are being moved over the
weekend to a new floor, so I am going to possibly change my day in the
office to Monday so that I can sort my desk out, that and its hospital week
so have loads to fit in next week too.

Our masks have now been done and sent off, so they can go into the
exhibition.

We have both been working on the new product range for our eBay store, and
we can't wait to let you guys know what it is.

Our eBay shop is doing well and we have loads more of our costumes to be
listed over the next few weeks. The link to the store is
http://shop.ebay.co.uk/justtheone4u/m.html?_trksid=p4340.l2562 we have loads
more to come, including a full range of PA equipment and stage lighting,
wigs, shoes and a whole lot more.

I'm on the radio tomorrow morning with the interview I recorded last week,
you can tune in tomorrow from 9am and it will be on at some point on Gaydio
http://gaydio.co.uk/ if you manage to miss it, I will have a version of it
that I will put on my Facebook so you can listen at a later date.

Tomorrow is another long day as were off to Blackpool to watch not only one
show but two, it's their version of the Edinburgh |fringe festival and the
shows were watching are all a little off the wall so will see, will probably
update from the car on the way back.

With the mask we have had t send a bit of a blurb and what they mean to us,
my mask was simply covered in sequins and feather, simple, but I wanted you
to still be able to see the mask. My inspiration came from the song I am
what I am - the line is I love each feather and each spangle.

The blurb u have sent is enclosed below:

Behind the Mask - My Story

My mask is simple and comes from a line in a well known song "I love each
feather and each spangle" The song is of course 'I am what I am' from La
Cage Aux Folles.

My life changed dramatically in September 2010 when I was diagnosed with a
Glioblastoma Multiforme Grade 4 Brain Tumour. My life as a performer had to
be put away and I had to focus on the person underneath, or behind the mask
literally.

I have lived for so long with a mask on as my alter ego that its odd living
without it, replacing this with a radiotherapy mask for my treatment wasn't
quite what I expected.

My mask to me embodies who I was before September, but also who I still am,
I'm still me, I'm still here and I'm still full of the sparkle and feathers
that I once used to wear.

The illness has made me make decisions though and hasn't all been negative,
it's made me make some really positive changes, I'm now known more as myself
rather than my alter ego and the business of performance has changed into
another sideline, which still allows us to be involved in the whole showbiz
circle as it where.

The person behind the mask, be it a radiotherapy mask or personal mask like
I had with Miss Whiplash, my drag alter ego is important, and very often
gets forgotten. The illness, the treatment, the prognosis all the other
areas of hospital etc get in the way, and mask the person, even though these
are most likely to be the most life changing things that will happen in your
life.

The mask is only an aid to the next step. The person behind the mask, is the
next step.

Steve Faccenda - GBM Sufferer, Life survivor.

Anyway am off to bed will update tomorrow.

Steve

Office

Well today has been a really positive day for me, as have been out and about
and even made it into the office for a couple of hours, which was nice to
catch up with all the staff. Even though my day in the office is scheduled
to be tomorrow, It will be a busy day as we are moving office so will need
to pack up my desk and sort all the VAT invoices out.

I enjoyed being in the office today as I have been slowly working all week,
and being in the office allows me to clear out all the stuff that doesn't
get done because its so slow.

Its alos nice to catch up with all the staff too.

This evening we have again been working on the eBay store and adding more
products, we put stock up on a Thursday and it finishes the following
Sunday. We've been buying new stock too that will be going on the site in
the next few days, and I know a few people that will definitely be buying
them, as they products are right up their street.

Headache managed to hold off today for quite a while, weather this is
because they are just decreasing or I just didn't notice it I don't know,
but it did kreep on by about 4pm, but I had finished work by then so wasn't
a massive problem.

The dressing room is slowly becoming less of a dressing room and more of a
store, the items in there - our items, are slowly turning into stock items
as they are washed and photographed and then placed in the appropriate part
of the dressing room. There is a system in there not that you can tell, you
just have to trust us, we know what it is.....

One thing that was pointed out to me today was that I'm a Ginger-ist.... all
because I said I was glad that my hair wasn't growing back Ginger. I have
nothing against ginger people, I just don't want a ginger band around my
head... Sorry to all you redheads out there....

I'm going to sign off now as I need to add the finishing touches to my Mask
so that it can be posted on Saturday morning.

Till tomorrow

Steve

Tired

Today has been a long day, but for no apparent reason.

I did my usual work for the office, which admittedly was slow and I think
this is the reason.

