STAR!

Well that’s it, it seems like Stephen is already having a laugh at my expense, that’s not meant in a bad way but in a nice and reassuring, happy to have him around sort of way.

Some of you may recall that a few years ago Stephen got in to the habit of buying the most random presents. One was a Lordship, not the proper type but the type where I am officially Lord of a patch of oil rig somewhere another such gift was a star. A lovely gift really but, at the time I teased him, a star?!?! Why a star?!? He said it was because I was his star and lit up his world, it made me smile.
How could he buy a star? The don’t belong to anyone. Also, I couldn’t see it touch it or feel it, if it had come with a telescope then fair enough but with the light pollution in Manchester it was unlikely I would ever see it.
We laughed about it for a long time after in fact he ribbed me about it just a few weeks ago and this was a gift from a few years back. It was very much appreciated and the sentiment was lovely, he knew I liked sparkly things and what’s more sparkly than a star? We have chatted about this story a few times since stephen passed away and have had a titter about it every time, Stephen and his odd ways.

Those happy memories have come flooding back to me today. I received a letter, it had come from Stephens work so I assumed this may be some documents from HR or something they found in or on his desk etc.

It wasn’t, far from it, when I opened the envelope I immediately saw what it was..... A STAR!!!

His colleagues have bought a Star in Stephens honour, it is called Enid Whiplash and it has been registered as such from 15th June, the day he passed away. The star is in the Taurus Constellation, Stephen’s birth sign. It is just perfect and I am now resolute about getting a telescope and seeing Stephens star and mine. This is something we had planned to do on the boat as there is less light pollution in the countryside and I shall still do this.

For those of you that already have a telescope the star is:

HD22614

Taurus Constellation

Registered name:- Enid Whiplash

Registration date – 15th June 2011

RA: 3h 39m 06.7s

De: +24* 42’ 11”

I will cherish Stephen’s star, I can’t help but think he has influenced his colleagues decision to buy a star just to have a laugh at my expression when I opened the envelope and realised I now have a second reason to buy a telescope. I have already sent my thanks to Stephens colleagues and explained it has made me smile and brought back these happy memories.

Thank you and Stephen, you got me this time.

FUMING!!!

Well this is my second entry for today, there seemsto be so much going on at the moment that it's necessary PLUS I am fuming! 

Firstly after my entry earlier I had to phone DWP to advise of Stephen passing away, something to do with pensions etc even though he wont be claiming it I guess it means nobody could claim it in his name, I dont understand it and don't  need to really. 

After explaining to the woman I was phoning to notify her of my partners death, (although I suspect she knew that because of all the coices I had made, "press 1 to report a death" etc anyway, her first question, was, "was She claiming any pensions?"  She?!?!? I was very quick to correct her... HE!!! Why the assumption, in this modern age surely people in public sector have been on training courses etc all paid for out of our taxes to teach them how to address people they may speak to, I am sure they have dropped the term "christian name" from their standard forms and now ask first name and last name, this was in recognition of our multi ethnic society so when we live in a multi-sexuality society is it necessary for me to be madeto feel uncomfortable about my partner being a HE not a SHE?

As I mentioned earlier I have sorted Steve's ebay and thought I would drop them at the post office and, as the post office is near the bank I thought I would bite the bullet and go and speak to the bank.  The bank was empty, just two clerks on the desk chatting.  I walked up and explained, "My partner has passed away, I need to speak to someone about sorting our account" the usual condolences were offered then I mentioned how I needed to cancel his Direct Debits, well (stupid cow) then turned to me and said "oh we need two signatures to cancel a DD" Hmmmm I saw Red!  "Really?  And how do you propose we do that when I have just told you that ny partner is dead!?!?" She of course apologised and said she would go and get someone to speak to me.  I waited a few minutes until shecalled me to come to the counter (evidently the walk over was too far...) She told me the people in the back are waiting to answer the phones so cant come out and I have to go back at another time....there were two of then sat at the counter doing nothing, there was nobody in the branch, (which incidentally looked a mess) and the precinct was dead too so no excuse for such a blatant apathy.  RBS - BIG FAT FAIL.... Letter of complaint going off ASAP!  I should have known from the scraped back hair, tattooed eyebrows and orange face that customer service was less important than looking pretty and getting the correct amount of pout.

Reporting a loved ones death is bad enough anyway without having to live it over time and time again explaining to the authorities or dealing with other obstacles which get placed in the way.  From here I went to a different branch.  Different branch different story and thank you Kaye for that, for her I will be sending a letter of praise as too few people say thank you.  Such a shame, same bank different branches and completely opposite responses

Oh and I am sure there is a rant in there about how we all own RBS anyway because of the government bail out etc, such a shame, two large organisations today with little or no compassion.... What a lovely society we live in!

The wheels keep turning...

It's a sad realisation but although Steve was the centre of my world he was not the centre of everyones.  the wheels of industry keep turning.  This is a point I (and Steve when he was here) tried to make to a good friend who feels a strong sense of responsibility to work, sometimes to the detriment of his loves ones.  When you are not here life will go on, Steve knew this and, even though he seemed to always be busy working away, (I never really saw what he did) his work will have still got done on Wednesday last week, the day he died, and on Thursday and on Friday etc.  this is not a criticism of his employers because they were great but just an observation that not one of us is that critical to an organisation that our not being there will bring the company to it's knees.

On the flip side though Steve still had a load of stuff listed on ebay.  he had a mammoth week last week, a huge amount sold and on Friday last week it took me the whole day to package and address loads of parcels and get them ready to go.  It might have taken less time for Steve to do but I really wasn't focused on it, I got relegated from operating the computer (and stuffing it up because I couldn't think) to putting items in packets.

Today again I have checked his account and there is a load of stuff to go, I feel bad as I know it has not had the attention Steve would pay to it but I hope people understand, I am sure most will but it is difficult to continue. 

One thing which has upset me today is that someone had left a "neutral" feedback, this felt like a dig at me, there was a note in every parcel explaining the delay, in fairness there were only 1 or 2 items which fell outside our usual stated timings but that one comment was like a knife, "yeah I know you sent me the item, I know your partner has died but I really don't care, you should have sent my item quicker" all I hope is that one day that person will realise just how hurtful that is.

As I said I am struggling with keeping it going for Steve, both physically and emotionally so I don't need that aggro! 

I have been to see Steve again today, Saw him Monday when I gave him a shave, (the beard was cute but I know he would prefer to be clean shaven) and I wanted to do that for him as it was one of the few things I could do.  I saw him then Monday afternoon after he had been dressed but I didn't visit him yesterday, today I wanted to though.  Obviously he doesn't look fantastic but he does just look like he is sleeping.  Seeing him feels odd, I know his body is there before me but I know he is not, it is difficult to explain and I don't know how I have managed to spend so much time with him since he has passed but it feels right.

 I had my tattoo for Steve yesterday, just something simple around my wrist with some special dates, we had spoken about it on the Friday before he passed away and he and I had both planned to have it done.  Only I have managed to have it done of course but it is in my line of sight and I know it is there for him, it already feels like it has always been there, I love the tattoo, I am not so comfortable with the circumstances which have prompted me to get it now but that will fade and I will be left with a permanent reminder of Stephen which will always be there with me.

Well I think that is enough for now, I have stuff to do and ebay shizzle to sort for Steve, I cant let him down so onwards.....

Back soon,
M

Well here I am again, just after midnight writing a blog.  Steve used to do the same, sit here late and write a blog before bed as he knew his Mum read most days and she got worried when there was no update.

Today has been busy, I ahve tried to keepcomposed and for the most part I have.  I called in to the doctors this morning to pass funeral details on to our GP, Steve got on well with him and from my visit today it seems the staff there got on well with him too as they were all upset about his passing. 

Then to the post office, you will recall Steve upsetting old dears at the post office with his parcels well, Zak at the post office was upset by Steves passing too and asked that I keep him advised of the arrangements then it was off to the hospital to pass info on the the Macmillan nurse Steve had taken a shine to.  I didn't get to speak to the burse in question but spoke to a member of staff.  Now it is perhaps relevant to mention I had a printedsheet with a picture of steve on and details of the time and date of the funeral, the Macmillan colleague I spoke to looked at the picture and asked, "Is this your brother?"

I was annoyed, I explained he was my partner but again this just highlighted to me how people still have pre-conceived ideas, even in this day and age  where assumptions are made about sexuality about the way you look.  Yeah you guessed it, no featheres or sequins, limp wrists or camp voice today, I just went for the jeans and hoodie destroyed partner look.  That perhaps was my mistake, how could she possibly know without me signposting it for her?  The point is she shouldn't need to know, would she be more quick or less quick getting the info to her colleagues if he was my brother?

Then it was off to BASIC where Steve used to go for his massages, the lady there was upset too and, despite turning up unannounced I managed to get past the old dear on reception who not only said my name wrong despite me repeating it three times but also couldn't comprehend that my partner may be male!

soap box away though these people were just going their jobs but, were they doing them correctly? Should I have to "come out" for every health professional I meet?  Should they just be more educated instead?