I didn't go to BASIC as I was tired so I stayed home and worked on my
Radiotherapy Mask. Mark has finished his now and its ready to go. Hopefully
mine will be ready tomorrow, there's a lot of glue on it, It's taken its
inspiration from the song I am what I am, "I love each feather and each
spangle" so you can imagine what it's like, full of sequins at the moment
and will have feather added tomorrow.

Me and Mark are busy on our new business plans and have some exciting new
products lined up, its amazing that were not performing any more were
devoting our time to this new venture. Its something I can actually do even
if I don't feel so well but whilst I am well I can put energy into it.

I'm still having the neck aches but they are still decreasing lightly. I
will mention it to the Oncologist when I go next week though, although they
have said already that because of all the things happening in my head with
the radio and the chemo I should expect some issues. I haven't had many
other issues so its not really that bad.

Anyway it's been a long day and am off to bed to think of more ideas.

Steve x

Hair today

I've noticed one thing today, and that's how much my hair is growing back,
its thicker on the right than it is on the left. Which is to be expected
really as I was zapped on the left for my Treatment so would have been
stronger there. The only problem is, it makes my head look dirty as its
slightly darker.

Oh well at least its growing back and it's not ginger.

This afternoon it's been another visit to the post office, I'm now a on
first name basis with the post office guy so it's odd. I'm working on
reducing out post fees though as were spending more and more as we send out
more and more products. Another task for me to look into.

This evening Mark has been working on his Radiotherapy mask ready for the
Exhibition, I have started to think about it, but I just can't get an idea
of what to do... will think about it tomorrow and hope that my visit to
BASIC will give me some ideas. These need to be sent off first thing
Saturday morning at the latest, ideally they should go Friday.

Today has been another day of work for me, my PC has been working against me
by running really slow, it makes me tired just sitting round doing nothing
whilst I wait for it to catch up, that and the work coming in is now picking
up as the season kicks in. I'm aware though that I can't do to much as it's
not good for me, and I will ultimately end up doing nothing as I recuperate,
so I have to just accept that what I do get done is what gets done.

My mum came down this evening and has taken away the wool we bought in
Norfolk so she can start knitting my jumpers.

Will watch shameless this evening then its off to bed for an early night, I
still have a sore neck but it does appear to be getting better though.

Will sign off now and update tomorrow

Steve x

Back with a bump

Well today has been another one of those days, I have tried to work from
home again, but have really struggled, its that age old, first day back from
holiday problem.

Hundreds of emails to deal with and no energy to deal with them.

I managed to get loads done once IT had sorted out my computer - that always
happens when I have a few days off....

Anyway I managed to get lots done, and have had a few ideas too.

I did have to finish at 3.30pm though as I was really tired and I was
falling asleep, so best to not push myself.

This evening we popped to Nick and Geoff's, and then home for dinner.
Whilst Mark cooked I dealt with the admin from our eBay sales and then
started diamante of our new cushion.

Were working on a new range of products for the website that will be
revealed in the next couple of weeks, but let's just say Trouble have gone
"Green" and it actually feels good to produce a product that is green...
details will follow.

We have also changed the name of our eBay shop to Justtheone4u too, there
will be a whole range of products on there in the next few weeks as well as
on the Facebook group too. All in all a busy couple of weeks for the both of
us organising it all and sorting the shop out. This week eBay next week the
world.

I have had neck ache again today, I think it's because I have slept in a
number of beds over the last few days, the pain goes with a few Ibuprofen so
not major but will keep an eye on it and let the Oncologyst know if its
still around when I next visit the doctor next month.

Anyway got things to do before I head off to bed, so will sign off and will
update tomorrow.

Steve

End of the week update

Well were back home and back into the thick of normal life again.

It also that we now have phone and broadband all the time, lucky really as
our eBay auctions finished at 5pm today and eve had a few more sales.

So this evening it was simply unpack our bags from the week, stick the first
load of washing in and then pack some of the items ready for postage
tomorrow.

It will be an early night tonight as the 4 hour drive has taken its toll on
the both of us.

It's nice to be away but nice to be home too.

Was lovely staying on the barge for the first few days, and I never expected
it to be so relaxing, but it was, so if you ever get a chance then give it a
go, although you do have issues with swaying wherever you go for a couple of
days afterwards....

Norwich is an odd little city but loads to do, and we both really enjoyed
going round all the shops we wouldn't normally, Charity shops, craft shops,
arty shops etc, and we have come back with a car full of goodies that will
keep us occupied over the next couple of months...

From there w moved over to other friends who were the perfect hosts too
(everyone has been lovely) but she's as mad as a box of mad frogs, and is a
real tonic, so was good to stay with them, even though in the evening all we
did was stay in and chat, again it was relaxing and just pure time out....
just what we both needed.