I have lots more to write here but I am struggling to stay awake, I am going to take advantage of this and head for bed, maybe tonight I will sleep. Last Tuesday we spent the night at Stephens bedside.  I don't remember the last time I slept well but what I do remember is that it was when steve was there alongside me.

Numb

Well it has been an odd few days, I guess things are really starting to hit home now.

Yesterday was Fathers Day, a pretty grim one really for Steve's Dad this year and my Dad too as my parents have lived with us for 5½ years so they have got used to seeing Stephen on a daily basis too.  I called up to see Steves Dad so he could have his present, Steve and I had bought it and bought cards last Saturday on our way home from a day out, we never knew then that this was one of the last things Stephen would ever do. 

It was hard to go there, I don't know why but it was, I guess I feel guilty, guilty that I couldn't make it stop.  I know it is not my fault at all but to see the pain in their eyes last September when I had to break the news that their little boy had a terminal illness was terrible and to see them lose their little boy so cruelly after just 9 months when things had been going so well and we were still  some time off the 12 to 18 month prognosis was worse. 

Focussing on them makes me not wallow in my own self pity, it stops me feeling bitter that our time together was so brief, they brought a wonderful guy into this world and I only got to share him for a short period of time.  They have lost a son, a fantastic son but they also have each other to turn to for support and comfort.  I have that too, a great set of friends and family but, as wonderful as they all are there is only one embrace I want to feel.

Going to bed at the moment is an ordeal in itself, it means having to re-live the grief all over again, I guess I may be being hard on myself as it is still just a few days since he died and I am entitled to get upset but not getting that hug before I sleep, or being able to give him a hug is torment, sobbing into your pillow so as not to wake the rest of the house then, when eventually you do fall asleep I wake with a start and grasp for the person next to me, the person who is not there, for a split second there is a feeling of relief when you realise he has just popped to the loo then it hits, like a ten ton weight on your chest, he's gone and wont be coming back, there is no morning hug this morning, just a pillow...

My thoughts over the past few days have been random, I guess to be expected but it is simple things that cut so much.  On Thursday I went to register Steve's death, something I had dreaded.  In reality it was not that bad, the registrar let me witter on about what a fantastic husband I had and how he made me so proud but that wasn't the bit that made me think.  To go and register the death they asked that I take Steve's birth certificate if it was available, it was, if you have read Steve's blog for some time you may recall him mentioning it.

For as long as Steve and I have been together he had not been able to find his birth certificate, he had no idea where it was but knew it was in a safe place.  Just after his diagnosis we had a day or two of "mourning", just tears for no reason and a mind full of thoughts of "what if" and "if only".  Steve realised this was counter productive and decided that Cancer would not mark the end of his life but the beginning of his life.  He was now going to go all out and have as good a time as possible, his Uncle Mike had given him some advice and was quite blunt with it too but it jolted Steve and Mike's story stayed with Steve.  In fact he recalled the story to a friend not more than a few weeks ago as he has done many times before.  that isn't the point I am making though. 

After Steve had decided to start life anew he woke on monday bright and early and got dressed early, he decided to sort through a few things and generally started to make headway on clearing clutter from his life and focussing on what was important.  On that day when I came home from work I was met by the most excited Steve I had seen for weeks, "it's a sign" he said, "I've had a sign", I thought he had lost the plot but then he showed me.

Proudly sitting atop a pile of papers on his desk was his birth certificate, the very same one he had not seen for years, it turned up in a random pile of papers.  Steve took this to mean something, it meant he was right and that today was the start of his new life. 

That was about nine months ago now and, whether we look at Steves life or the life he had since finding his certificate again it has not been long, it feels like days, we have done so much in this time but it still feels like so little.  I curse the time we spent doing nothing, sitting, watching a film or staring into space as I wonder if maybe we should have done something more significant.  I don't know what though but, each and every moment, each and every memory whether it is remembering how we would hit the snooze button "just one more time", or how Steve would chop the veg as I cooked food or even how he would annoy me by not taking his tissues out of his pocket before his clothes went in the washing machine, every single moment and memory is precious and that is what scares me.

I am scared I may forget those memories, I am scared I may forget how only he could hug me "right" and I am scared I will forget how his text with our special phrase made me feel...

I know now Stephen has ended this journey he has begun another, I know his memory will live on in me and those whose lives he touched and I know my next journey is only just beginning.  Stephens legacy will live on, I hope his passion and drive will keep me afloat when I feel like I am sinking. 

He is with me in my heart and for that I am grateful but, he has gone from this life and for that I am not.

Mark

Action Stations

Well today has been an odd day, I spoke to Steve's Mum this morning, she is much the same as us, unable to focus etc, it's to be expected, I feel the same.  Simple tasks are extremely difficult and concentration is negligable.

Yesterday we sorted Steve's ebay account, LOADS had sold over the past few days, well, in saying days it is almost a week because the stuff that sold on Saturday last week hadn't been sent either as I had more important things to worry about.  Simple tasks like printing the ebay invoice was impossible, my mind was a blank and I couldn't do it.

Back to today though, (thats another thing at the moment, my mind wanders very quickly) today some friends came round, it was good to sit and chat.  Steves Mum came and we went up into the attic to get Steve's clothes for the funeral.  We came across a few photos of him and again found it difficult to think that we will never see him again.

The realisation is sinking in slowly for me I've not had a conversation with him now for 6 days, when he was in hospital he wasn't talkative as was too drowsy and distracted by his headaches and now he cant respond.  That is the hard part, we loved being in each others company, chatting and just being close.  It has always been the same, our first date lasted from 5.30 pm when I met him after work until 5.30 am when we finally decided we needed some sleep and all that time we had been talking, I dont remember what about but we discussed all sorts of stuff and the time flew by, it felt like just an hour or so.

Our whole relationship has flown by, from meeting on Friday May 13th 2005 to Stephen's leaving on Wednesday 15th June 2011.  It just feels like a flying visit, we had so many more things to do, he wanted to go back to Thailand, he wanted to see Phantom again this summer, he wanted to visit Leon in Israel and Ollie in Spain and Tal in Mull, he was looking forward to going away this weekend, which should have been today and he was also looking forward to our other break later in the year for our 5th wedding anniversary.  there were so many more chapters to write, photos to take and memories to make, now I have to do them alone.  I know he will be with me but I wont be able to see him or hear his voice or clink glasses to toast to another 5 years.

As I'm writing my eyes are streaming, what did I do to deserve this pain?  I fell in love with a truly remarkable person but, if I had my time over I would do it all again without a moments hesitation.

Mark

Memories

Well toight has been a tough one, I have done a little more work on Stephen's site, http://www.troubleonline.co.uk/, the site now has a gallery of pictures and somewhere for people to post their condolences, tomorrow the funeral arrangements will be posted as will a few other bits and pieces.  The past 48 hours or so has been spent trying to co-ordinate a fantastic send off for Stephen. 

I've not managed this alone, I am so pleased to say I have the support of fantastic parents, all four of them.  We've laughed together now we cry together.  The support doesn't end there, there are countless friends and you have really been there for me and I truly thank you for this, your text, your hug or just your smile is often enough.  Calling on and conscripting some old friends who have known Stephen for many years has made the task ahead bearable, I am confident with their help we can make Stephen proud of his final performance and for that I am eternally grateful.

As for you Stephen well, I hold on to; and take comfort fom knowing I have thousands of happy memories with you and because of you. From our first date at Ikea to our marriage less than 18 months later, from holidays and "us" time through to travelling the UK with a suitcase of frocks and car full of kit but most recently our walk last Saturday along the banks of the canal where we chatted about the trips we would make along there in our narrowboat home working on our newest venture where instead of your first words of the morning being "I Love You" as usual, you instead told me about how we have to do "that", it was a good job I knew what you meant.


I miss you pud, the pain seems to double with each passing minute but I am trying not to cry for what I have lost but with joy for all the good times we shared. You're gone too soon from my side but I know you will be with me every day. I sense your warmth but long to see your beautiful blue eyes, your cheeky smile or feel your arms embrace me just one more time.

I still love you more with each passing hour and my heart will be broken until the curtain goes up on our encore and we meet again...

Mark x

Stephen

Well readers right now there is a new and bright star in the sky and a different person sat here typing this message.  Many of you will know Steve in different guises, maybe by Greavesie, Whippy, Enid, GoGo or just Mate but I am sure he holds a special place in your heart as does he in mine.  As his partner of over 6 years I feel proud and privileged to have had the honour of sharing his life for this time.
 
Right now I am struggling for words but I wanted and felt I needed to come here and continue Stephens story, his legacy is already gathering pace and his name will live on forever, in memories, in love, in many hearts and in  something he became extremely passionate about in recent months, I will not discuss that yet as it will be deserving of it’s own blog entry.
 
By now I am sure you have gathered, if you didn’t already know, that Stephen  passed peacefully away at 4.24am on 15^th June 2011 following an extremely sudden and acute deterioration of his condition.  I will post more of the events around his passing over the next few days but for now this is as much as I can bear to write.

If you are a Facebook user please “like” the page I have created for him at http://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Enid-Whiplash-aka-Stephen-Faccenda/231797150180500 keep visiting our website at www.troubleonline.co.uk as it will be populated with pictures and details of our celebration of Stephens short but varied and full and inspirational  life.  Details will be posted as and when available and I feel I can speak on behalf of his family as well as myself when I say we will be pleased to welcome you to join us to celebrate the life of a truly inspirational man, a Son, a Grandson, a Brother, an Uncle, a Friend a Performer, a Colleague, a Neighbour and many many more things to many many more people but above all he is the man I can proudly call my soulmate. 

Thank you for your continued support,  please come back soon and please take comfort in knowing Stephen loved having such a wide, varied and wonderful set of friends, some whom he may of met in person and others he had not, but your being there made him happy, he always wanted and loved seeing people happy so don’t be bitter for what we have lost, be truly thankful for his life.

Mark – The Proudest but most heartbroken partner in the world.....

Migrane

Well what a shit day, I started this morning quite well, although my machine
decided it was going to do strange things so I had to ask Antonia to reset
it at the office which resolved the issue (pressing g was making it do
strange things - just my day) I was then working away quite happily before
my head kicked off and decided I was having a migraine. Now I wouldn't wish
anyone to suffer from migranes as they are horrible, sometimes I can catch
then and make them go away, but with everything going on in my head, the
reducing steroids and everything else I had no chance of getting rid of it,
so off to bed just after lunch I went.

I managed to clear the main part of the headache as I was asleep which is
good and I managed to avoid the sickness too.

The reducing steroid is a pain in the arse at the moment as I get a
throbbing in my head, and it literally stops me in my tracks, hopefully it
shouldn't last for much longer though as my body gets used to the reduced
dose.

I'm still tired despite the fact I slept for over 4 hours this afternoon,
but that's nothing new for me, I might try and stay in bed for a lay in,
tomorrow morning although I know it probably won't happen, as I have post to
do for one, that and I get bored in bed and my body aches so I end up
getting up early in the morning.

Tomorrow is more log making as the paper has been soaking all week so will
make as many as we can and will start again, mum has said she can keep them
in her shed at home as a way of storing them whilst they dry out (I don't
think my dad knows yet though) they don't take up much room, though and we
can just keep making them until we have enough to last us through winter, if
for whatever reason we don't end up getting a boat this year a number of
people will be getting really random Xmas presents this year.....

This evening despite feeling still under the weather we met up with a friend
that was making a fleeting visit to Manchester, I know I probably shouldn't
have done but sometimes I have to think about other things, and I would have
been ill at home anyway so might as well be happy and ill.

Anyway am tired now so will sign off and update tomorrow.

Steve

I'm Married to a Geek

Now I mean this in a nice way, but my other half is quickly turning into a
Techno Geek

First it was his laptop, then was his Camera and now it's his mobile, but he
is increasingly becoming more and more gadget minded. To the extent where he
has overtaken me, I'm not that interested anymore but he is always on the
lookout for a new lens cover or something.....

Anyway back to me... I have been a little bit absent for the last few days
as it has been pointed out to me, simple answer is I haven't been so clever.
As I have already said earlier in the week I wasn't well on Sunday and
Monday and this has continued for a few days, I think some of it is a little
bit self perpetuated, but I still do feel really tired. I know I always feel
like this the week after chemo week and also am on the reducing steroids
which only leave me feeling in a word Sh1t, but hopefully I can now see the
light at the end of the tunnel though with the steroids as have only got
about 2 weeks left before hopefully I don't have to take them again. This is
going to be a big step for me as I have been taking them since September
when I was first admitted to hospital

I know its going to have a few compplications along the way bt at the moment
I appear to be coming with Ibuprofen to combat the headaches that are caused
byt the reduction in steroids, but if I can get throgh the next few weeks
with this little help then bonis, life can return back to normal.

The eBay store is still going well, and there is more stuff going on there
every few days. Therfore the house is getting a little lighter - not as
downsized as we would like but its making a start.

I have been trying to finish this blog all day but every time I think about
it I get sidetracked so its not getting anywhere. Therfore its not got
anywhere.

So will sign off for today and will start again tomorrow with full blogs.

Steve

Sick

Well I can honestly say I have had a very crappy last 24 hours.

I was going to do a blog last night but my body decided to be ill instead. I
was sick and I felt like I had been hit by a bus, it was the same all night
then so I spent most of last night sat on the landing, toilet, bathroom, and
so on trying, don't you love it when your body plays Russian roulette with
you...

Needless to say I got very little sleep last night, I eventually fell asleep
this morning when mark had headed off to work, although he was back again at
about 11.30 to check on me. I have then slept off and on all day on the
sofa, I still feel a little crank but much better than I was. This is
probably down to the fact that I am on a reducing dose of steroid, not good
at any time, and I have been here before, I think I might just have to like
It and lump it. I know it will get easier eventually, it's just a pain for
the time being.

Tomorrow I am at the doctors just for a check up, I haven't seen the doc for
a couple of weeks so he wanted to just see how things were going, the docs
are good like that.

Am off to bed now hopefully I will feel much better tomorrow.

Will update then

Steve

Tired

OK so I admit it, yesterday I did too much. And it shows today as I feel
like I have been hit by a bus (although Mark says he can't see the
difference as I'm still a fatty....)

Yesterday we sorted out the eBay office as it's become known. We have the
front spare room and the olds have the back spare room, At least now when
everything is on eBay its easily found, and not mixed in with each other's
stuff.

When we had done all the photographing, moving stuff and tidying, we went
for a walk down the canal past Worsley, both for a walk and also a look see
at where we could potentially moor, as it's something else we have to look
into for when we get the boat.

Walking along the canal was lovely despite the fact I was tired and couldn't
walk as fast as I would normally. Mark was taking pictures of the canal etc
and was trying to take photos of the wildlife too but they were simply not
having any of it, the swan kept sticking his head underneath the water or
its back to Mark, so didn't really get a picture of him. Then it was a Heron
and again it must have been shy as soon as the camera was out it was off.

We were going to pop in on Nick and Geoff on our way back but again somebody
somewhere had decided to change our plans, and the rain came down and we
were soaked, so we came straight home to dry off, and then it was a case of
just veging on the sofa until I had to admit defeat and go to bed, hence no
blog yesterday.

Today we are deciding on or outfits for Sheffield Pride which is only about
6 wee away now so it's back to the drawing board as we no longer have any
costumes - and even if we did they wouldn't fit us....

Will update later to let you know what we have been upto today, although I
doubt much will get done knowing the way we both feel.

Steve

Post

Well today has been a huge day for our eBay store, its taken me all night to
sort out all the orders.

The downsizing really has kicked into force this evening, with two
mattresses going to the skip - now I know that goes against all we believe
in and normally they would have gone to the charity, but they were old and
knackered so worthy of nothing so the skip for the. We have also taken down
our crystal bed and it is now stood up in the spare room, which has also
become our eBay office. We are having the front spare bedroom and Tanja is
having the back spare bedroom, it might help to keep the house sort of tidy
lol.

I like days like today though even though I have been tired as it gives you
a boost to do more.

I managed to do a full day for the office from home and sorted loads of
queries out that have been hanging round for a few days as the systems have
been down, so I can start afresh on Monday now with a clear inbox (although
it will fill up nicely over the weekend)

My chemo is going well, the anti sickness does still make me slightly queasy
but that doesn't last very long so not an issue. As long as I manage my time
with the anti sickness then the chemo then some food it passes by with
relatively little fuss. One thing I do suffer from though is I can hear my
pulse in my head for a while after I have taken the chemo, it sort of raises
my blood pressure, it is odd but only lasts an hour or so, so I just have to
put up with it.

Anyway I forgo to send this, so here it is, off to bed again,

Will update tomorrow

Steve

Avenue Q

Well today has been an odd day to say the least. I woke up so tired it was
as though I hadn't slept all night, even though I had slept relatively well.

As a result today has been a bit of a slow day, I didn't log onto work as I
couldn't focus my mind into working so didn't want to make more work for
myself.

I have done little bits round the house but it's all been done slowly, I
haven't had a nap though today so will be heading off to bed very shortly.

This evening we were at the theatre, mum and dad bought us tickets and we
almost forgot about them.

Avenue Q is an amazing show and the fact that the main characters are
puppets is secondary to the show, you forget that there is an actor singing
for and handling the puppets.

Anyway if you get a chance to go and see the show then its definitely worth
it.

Anyway am tired and so am off to bed.

Hopefully I will be feeling a little more spritely tomorrow.

Will update tomorrow

Steve

Steroids

Well one good bit of news from today's appointment. I am again on a reducing dose of steroids over the next 4 weeks. So hopefully this time next month I should be steroid free.

Hopefully I can start to loose weight again.

As usual no news from the oncologist so as they say no news is good news....

Just another standard 5 days of chemotherapy to get through.

Will update later.

Steve

Sent from my iPhone

Christies

Well am sat waiting in Christies for my appointment. Have had my blood taken and everything will be good as normal. Just hate waiting.

Will update later.

Sx

Sent from my iPhone

Sale Sale Sale

Well what a couple of days, like I said in my blog from earlier things are
moving at the house, but we need to move at a greater speed as there is so
much we need to dispose of.