In-between we met up with Marks sister which was nice as she comes up to us
regular and we never get down to see here so all in all it was a fun filled
relaxed yet hectic week.

Back to normal life tomorrow though so will sign off and will update again
tomorrow.

Steve x

Third Stage

Well I have been writing this for the last hour as I haven't had a signal on
my mobile phone so were at my sisters where I can get a signal so have
decided to write this whilst I can for yesterday.

Yesterday was another stock buying day, we have travelled round all of
Norwich looking for more tartan, I think we have now bought most of the
Tartan in Norwich.

We also visited the Cathedral which is a beautiful building if you ever get
chance to go. From the cathedral we then headed to Great Yarmouth to see
what was there, and there wasn't much to be fair but we did get a couple
more pieces of Tartan.....

We then headed back to the Barge to say hello to Jacqui again, and upload
all the new listings on eBay ready for this weekend's rush.

Leaving Jacqui's we headed over to Jayne and Rays where we will be staying
for the next few days, the funny thing is again it's on the River Yare, but
the start of the river, so our whole week away is surrounding the river.

Jayne had made dinner already for us so that was nice.

After a couple of hours of conversation it was time for us all to head off
to bed. This is the fun part. The room we were in is in the top of the house
(it's not really a loft) and they have a really odd staircase to get up
there, you can only go up and come down in a certain way, there is a left
paddle a right paddle and such, so you have to think about it. You do it
once you have done it a few times, but you do have to think about it.

Jayne and Ray had left for work this morning when we got up so we had tea
and toast and we made our way to Michelle and Dave's for our day out. We
ended up going to a craft village and have bought some more bits for the
crafting and had a look around the rest but we didn't get anything else.

From there we set off to Wroxham Barns, which was another arty crafty place
but we decided to not go there and ended up in Dereham where again we
ended up looking round more Charity shops and QD where I have bought some
more wool for my mum to knit me a jumper from the retro patterns we have
bought.

From there we met Jayne and we all headed back to Michelle and Dave's house
where we had Tea and cakes, nom nom nom. This evening is a mystery as to
what we're doing, I will have to update later when we get another signal. I
know I have to do the fire when I get in as its been put to me to do.....

The whole being out of the loop with internet and mobile signal is
brilliant, nobody can contact us, and it's so peaceful and quiet. I may even
start switching off my mobile when I get back to Manchester for a couple of
hours a day, or even just one day a week I could go back to basics and if
you need to contact me then you have to do it otherwise, - if it's an
emergency there is always the house phone.

Anyway am being antisocial and need to sign off.

Will update later if I can.

Steve x

Back on dry land

Well we returned to dry land this morning after we packed all our stuff and we Pumped the Bilge....

From the boat we came to Norwich or as its pronounced round here Norch. We parked the car and did a little bit of shopping before we headed off to the castle. The caste was built by Barrett Homes - or that's what it looks like anyway. It was interesting though.

From there we did some more shopping and then lunch.

After lunch again it was more shopping and then checking into the hotel.

This evening we went off to the cinema to watch Gnomeo and Juliet. Really funny, go see it if you get a chance.

This evening we have just relaxed in the room ready for another full day tomorrow.

Will update tomorrow.

Steve
Sent via the Trouble BlackBerry®

Cromer and Wroxham

Well today has been a visiting day as we have been all over.

We started in Wroxham which is on the broads and very much like a seaside
town. We enjoyed a nice Fish and Chips meal in a cafe overlooking one of the
Marinas which was nice. Mark then got a chance to use his camera on the
local wildlife.

We did some shopping in Roy's - we then went across the road to another
shop, which was Roys, the shop next door was Roy's too, the one down the
street was the same, even the MacDonald's was in Roy's. Apparentky Roy owns
the majority of Wroxham....

As it was only a small shop and after the purchase of a few small items we
headed off to Great Yarmouth, however on the way there we got sidetracked
and ended up in Cromer instead.

Again Cromer is a small seaside town - with real sea and pier, and because
its only February the majority of it was closed, so we wandered round the
town, and picked up a few items in the charity shops for ideas weve had and
something for dinner.

We drove back via a number of small craft places. One of which was a mixed
store, it sold allsorts so we thought we would pop in, we were confronted by
the most comical man ever, he told us because the lady upstirs in the craft
department didn't get enough customers she had gone off to get married, but
he could offer us a piano, piano or keyboard lessons or tropical fish, and
was insistent that we had at least one of the options, this all from a big
warehouse type building in the middle of nowhere.... Sharp exit me thinks.

Anyway Back to the barge and light the fire and get ready for a quiet night
in, no laptops this evening just pure relaxation ready for our onward
journey tomorrow.