My mum has been down this evening as she does every Tuesday in her little
dinky new red car, which was nice. Life is more or less back to normal again
now and other than the appointments at the hospital and doctors and such,
things appear to be like they were 6 months ago. I have even been
considering introducing more "in office" days into my working week, this is
a step of me working my way back into work. I will have to speak to the
oncologist though and definitely not whilst I am on Chemo, will see what the
docs say.

I don't have much else to say at the moment other than the sad fact of our
bed, the picture is enclosed.

We have realised that no matter what barge we get it just won't go on there
so after less than 12 months of camp decadence we are having to sell it. If
anyone is interested in the bed frame let me know. It really is the campest
thing ever and the picture does not do it justice.

Will update tomorrow after the hospital....

Steve

Back to the city

Well, we arrived back home yesterday afternoon, and we were both shattered.

All the fresh air really does take it out of you, that and we didn't get
much sleep as the wind kept us both awake. Now Mark will tell you that it
was me snoring and I will say it was him snoring but it was the wind as we
decided to pitch the tent below a huge tree, so even the slightest of
breezes made a huge amount of noise. Point learned I think.

So yesterday afternoon was simply a case of lugging all the stuff in from
the car, putting the tent over the washing line to dry out and take it easy.
Justian a friend was supposed to pop by, but neither of us would have been
much company as we were just so tired.

We really enjoyed the boat show but it has made me think lots this weekend
about my illness, I can honestly say that I have thought about having cancer
more in the last 3 days than I have in a long time.

It started when we saw a boat we liked but as with most boats, they are
purpose built, and can take upto 16 months for delivery.

I know I am thinking positive about my prognosis, but that's more than I
have been given, there is little point me planning t get a boat hand built
to our standards in 16 months and then not making it. It would be so much
nicer to actually have the boat now and enjoy the time that I have now, if
then in 5 years or so we want another boat then we can go and get another
bigger better boat.

Like having a fire extinguisher, its always there but something you don't
need 99% of the time, but the day you don't have it there's a fire, that's
my way of thinking at the moment. Planning of my funeral has gone the same
way, if I plan it all now, I can stick it in a box and then forget about
it, at least its done and nobody can argue about what I want, but its also
something I hope I will not need for a while, I hope you get my drift.

Talking to people this weekend has also made me think I am facing the whole
thing pretty strong and head on. I can talk about my illness, my prognosis
and issues surrounding it very easy. At times I can even laugh about the
situation and make light out of the situation.

There is a T-Shirt somewhere that says basically "I'm in it for the Parking"
and shows a a picture of a blue badge. I do agree though that this is in bad
taste, but I do tell people that you get cancer and you get a free parking
space, this is my way of making light of a bad situation.

This week we have a pretty busy week coming up, which is both good and bad.
Tomorrow is my monthly visit to the Christie for my monthly chemo treatment,
this is also my last treatment in the current plans, I don't know what the
next step is, will find out tomorrow, as they have said there is no set
plans its a case of see what happens with this cycle, so I leave it to their
decision (this is the same for all the other patients I have chatted too.)

So from tomorrow for 5 days I will be on chemo, and I hipe like last month
that it passes without issue.

Thursday we are off to the theatre to see Avenue Q, which was a gift from my
parents, were both looking forward to it, as a number of the songs in the
show we used to perform in our show, so will be interesting to see how its
supposed to be done....

We will also fit in some more eBay stuff in there as like I said the other
day, looking at all the boats has shown us one thing, we really can't take
that much stuff with us, so need to start clearing out now.

I might cut my hair tonight as its getting long but the bald part over my
scar is still a little thin, I am hoping that if I cut it all shorter it
will all look the same length.

Anyway am supposed to be working so will sign off and might update later.

Steve

All decided

Well we have seen the boat we want and she is lovely. Not what we were looking for but that's just typical of us. We just need to sell the house now so we can sort it all out.

We have been on so many boats and seen so many ideas this weekend that we now know where we want head. It also highlighted one thing, our downsizing efforts need to be scaled up tenfold....

Were off to the comedy night shortly on site before we turn in for the night and think about the boat we have seen.

If anyone wants to provide us with a Xmas present of the barge we can give you the details of the Marina and boat and everything will be ticketey boo (that's a hint to the name of the barge)

Anyway comedy is starting shortly so need to get gone.

Will update tomorrow

Steve

Sent from my iPhone

1st night over and out

Well that's the first night out of the way. It rained twice in the night but we stayed dry so we did something right with the tent.

Will be spending the day strolling round the show today for ideas and such.

We have been up since seven and had breakfast, medication and the all important cup of tea.....

Nick found us a brilliant scoter tourer we should all have one. Will post the pic later.

Will update later.

Sx

Sent from my iPhone

Boat show day 1

Well as I sit writing this in our tent I can honestly say it's looking good. We arrived about 6pm because of traffic but we were soon all pitched and beer in hand...

The weather is dry but Mark is still wearing his wellies though. The show officially starts to tomorrow and so we will be busy scouting round looking at things for our new life on board.

Anyway not much else to note yet. Will update tomorrow.

Steve

Sent from my iPhone

Planning

Well today was my last day in work as I'm off to Crick tomorrow to the Boat
Show

I have been in the office today and managed to get loads done, I'm seeing
this as my return back to work slowly but surely.

Have had a really busy day on eBay so tomorrow morning will be a trek down
to the post office with all the sales.

My headache managed to stay at bay until about 12m today and then I had to
admit defeat and take some painkillers. Saying that it wasn't till after
10pm this evening when I had to take some more though, so all going good.

Ave been told of a natural replacement for my steroids as well today so am
going to investigate that, as apparently it doesn't have the same negative
side effects, so worth a try, will get all the info together and then
discuss it with the Oncologist next week.

This evening we have been packing our stuff ready for tomorrow, it takes so
much stuff just to go camping, sleeping bags, tent pegs, kettles and such.

Anyway am really tired and have loads to do tomorrow so will be heading off
to bed now and will update tomorrow.

I will also try and update over the weekend with pictures of us in our
wellies that also arrived today, it's all change here and its all change for
the good.

Till tomorrow

Steve x

Busy

I haven't even got out of bed yet and have already dealt with ten email enquiries. Looks like it's going to be one of those days. Will update later

Sent from my iPhone

We have Cancer to thank, Marks puts thoughts to paper....

Well, after seeing some of the reports on the news recently about people
claiming back the money from mis-sold Payment Protection I can't help but
wonder what state the country will be in once this has all kicked off
properly. At very least this could possibly signal the end of free banking
for individuals?

Lets face it, we are talking about huge amounts of money after what has been
a very tough few years for our banks. It's a tough one and a bit of a
dilemma. Neither the banks or government have the money to pay out on these
claims. I know it sounds dramatic but I really do think we're heading for a
bit of a meltdown and, I am sorry to say I have to take some responsibility
too for selling the stuff and also for getting involved in flogging the
concept of claiming it back. Yep, I used to work for a loan brokerage and
sold Payment Protection, the principle of it is actually good, what's not so
good is when people were told, or it was implied, their loan was conditional
on taking the PPI. I never did it but I am sure it went on. As for
claiming it back I worked for a PPI reclaim company a few years ago after
leaving a loan brokerage. It was great to be on the "goodies" side,
battling against the evil loan companies etc. Since leaving that field of
work and commencing work with a charity, and since my partner was diagnosed
with Cancer I have done a lot of thinking and now look at life in a very
different way.

Get me getting all soft in my old age but, I realise now that we have got to
this state by nurturing greed and envy and always wanting more, always
looking what someone else has better than us as opposed to seeing all the
good things we have already and seeing the value in the things we have
already. As a society we seem to subscribe to the more is more school of
thought, more money equals more happiness etc but in reality we know money
doesn't buy happiness. More value seems to be placed on having the fastest
car the most expensive clothes or access to the most exclusive clubs but in
reality are they 'that' important? If you were told you could win the euro
millions this weekend but in order to do so you would need to give up your
partner, your family and your friends would you do it? I doubt you would.

Many may feel that the ideal scenario is to have both but does money
'really' buy happiness, surely it just brings with it a whole heap of
different problems. This is a subject which has been debated for many years
and I am sure will continue to be debated for many to come. There is no
right and wrong answer and, if money and material possessions please someone
and gives them pleasure then who is anyone else to criticise that and if an
individual feels fulfilled by opting out of the social norms of a demanding
and greedy society then again, should that be criticised?

This is where I speak from experience, I used to be that person subscribing
to the social norms, wanting the best suits, the nicest car and other
luxuries I felt were essential in my life. Since facing the prospect of
losing my partner I have realised what really is important to me. Material
possessions are not important any more but my happiness and the happiness of
my partner is important. Yes, we still get pleasure from treating ourselves
to something we want, this week it has been wellies but we also get pleasure
from spending time in each others company, working together, spending time
with family with friends and enjoying the silent satisfaction you get from
just being with that special someone.

It's funny how cancer can change your life and cancer, as well as taking
life can give life. It has given us a new life, a more appreciative and
considerate life, we don't know how long we will get to spend with it but
what we do know is that we are here, living life, breathing life and
enjoying life not chasing some far off goal of untold riches and happiness
beyond belief. We have all that now, the richness and happiness that our
family and friends bring to us would have remained invisible had cancer not
shown us what was already around us.

This seems an odd thought for a Wednesday afternoon, a thought which took me
from the thought of losing free banking to inward reflection but the whole
journey has been interesting, I am learning more each day about myself,
about my family and about my friends. The things I'm learning are helping
me shape my future, to shape our future, cutting people or things out of our
lives that make it uncomfortable and unhappy and filling it full of those
which give us that happy feeling, that warm glow from fingers to toes, like
a soft and fluffy blanket, the knowledge that I do not need to look for
happiness and I do not need to ask for happiness because I have it and I
have Cancer to thank for teaching me that lesson.

Mid Day News

Well to be honest there isn't any...

I'm all done for the day bit am bored, and a little bit tired, even though I
did sleep really well last night.

The headache didn't kick in till mid morning though today so that was good,
I was then reading on one of the Brain Tumour Groups on Facebook that the
steroids can actually cause headaches too, and a number of the people taking
them get the headaches, so it could just be that I suppose alongside
everything else.

At least I am slowly reducing them now, and want to do so next month even
more so when I see the Oncologist. I just need to get off them and loose all
this weight I have put on, it will be like having a whole new wardrobe of
clothes to wear again....

Nothing much else to write at the moment so will sign off till later when I
think of something more to say.

Steve x

Super Fast

Well today has been a super fast day and also quiet too.

I have changed the way I log onto the office computer system, which means I
am now running at full speed again, I can now start to work fully and pick
up more task which will keep me occupied. Something that would have taken me
2 hours now only takes me 20 mins.

I have only had two painkillers all day I have a little headache now but I'm
trying not to have any more, see if I can get through till tomorrow, which
would be good.

It's not so bad when I am occupied though so I will just have to keep
occupied and then go straight to sleep.

I commented again today that the last few weeks appear to have gone back to
normal, we don't get the usual visitors just popping in, the odd phone calls
etc, that sounds awful as it as only people who cared, but I know they still
care and will always be there, they don't have to ask me every day though.
It's nice to not have to think about the cancer and just plod on through the
day.

Anyway I have very little else to say today other than Mark has been adding
more of our possessions to the eBay store
http://shop.ebay.co.uk/justtheone4u/m.html?_trksid=p4340.l2562 and has
reduced the price on a number of the items. Will sign off an will update
tomorrow.

Steve

From Stiletto's to Wellingtons

Well I would never thought I would see the day I would be swapping my
stiletto shoes for Wellington boots, but today that has happened.

It's been an odd afternoon and today has made me think quite a lot about how
my life has changed so much since September of last year, the majority of it
for the good I might add, but all in completely different ways to what I
would have generally chosen if I was honest.

Back to the wellingtons anyway. I had a call this afternoon from a friend
that wanted more Drag from our collection so he came round and had a look at
what we had left. He bought quite a number of items as he is currently
building up his drag wardrobe.

No sooner did the money come in than had we already spent it - the story of
our lives!! Mark was on the net looking at willies as we need them to go
camping this weekend and also will be handy when we get the boat. Isn't it
odd how your buying habits change....

Anyway long story short we are both now the proud owners of wellingtons....
(or we will be when the postie decides to deliver them)

Have been into the office today and managed to get loads done, which is good
as it makes my email inbox clear and also helps the guys out. Its also a
sense of achievement if I get my email inbox clear too - it always has been,
and is one little way of being back to normal.

Normality has almost returned to my life and everything is now returning
back to a bit of a quiet existence, things have changed etc about where am
working and such but that's about it, it's lovely....

The headaches are just something I put up with now, although they are
getting less and less I still have to take a couple of pain killers during
the day most days, but the Oncologist isn't worried about them and so
neither am I, to be honest I probably give myself headaches by stressing
about them and pushing myself.

Mark has been uploading more stock items to the eBay store so will have a
busy couple of days if they all sell, its better if it's done on a daily
basis as there is always something beginning and ending and is a constant
change of items.

Anyway am off to bed, will update tomorrow.

Steve

Week-end

Well as promised I am updating before we go to bed.

This afternoon I havent done much just sorted a couple of things out tidies
our bedroom and then sat and prepared the kilts that have arived this week,
its an ongoing process and we have more arrivibg in the next few days too.

There is more post to go tomorrow, and am hoping to go into the office if I
can get my head into gear.

Mark has been uploading more items to the eBay store
http://shop.ebay.co.uk/justtheone4u/m.html?_trksid=p4340.l2562 there is
loads of random items going on at the moment, as we would like to avoid
going to a carboot sale if we can, but I knw its not going to happen so in
the next few weeks we will be off to a carboot sale somewhere and offload a
load of stuff.

My headaches are ok today although I have had had a couple of painkillers,
thats probably because I am tired though and I have been focusing on the
kilts, so probably my own fault.

I finished my schedule of treatments for the BT Buddies www.btbuddies.org
website. It makes sense to me, but I'm sure it needs to be edited, but at
least the content is there.

Dont forget too, that a friend of ours Mel is still looking for votes to be
this years "Britains Top Role Model"

If she wins she will be doniating her £5000 charity prize fund to a charity
of my choice. Thats £5000 that will be going to a Brain Cancer charity if
she wins. Its really easy to do and takes less than two mins

Her name is Mel Bryan and the link to vote is
http://britainstoprealrolemodel.co.uk/en/ I would be greatful if you could
boost her votes and help her on the way to making that £5k contribution -
Have you done it yet mother?

If you could also pass it round to all your friends and colleagues that
would be brilliant too.

Anyway enbough of the soapbox I'm off to bed, will update tomorrow

Steve

Saturday

I didn't do a blog yesterday - Will be honest I forgot, as I was tired.

We had loads to do yesterday bit didn't end up doing a lot, I didn't feel
too clever yesterday was just so tired so was were supposed to have an
early night, that didn't happen as usual as we decided to curl up on the
sofa and watch the new harry potter film but both fall asleep.

We were supposed to go to Mike Cad's Birthday Bash in Sheffield but neither
of us were upto it. Mark is still slightly suffering from the cold he has
had for over a week too.

Natalya has asked me to write about my experience of treatment and all the
levels, as the first couple of months of treatment are pretty much standard
for most people. There is always exceptions but its pretty much standard
most of the time. The peice will go on the BT Buddies www.btbuddies.org
website and form part of the mine of onformation that is already on there.

This leads me onto another gripe. We havent been up long but we have just
sat and watched Sing if you can with Keith Lemmon and Staecey Solomon.

The moneyraised goes to the Teenage Cancer Trust, now I dont knock this as
it is a good cause, but most fundraising for any form of cancer goes to
either Breast or Testicular cancer. Very little money is raised/spent on
Brain cancer research and treatment and is very rarely spoken abiut.

It would be nice to be able to change this and raise more awairness of Brain
cancer, as it is a big disease, that never gets discussed.

Anyway, we can only do what we can do to help raise the profile of this
issue and any help you guys can do too would be brilliant.

One thing I have found out today is that ex friends who I fell out with
during my diagnosis are still following my blog, I find it both sad and
annoying at the same time. Its sad I the respect that when I needed a friend
during my diagnisis they were not there, and now they want to know what I'm
upto, its their loss at the end of the day.

Today were not upto much, I need to plant my tomato and Garlic bulbs as if I
dont get them done this week they wont get done at all.

Othere than that I will update later.

Steve

Freaky Friday

Today has been the oddest of days, and I don't think I should have got out
of bed this morning.

I just couldn't get myself organised, I'm sure someone was moving all my
stuff round this morning when I was trying to get dressed and get out of the
house.

When I eventually did get out of the house, the alarm wouldn't arm, I
eventually got it sorted though.

I then got on the wrong bus and ended up going all round Salford just to get
into town. I do this regular as all the busses at the end of our street
haven't changed for months, however they don't change their destination, so
I forget which one goes direct and which doesn't.

The traffic going into town was then horrendous.

The list doesn't stop, and was glad to actually get to work. At least at my
desk I couldn't do anything wrong. Then the trouble started.

My PC didn't want to work, the whole office was the same though so I know it
wasn't me.

I eventually managed to start what I set out to do and managed to get things
done.

Coming home I got on the right bus, but I got stuck in traffic again, the
roads coming out of Manchester are all being reconstructed, however the
planners of Manchester and Salford roads couldn't plan a pi$$ up in a
brewery as they have taken one of the busiest roads coming in and out of
Manchester and reduced it down to one lane, go figure....

The headaches have continued, but are nowhere as bad as they have been and
actually went away of their own accord today so that's good, they don't even
bother me that much anymore either.

The tickets to the Boat Show came today for next weekend so that's something
to look forward too, we have to get the tent out tomorrow and check we have
everything. We wouldn't want to get there and realise we haven't got any
tent pegs....

We will also be doing eBay tomorrow as have said previously the house is now
for sale and so we need to get our arse into gear and drastically downsize.

The other house is also available to rent from early next month if anyone is
interested in a short term let.

Will sign off now as am tired and will update tomorrow.