Till then

Steve

Parcels

Today has been a good day, as updated from earlier, we got all Jacqui's post
out the lovely man came from the post office to collect them and allowed us
to leave the office.

Back to the barge we have had another issue with connecting to the internet
so we had to call the service provider and now were connected so I can write
my blog on my laptop as opposed to on my Blackberry which is really hard.

Mark is still uploading more items of stock to be listed on Thursday, this
week's sale will end on Sunday, just as we get back from our Norfolk trip.
So Sunday night will be a busy night for me packing all the products ready
to go out Monday morning.

Right will sign off as I think its about time to relax and stoke up the wood
burner ready for the night ahead.

Till tomorrow

Steve x

Life on the ocean waves.....

Well were half were through day one of the break. We arrived in Norfolk at about 4pm and were immediately escorted to the barge we were to call home for the next few days. Summer Lady is a 60ft 1975 built traditional style narrow boat.

Its moored on the river Yare with loads of wildlife to watch. Its so relaxing the slow rock of the boat and the fact there is no noise is brilliant.

We have spent the day with Jacqui at her shop where she sells handbags on eBay so we have been picking her brains as she has sold over 20000 handbags so far so she's doing something right.

This evening will be just relaxing aboard and possibly an early night.

As for my health haven't really had much of a headache or neck ache today. Perhaps the relaxed lifestyle is helping.

Will update later.

Steve
Sent via the Trouble BlackBerry®

Away

Well we've done it. We managed to get out of the house, and we were only 34 minutes behind schedule. Which for us is brilliant.

I realised earlier that I haven't updated all weekend so here goes with a big update.

Friday I was in the office and managed to get loads done, I actually felt part of the team again. After work I went for coffee with my friend Dr Jon which was good as we just watched the world go by and had a good catch up.

Mark picked me up in town and we went shopping for dinner. Marks good at his mixed grills. From there we just veged in front of the tv watching DVD's and I did more on our diamante throw - which is slowly getting there...

Saturday we were up and dressed pretty early. I did the post run for the last of our weekly sales. Everyone should have their purchases by monday hopefully.

Saturday afternoon was spent photographing more stock which will be uploaded on Thursday - see even when were away were working.... I even have a box of tights in the car ready for this weeks sales....

Last night we did our packing and ironing ready for today, nothing like being organised. It was then veg on the sofa and more diamante and Mark with his ebay pictures.

This morning we were up full cooked breakfast and load the car. Were now whizzing down the motorway on our way.

Don't worry about the cats and the in-laws We've left them loads of food and they are house trained - the cats just please themselves :-)

We just decided whilst listening to Michael Balls Sunday Brunch show that Neil Diamonds Forever in Blue Jeans is our new song because he would rather have me and have to wear blue jeans than not to have me and have sequins.... Soppy sod. But it is really relevant to us.

Anyway will sign off and update later.

Steve x
Sent via the Trouble BlackBerry®

Clear the air

Well today has been one of those days again, I haven't done much and I feel
the benefit of it already, I'm even going to be in bed for 8.30 so that am
all fresh for tomorrow.

Today my mum has been down and we've had a good chat about a number of
things that were on my mind.

Hopefully now after the other conversations we've had this week things will
be much better. The one problem that existed is everyone had gone in
separate directions with the same idea and it had all gone wrong.

Communication is the key me thinks, perhaps this could be chapter two in my
"book of how to be ill"

I'm in the office tomorrow again which I will enjoy then a friend is meeting
me in town who I haven't seen for a while.

I already feel a lot more relaxed - and next week away in Norfolk will
increase this relaxed state even more.

Mark has also uploaded a load more stock to the eBay store so that will run
whilst were away.

Will update tomorrow after work.

Steve

Quickie

Just a quick one before I go to bed.

Today has been a long day, and I am noticing the Chemo kicking in. Today was
the last day though so I should start to feel better now, at least I wont
have stomach ache any more this week.

Off to bed, I may even knock my alarm back an hour or so so I get a little
extra.

Will update in the morning on how I slept, although saleep doesnt appear to
be an issue at the moment, I shut my eyes an off I go.

Steve x

Thought Provoking

Someone has just sent me an email with a really nice comment in, that I
thought I would share with you, I suppose it applies to anyone in my
situation, its small things like this thought that really do make me keep
going through the day. I don't feel special doing what I do every day, to me
its just living, others see it as special.

You're such a fighter! So strong and motivated! People like you are the
ones we admire, you show us how

not to give up, how not to put yourself down, how to get up and get on
because others are far worse off than us.

Thank you xxxxx

Will update later

Steve