Steve

Massage

Today has been an odd day, my machine hasn't worked properly all day and I
have had various people from the IT department connecting to it to sort it
out, they need to do something as its giving me a headache...

Hopefully it will be sorted tomorrow when I get my new log on details as the
systems have changed, I also get a new key ring too.... woo hoo.

I have had a headache again today but not anything like it has been, two
Ibuprofen and it was gone, I did also have a massage this afternoon at BASIC
which helped me so much today, I just didn't want to get off the table, I
would go for one every day if I could, but that would really interfere with
my working day as I wouldn't get much done.

Also this afternoon we went to a Dying Matters event in Salford. It promised
to be information end of life care, and info different options for the end
of your life. It was odd to say the least, as there was DJ (playing older
peoples type music) and cake, it was like a Tea Party (that was actually the
theme of the event) but to me it wasn't relevant at all.

I know I have been positive through my illness but I also have to be
realistic, and when Mark was sent the information on the event I decided I
would like to go just to see what is available, Mark as usual supported my
decision and we both went along.

Neither of us though felt right being there as it was all old people and all
the exhibitors were aimed at the older people, Mark summed it up below.

"On a slightly different note we attended the "Dying Matters" event today
that I mentioned last week, Steve summed it up perfectly by saying he felt
like a gatecrasher at an old persons "Do". Because there was a free buffet
lunch the oldies were all there, a bus load arrived as we did! The venue
was like a large community room with a smaller room or area to the side
where the buffet was, the oldies were queuing around the room for the grub!
The stalls were very unimaginative, the usual, Age Concern, Marie Curie,
Macmillan, Local Hospice, Chaplains, Crematorium and the NHS. It was all
aimed at the oldies, I think we were the youngest visitors by many decades!
We wanted to speak to someone from a Non Religious background about hosting
a funeral, nothing of the sort there, nothing there seemed relevant to us,
hospice was too far forward to be relevant (strange though how we felt would
have liked to have seen funeral directors there to see how a modern funeral
could look) I am sure you get the impression but when you think of this
against the backdrop of a DJ on the stage playing out those classics,
classics' for the Darby and Joan club I'm sure, I am guessing we only just
missed "Roll out the barrel" and "My old man" in short it was a waste of
time, given half a chance we would have probably run the same event for the
wrinklies but we would have has something much more vibrant for younger
people, dying isn't fun but the funeral should be a celebration of life not
reason to wallow in the self pity of what has been lost but a chance to
reflect on how lucky we have been to have whatever or whoever we have had
the pleasure of for X number of years. The only one piece of info was a
document we got from the NHS people, basically living will type of thing
where we can write in it (whilst we are well) how we would like to be
treated toward the end, e.g. not be taken to hospital, refuse certain
treatments etc, there is lots to consider and I am sure some family members
will disapprove but it's our future, we're in this together, for better or
for worse and unfortunately for some it will perhaps be a realisation that
we are adults and we can do adult things and make adult decisions, mummy's
little boy may always be a mummy's boy but mummy doesn't always know what's
right, you said the same thing on Sunday when you said you have similar
where Andrew will speak up for you, I guess it can be a tough realisation
for parents but all part of life."

The living will is something we all need to do, and am going to bet a copy
for everyone, it's something none of us want to discuss but we should all
do.

One last thing, a friend of ours Mel Bryan has been nominated for another
award (she was the one that won the Big Society Award and went to London to
collect it from No 10)

Well she has been nominated for another award as Britain's Top Real Role
Model. The winning prize is £5000 to nominate to a charity of hr choice.

She has said that if she wins she will nominate this to a charity of my
choice.

This is where I am asking you guys to help her out, and vote for her on the
link below (there is also a small blurb from Mel) It takes seconds to do.

To get through to the judging round I need to attract 25 online votes.
Anyone can vote - you just need to go to the link below, register (you only
need to provide an email address and name) and then click the voting button
- the list is alphabetical and I'm under M for Melanie.

http://britainstoprealrolemodel.co.uk/en

It would be great both for Mel and also for the charity of my choice, which
will be a brain tumour charity for obvious reasons. So please vote and pass
it on, the more votes the better.

Am off to bed now as am in the office tomorrow so need to be fresh, that and
I'm really tired after my massage, not tired more deeply relaxed.

Will update tomorrow.

Steve

End of the day

Well its the end of the day again and its been a nice day.

We finished work today and headed off to the cinema to see the new Pirates
of the Caribbean in 3D.

We used to go regular but for some reason or another we have ended up
missing out for a while, but is something we hope to keep up with.

The film is amazing by the way.

I have had headache though today which has disappointed me, however I did
stress myself out with my PC as it was so slow and didn't work right because
it needs an update which IT have to do remotely, will get it done tomorrow
hopefully.

eBay has been busy again tonight and both myself and Tanja have been getting
post ready for tomorrow, Lawrence will drop it in at the post office
tomorrow. No sooner had I packaged all today's sales than more came in which
will now have to go the following day.

Mark has also completed the first two of the up-cycled cushions that we will
be adding to the range, these will be heading out in the next few days as we
already have orders for them.

Mark is feeling and sounding lots better, although the bug is still there so
I'm still on increased immune boosting supplements to help me avoid the bug.

Am heading off to bed now, I know another late night but I haven't stopped
this evening since we got home, I do feel better for it though as I haven't
given in to the tiredness, that and I haven't actually been that tired.

Will update more tomorrow.

Steve

Day 4

Well its day 4 and so far so good, no painkillers yet....

Will update later

For Sale

Well its official, the house is for sale...

We arrived back this evening and there it was in the garden the for sale
sign - now as the regular readers will know we have instigated this not just
random for sale signs appearing in the garden.

Its odd seing it there, and will be a constant reminder to get our arses
into gear and sort things out., whereas before it was a case of we will do
it eventually, eventually is now so OPPERATION HOUSE SALE AND DOWNSIZE is
underway....

Have been in the office today for a couple of hours but because I was tired
when I went in I was tired by 3pm. I didn't sleep last night as Mark was
snoring and I eventually went into the other room, I then couldn't get
comfortable but I did eventually nod off.

Hopefully I will sleep much better tonight. Mark is feeling slightly better
too so that should help. Otherwise I will be in the other room again
tonight.

Headaches have stayed away for three days so far, they have literally
disappeared as quick as they appeared, so no more painkillers for me for the
time being.

I do carry them with me though wherever I go, that and my antibacterial
waterless hand wash sprays, I do have an OCD I know, but I'm not worrying
about it.

I have booked us into the Crick Boat show at the end of the month, this is
THE boat show to go to apparently for Narrow boats etc, so we will get a
good idea of t hypes of boats out there as we think we know what we want but
we have decided to go and test run a few first, we may change our mind of
what we want when we have been on a few.

Other than that not much else to report today, life is returning back to
normal strangely and have slowly set up a new routine of working from home
and the office.

Will update tomorrow.

Steve

Day Two

Well its day two of not having headaches, which is brilliant as it's not an
issue that I have to think about. That and because I am not taking
painkillers I am not having issues with going to the loo....

So as they would say, Service is being resumed....

Our eBay store is doing really well and my all time favourit costume has
gone on, and already has a bid, (it had bids within a couple of mins of
listing) http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem
<http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=150605957208>
&item=150605957208 go check it out, I will be sad to see it go, but will be
happy to see it being worn again and used as it should be.

Natalya managed to get back home OK despite the fact we did get up late this
morning and we had to rush to the train station.

It was nice to see Natalya, as we have only ever communicated via email and
such and then briefly in London, so was nice to actually have some downtime
with her and not just see her as a "professional" She has been one of the
most useful people I have met throughout my illness, she has supported both
myself and Mark immensely and I would like to thank her for that. It's
amazing how some people come into your life for one reason and end up
staying there for a multitude of reasons.

Am off to the office tomorrow to do my day in the office.

Mark is still taking his antibiotics and incresed immune system drugs to try
and get rid of the bug he has got at the moment, Mel has the same bug too
now so it looks like it was something they picked up in london last
Thursday.

Anyway will package up the last of my parcels and am off to bed.

Will update tomorrow.

Steve

end of the weekend.

Today has been a slow but random day again.

Woke up late this morning as we all fancied a bit if a lay in. Not bad
really as it is Sunday the day of rest....

Anyway, once we were all up and running, I did today's sales from eBay and
got them ready for posting tomorrow and responded to a number of email
enquiries.

We then headed off to the warehouse for some stationery bits and bobs and
then off over to Harolds for his surprise birthday party.

Natalya and Mark both had to eat so they could take their medication (I was
ok I was just hungry) so we stopped of at a carvery on the way.

Finally managed to get to Harold's around 5pm. Now I can honestly say I
haven't had headache all day, and I have had no painkillers all day so
that's a really good start. I'm just hoping the last few weeks have been
changes in my head and they are now settling down, t could also be the
Steroids I'm have slowly been reducing them so I could have come to a level
my body is comfortable at and I can now go down to the next level reducing
my intake even more.

Mark is still a little under the weather, I haven't had any signs of his
sore throat though - although kissing is out of the question for the time
being....

My intake of immune system supplements and vitamins etc have been stepped up
a little whilst Mark is ill just to be on the safe side, he is also on a
course of antibiotics as an added precaution.

We have to drop Natalya off at the train station early tomorrow morning so
its early night for us all, long day for her to get not very far in relative
terms, but matching trains, boats and busses adds hours to your journey.

Will update again tomorrow.

Steve

Mini Update

Well were off out again for the day so will update on what we get upto
later.

There is loads of bargains finishing today on our eBay store

http://shop.ebay.co.uk/justtheone4u/m.html?_trksid=p4340.l2562

Will be uploading a load more items this week as we need to step up a gear
and move some of the items we have otherwise we will never get out of the
house, we will have to hire an industrial unit for storage as it is at the
moment but would like to keep it a small one not a huge thing....

Anyway were off to the warehouse to get some essentials and then off to a
surprise, will tell all later.

Steve

Day Out

Well today has been a bit of a random day, we set off this morning to go to
the marina in Southport, but ended up at the Museum of Science and Industry.

From there the three of us had a leisurely lunch at Tiger Tiger. It was nice
just to sit and watch the world go by on a Saturday afternoon.

From there we ended up going to the range in Rochdale (told you it was a
random day out) It was nice to just stroll around the shops and but a couple
of unimportant things. We bought a knot fender/doorstop for the boat as I
really liked it.

It was then over to my parents to say hello to them and see what they were
upto.

From there it was off to Sainsburys for dinner items and then home.

This evening we haven't left the dining table yet as we are just putting the
world to rights.

Headache has been good today its not really been bothering me much I did
have a headache late this evening but we haven't really stopped much today
so I'm not surprised.

Tomorrow is another day and who knows what we will get upto, we may end up
going to the warehouse as there is a few things we need and have mentioned
it so much today that Natalya has said she would like to go (we also want to
go to see if we can get a Rosie to complete the Rosie and Jim set we have.

Will update again tomorrow

Steve x

Illness

Well today has been an odd day, Mark got back late last night from London
and didn't feel well at all.

This morning he was worse and when I went down to the doctors I made him an
appointment.

It was purely selfish, I cant be around Mark if he is ill, especially this
is the week after Chemo week as well.

If he's also ill he can't help me if I need his help. I know it all sounds
like me me me but on some occasions this is how it is. It was the same when
my mum was ill, she was practically banished from the house until she was
better so it's one rule for everyone.

I have upped my intake of my Echinacea and mark has too, he is also on a
case of antibiotics as a precaution.

The headaches are still with me but I'm just used to them now, and I'm now
down to a maximum of 4 Ibuprofen a day which gets me thorough.

We have a visitor this weekend too Natalya from BT Buddies
www.btbuddies.org.uk who is making her way back home from London.

Some of you may notice that there has been a problem with my blog over the
last few days day's, this is because of the program I use, they have had
problems and a number of my blog posts have disappeared, hopefully they
assure me now that they are all back and running smoothly again.

Right well am going to sign off and say goodnight, will update tomorrow.

Steve

Is it expensive or cheap

All I can say is its expensive to stay healthy, over the last two days I
have spent over £100 on supplements and vitamins. These have become the
mainstay of my existence at the moment and I honestly do feel that they are
doing me good.

After watching a couple of videos by Cheryl Broyles

on facebook and reading a number of other sources I decided to take a range
of supplements an vitamins to help me thoroygh my treatments etc. I have
been on these suppements since my diagnosis and have increased the nnumber I
take as I have gone along, I have read further information, and been told
various things so ihave followed the advice and have started thaking those
suppliments.

I now take around 10 different suppliments a day, all with their own uses.
I can honestly say that in a strange way I actually feel better and healthir
now than before I was diagnosed, so they must be doing something right for
me. That and every time I have a blood test they results are always
positive.

Anyway thats juts got me thinking, is it expensive to be healthy or is it a
smal price to pay? I know its a lot to shell out all at once, bit overall it
works out not expensive, and compare it to the fact that its keeping me
healthy, I would spend a whole lot more.

Mark also takes a numberof suppliments as we cant afford for him to pick up
any bugs and carry them, as he is in more or less constant contact with me,
so he has to stay healthy too, so he;s on 5 supliments and multi vitamins a
day, so far its keepin him well too.

I would urge anyone and ineed everyon to take at least a multi vitamin
tablet every day, and if your ill in any way they seek advice on what
suppliments you can take that will help you, there are loads of books out
there that state different foods and suppliment can help for various things,
I would read the books and follow their advice, its working for me, even
though it might only be a placebo its tricking my brian into being health -
then nver mind, lets keep the placebo effect going.

I just rattle if you shake me.....

Today I have been back in the office and and have had a great day, I managed
to clear loads and prep loads of stuff for collection tomorrow. We have new
staff in the office so was nice to get to meet them as have only sent them
emails so far.

Mark is due home any time now, he has been to 10 Downing Street today with
Mel Bryan to celebrate her winning the Big Society award.

Tomorrow is another day, dont know what am doing yet, if I am working from
home or from the office.

Will sign off now and update tomorroew.

Its Official

No not the fact that were mad (that's a given) the house is on the market.
The estate agent came this afternoon to sign all the paperwork.

That just means one thing, it could be relatively soon when we sell the
house and we get to go live on a barge. That sounds really easy but there is
lots of work to go till then.

There is the massive downsizing to complete for all of us and also we all
have to find somewhere to live if the house does sell pretty quick.

Its exciting now as things are starting to happen, and the motivation to
make things happen is starting to grow too, its a case of we have to do it,
but we also want to do it now too.

Today have worked pretty hard for the office as I had issues earlier in the
week I had quite a big to catch up with and it was for the guys in the
office so really needed. I managed to get that all completed and also quite
a bit of extra work done too., I am going into the office tomorrow to tidy a
load of things up, so will have a good day in the office with the guys.

Mark is off to London tomorrow to attend an event at No 10 Downing street
with his colleague Mel Bryan so will be a long day for him, as he is up
early and will be back late - I will probably be in bed though when he gets
back.

My headaches have been quite good today, I took 2 painkillers this morning
and that's all I have had so far, my headache is at the moment like a very
low dull ache so not something I feel the need to take painkillers for,
hopefully tomorrow should be the same.

I'm still on the steroids, which is causing me to keep the weight on, which
I am not happy about, but I understand that it's a needed at the moment and
its something I have to put up with. The other reason for the weight gain
is I'm doing less now. 8 Months ago we were always on the go, running around
a stage for 90 minutes at a time and always on the go, it kept up thinner.

Plans are underway for our costumes for Sheffield Pride, as we have very
little left out there and nothing that we have suitable for the event, so
it's back to the sewing table for us for a one night only costume, that will
be on eBay the day before its worn. I did have an idea to auction both
costumes on the day and give the money to charity, we will see how it works
out.

Anyway will sign off and update tomorrow.

Steve

Moving On

Well things have really started to happen at the house with regards to
moving on.

The photographs have been done and submitted to the estate agent for his
literature. So hopefully we should start having house viewings in the next
few weeks.

The eBay workload is ever increasing and there is now piles of items
everywhere that have ether been put on, awaiting to be put on or awaiting to
be posted. Its turning into a real production line. We will be ramping this
up in the next few days as the more we add to the stores the more we find.

I managed to get through my chemo week without any problems this month,
although the headaches are still with me, the Oncologist isn't to concerned
about them and said I shouldn't either, however I do worry about them as
they are constantly there, although they do go away with painkillers so they
can't be that bad.

I'm getting pretty bad as well at updating my blog, which I promised I
wouldn't, so over the next few days I'm going to make a concerted effort to
update at least once a day.

Anyway I have a pile of paperwork to complete so will get that done and will
update later.

Steve

Busy Weekend

Well this weekend appears to have flown by in a whirlwind of action.

I was in the office on Friday and managed to get loads done. Friday evening
though I was tired and two days in the office plus Chemo was taking its toll
on me.

Saturday afternoon we just got things done that needed doing round the
house. We also went into Salford to drop off the post for the items sold
that day. The eBay shop is going really well at the moment and I'm currently
putting loads of books on there all starting at 99p
http://shop.ebay.co.uk/justtheone4u/m.html?_trksid=p4340.l2562

The house sale is slowly getting into gear and we meeting with the estate
agent in the week to sign documents etc, which means its happening and we
have to step up the downsizing.

One thing I wasn't happy about on Saturday was the argument I ended up
having with Mark. It is true you hurt the ones closest to you, and he does
get the brunt of a lot of things. Sometimes it feels like everyone is an
expert on how I should do thing, what I should be doing etc and it pisses me
off, I'm still compos mentis and able to make decisions for myself. All I
want is a normal life... I know things will never be as normal as they were
again, but like I said before my new normal is what I want. Just to plod on
and live my life quietly.

I suppose the steroids don't help either, they are making me pile on the
weight which I'm also unhappy about, hopefully I will be able to come off
them next month after my as round of chemo.

The steroids do also make me emotional and I am prone to snapping, which
again isn't a good thing.

Saturday Night we were off out - dressed as pirates... now I know you all
think am odd anyway but this was planned. It was my birthday present from
Nick and Geoff.

A murder Mystery trip aboard a steam train in Llangollen North Wales as
Pirates as a theme.

Random I know, but this actually made it even more funnier. The four of us
dressed as various types of pirates walking through Llangollen town centre
did raise an eyebrow or two, especially considering there was only us in
fancy dress at the time. Some others did eventually turn up n fancy dress
(about 50%) so we didn't look out of place.

The actors pocked on me all night though and all I could do was laugh, which
made the other three laugh too, and every time they asked me a question all
I could do was giggle, never mind we didn't win - we didn't even get it
remotely close but we did have a scream, and I won a bottle of wine because
it was my birthday and I had to stand in front of the rest of the crowd with
a few others and sing the Pirate Song...... The costumes packed away now
though and my pirate days will be reserved for the boat when we get it.

Today has been mainly eBay all day again, systematically adding things from
our collection, books, DVD's CD's will be next and then thre is a whole host
of household items to be photographed and lusted. We haven't even started on
the loft yet which is a weeks worth on its own.

Tanja is also going good guns on the eBay front and has a load of listings
of their own stuff, she is really getting into it.

http://shop.ebay.co.uk/sewwow/m.html?_trkparms=65%253A12%257C66%253A2%257C39
%253A1%257C72%253A4908
<http://shop.ebay.co.uk/sewwow/m.html?_trkparms=65%253A12%257C66%253A2%257C3
9%253A1%257C72%253A4908&rt=nc&_trksid=p3911.c0.m14&_sop=1&_sc=1>
&rt=nc&_trksid=p3911.c0.m14&_sop=1&_sc=1

She is also selling a fine range of Pet blankets all hand so you know your
pooch or your pussy will have an original.

This evening now I'm going to just finish the few books I have here and then
relax and watch some TV and then hopefully have an early night, as I didn't
sleep brilliantly well last night.

Tomorrow I'm still undecided whether to go into the office or work from
home, but I know my Chemo is kicking in now and so it will probably be from
home (I actually noticed this on Saturday night driving home, I was falling
asleep in the back of the car, something I am getting good at...)

Will update again tomorrow.

Steve x

Work

Today has been a relatively normal day, in the fact that I have been to
work. I like going to the office as it keeps me occupied and is a normal day
for me, I know people think am mad, but they are probably right....

This afternoon I weng for my regular masssage. I enjoy my massage and I
really do feel the beneift when I go.

Am back in the office again tomorrow as I have a conference call, this is my
way of slowly working my way back into work. I know I will probably never go
back full time but a couple of days a week would be enough to please both
mysleg and everyone else.

Chemo went rather uneventfull today which is what I wanted - regimented in
how I take them I didnt even feel sick today from my Anti Sickness drug. I
think some of that has to do with the fact I was occupied working, eithr way
only three more days to go this month and am done again.

Headaches have been a bit sporadic today, have only had 4 painkillers though
so am still in low numbers.

This evening I have been adding more items to the eBay store, its becoming a
daily task now for Tanja and myself, we are taking on the eBay world and
learning new ideas every day.

Anyway need to head off to bed, will update tomorrow.

Steve

Chemo Week again

Well today was the first day of this month's Chemo week, and touch wood, its
all gone well, I didn't even feel sick from my Anti-sickness drug which I
have to take fist.

I expressed my concerns about the headaches I have been getting and they
said its nothing to worry about as all my scans last time appeared to be OK
and going in the right direction and they are treatable with Painkillers so
nothing to worry about. At the end of the day there is a lot going on in my
head with all the treatments anyway so I should expect something at least.

My bloods were "Grand" as my oncologist puts it, so again that's a good
sign. It looks like were kicking the arse of this cancer at the moment and I
intend to keep it that way.

The great downsizing of the house is going well and we have become the
centre of the eBay world I am sure. Both Tanja and Lawrence are getting in
on the act now too and now that the sales are coming in for them they are
seeing how easy it is and how addictive it is too, so they will be adding
more stuff this week - will need to show Lawrence how to do it but he will
pick it up pretty easy.

It's a big postal run tomorrow to the post office as another load of our
costumes and DVD's have been sold, its looking pretty bare in the dressing
room now of costumes, but I'm sure there is still loads lurking in the back
there somewhere

Anyway, am off into the office tomorrow to block up the printing system (he
he) and then am off for my fortnightly massage, so a full day ahead so need
sleep.

Will update tomorrow

Steve x

Back to the rat race

Well today has been my first day back working from home for over a week, and
what a joy it was too....
My PC didn't want to work, it wouldn't let me access any f the applications
so I spent the majority of the morning watching our IT guys do their thing
from the office on my PC.
I was back on by lunch though so I managed to make a start on the day ahead.
I had over 2000 emails to deal with - they will be done when they are done
but I have managed to get the majority cleared this afternoon.
I now have to pront over 4000 invoices ready for the VAT submission, the
only problem is, the quicker I print them the quicker they come in, oh the
joys of a seasonal business.
Still it keeps me occupied and normal - which is exactly what I want to be
at the moment.
The headaches are still with me, they are like an old friend now, always
there, dependable and such, I just take two Pian killers and they trundle
off to their room for a few hours before coming back. Sometimes they stay
away for a few hours if I'm occupied others they come back really quickl.

our eBay store http://shop.ebay.co.uk/justtheone4u/m.html?_trksid=p4340.l2562

is doing really well and I now make it a point of listing something every
day. At the moment I'm on DVD's and then will move onto books. We still have
loads of items in the dressing room to sell though but that needs
photographing, at least with DVD's and Books all the details are already in
the system so I can just add them on without any extra hastle.
At least by adding something every day its new items for people to come back
for every few day rather than just once a week. The other thing is it doesnt
cause havoc at the post office when I take them all dow, although nowadays
as the post is so high we have an account with the post office and we sort
all our own ut and all I have to do is take the bag of items in and hand it
over, no waiting or Old Ladies moaning that I am taling up their
morning.....

I'm back at the hospital tomorrow morning for this months Chemo run,. I hope
this month is not as bad as last month where I did have a number of sick
days over the five day period.
Anyway its an early morning tomorrow so will sign off and update tomorrow.
Steve x

Day out with the Husband

Today started as a relaxing day and then we decide we were going to go out
for the afternoon. It was nice just to spend time together as we have been
with someone else for the last couple of weeks, which is nice, but its also
nice to just be the two of us.

We ended up going for a drive and a picnic and we ended up at Sizergh Castle
near Cumbria.

Mark took his camera so the pictures are on his profile on Facebook.

My headache has been a pain in the arse today, I started the day without a
headache and I thought I was going to have a good day, however it wasn't to
be. It's been a sharp headache that just won't go, like a bad hangover - I
only wish it was a hangover as I know it will all be over tomorrow.

Still uploading stuff to eBay there is loads more DVD's on there now, still
loads more to go on, I'm trying to put something on at least every day so
that the items on there are constantly changing.

The dressing room is looking a little more empty now that we had a bumper
weekend of sales, we need another bulk upload weekend to do this again, but
its a case of the more we get out of there the easier it is to sort and
photograph stuff - that and we need the time, were constantly busy with one
thing or another, we need to set time apart to do it all.

Will sign off and update tomorrow

Steve

Royal Wedding....

Well didn't she look elegant in the dress....

Enough about her anyway it's my blog so will tell you what I have been upto.

We set out on Monday morning to Edinburgh where we were going to be staying
for a couple of days. We were joined by Nick and Geoff.

On the way to Edinburgh we stopped at Culzean Castle on the West Coast. The
place is simply stunning, I will put some pictures on the blog when Mark has
finished editing them.

From then it was a whistlestop week of Castles, houses and Ghost tours in
and around Edinburgh. We actually need a holiday to get over the time we
have been away.

It was nice to be out of town for a couple of days even though we haven't
stopped really and have done loads in the short time we have been there.

Yesterday we decamped from Edinburgh and moved on down the country to
Newcastle where we were staying for the night. We were attending Boulvard
which is Betty Legs Diamonds new venue. The show was good and was like
Funnygirs used to be and was funny too.

We were all tired so we were all in bed not much after midnight - I know
this is sad on a Friday night - the bed was comfortable, I was sleeping
really well and then

SIRENS

Somebody or something had set the hotel fire alarms off at 3.30 this morning
so a full evacuation was underway.

We made our way outside in the cold with everyone esle. Fortunately we were
not out for long but that was it, I couldn't sleep much after that.

This morning it was up and out for breakfast in the hotel and then start the
slow journey home.

For us it wasn't a rest in though as we had over 40 items to package that
had been sold in the last 24 hours, so it was a quick print, pack and off to
the post office.

This afternoon and evening we have done very little. Just relaxed and caught
up on emails etc. Mark has been playing with some of the 600 pictures he has
taken over the week.

The headaches have been a bit off and on over the last few day yesterday I
only had 1 painkiller, today I have had a few so it's all a bit hit and
miss. The number is coming down slowly though and the steroids have been
reduced for 2 weeks now so hopefully things will look good on my next Chemo
appointment on Wednesday.

Anyway I'm tired now so heading off to bed.

Hopefully tomorrow will be another sunny day.

Will update tomorrow.

Steve x